Self-abuse

What i have found is that i actually enjoyed self-abuse. I deliberately abused self-abuse to justify and continue my self-abuse. I have lived out my self-definition as self-abuse and hold onto this self-definition. Why do i hold onto it? Because it allows me to abdicate self-responsibility and have the right to blame others so that i do not have to stand up and transform myself.

In my childhood i was abused and i did not know what to do or can do little to stop such abuses. I then victimized myself. But now i have grown up -- i am financially independent and i have the opportunity to make a difference -- but i still hold onto that image of me as a victim. This is deliberate self-dishonesty and manipulation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself, hold onto self-abuse, define myself as self-abuse, enjoy self-abuse, justify self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself through selff-abuse so that i can hold onto my self-definition as a victim -- thus i am always able to blame somebody/something else for my experience, abidicating self-responsibility and not allowing myself to change.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to change -- to stop the abuse that i am experiencing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to inflict self-abuse deliberately to victimize myself so that i do not need to take self-responsibility and do whatever it takes to make a difference.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately ignore/reject the tools/assistances/supports that can assist and support me to make a definitive change.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-responsibility through victimizing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that i have accetped and allowed myself to deliberately go into self-pity -- perceiving that i am so unlucky and pitiful and this world has wronged me so much.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself through self-abuse and blame such abuses onto other beings/things/environment/society/world so that i do not need to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my self-definition as a victim so that i do not need to discipline myself to change.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to take self-responsiblity and assist and support myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to manipulate other beings into self-dishonesty so that i can justify my self-dishonesty and not have to take self-responsibility and transform myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not feel like taking self-responsibility and use what is here as the tools/assistannce/support to transform myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to still exist in the mind state of me being the little child that is being abused, powerless and helpless, being able to do nothing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for the abuses that i experienced when i was a child -- as long as i can hold onto such blame i will not face myself and take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame desteni for having misled me so that i have lost my self-trust/self-confidence/self-certanity/self-directiveness/self-worth/self-value/self-honesty etc, so that i do not have to take self-responsibility to assist and support myself.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in anger/blame/hatred towards outer reality which i have accpeted and allowed myself to separate myself from.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to realize that if i am really interested in making a difference and stop the self-abuse, i will not allow myself to exist in blame and refuse to use the tools/assitance/support to support myself.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the reason i refused to assist and support me to do whatever it takes to transform myself simply demonstrates that i enjoyed self-abuse and allowed myself to dwell in self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize the fact that i actully enjoy self-abuse/justify self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience self-defeat instead of realizing that self-defeat is also another program that is perpetuating self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use self-defeat as an excuse to not stand up, take self-responsibility and make a difference.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to my mind -- regarding my mind as thoughts/images/pictures/emotions/feelings to be more than me -- deliberately go into self-defeat to not take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use individual rights to justify "I have the right to be self-dishonest. I have the right to do whatever i want to do." -- only fucking myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself deliberately to support my self-definition as a victim so that i have the right to blame/accuse other beings for my experience -- so that i do not take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel moral superiority within defining myself as a victim so that i have the right to make others feel guilty as a revenge.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to make my parents guilty and admit that they are wrong -- this is all their problem and i do not need to take responsibility to transform myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use free will/free choice to justify why i do not stand up, take self-responsibility and transform myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to trap others with blame/accusation/guilt -- not allowing them to free themselves from the prison -- thus existing in spitefulness towards not only myself but also other beings as myself.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i am justifying self-abuse through blame.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i am existing in separation from self-abuse -- i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place self-interest over Life's interest through holding onto my self-definition/self-image as a victim.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize my self-definition as a victim is preventing me from moving myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to cry and cry and cry when i was child, deliberately harming myself as a revenge to my parents.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the property of parents, perceiving that by destroy myself, i am harming my parents.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate my parents and feel powerless and helpless -- perceiving that i can do nothing but to accept the abuses.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the desire to revenge my parents and the only way that i perceived that i can do this when i was a child is to harm myself -- the property of my parents.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use to imagine me killing myself so that my parents will be sorry for what they did onto me -- self-abuse as revenge.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to make my parents sorry, guilty -- punishing them so that i can feel good about myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience a good feeling because of revenge and punishment of my parents.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagine how sorrow my parents would be if they find me dead -- imaging such scenes within my mind, exisiting in the illusory revenge and punishment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to treat my parents as how they have treated me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel justified to be superior to my parents because they have abused me and they have no right to challenge me or say no to me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to generate guilt within my parents to manipulate them to listen to me and do what i want them to do.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself first and desire my parents to compensate their behaviors -- thus they have no right to challenge me -- they can not challenge my self-dishonesties -- they are under my control.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to do these from the starting point of self-interest, not being and one equal with all beings here in the physical reality -- but taking into consideration what is best for all -- but only considering how i can get even with my parents.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have parents who can listen to me, who can do what i want them to do for me, who treat me with love.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate my parents to get what i want from the starting point of self-interest -- not allowing myself to see what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my mother as a fucking bitch -- being spiteful. I stop!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i have the free will/free choice to not assist and support myself, perceiving/believeing that it is my own buniness and nobody else has the right to interefere.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to say in my mind "Don't u tell me what to do"-- deliberate justification of self-abuse. I stop!!!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an unwelcome person -- and goes into self-pity deliberately to feel sorry for myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of other beings/ unconditional expression and desire to destroy them. WTF???!!!

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself embrace self-honesty/self-love/self-trust/self-descipline/self-certainty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame desteni for my minsinterpretation of desteni message and abdication of self-trust/self-certainty/self-discipline/self-certainty/self-love, so that i will continue to exist in such self-abuse because i percieve that i am not responsible for myself and is not taking self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to say in my mind "self-descipline is too hard and i do not feel like doing it." -- bullshit justificaiton. Stop!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to do something only because i feel like doing it and reject doing something solely because i do not feel like doing it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to protect my accepted nature as self-abuse and justify it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define not following my accepted nature as self-abuse -- instead of realizing that following my accepted nature as self-abuse is self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to feelings -- following my feelings -- not allowing myself to exist in disobeyal of my feeling in any way. I stop!!!

I am self-discipline. I am self-trust. I am self-love. I am self-value. I am self-worth. I am self-certainty. I am self-assitance. I am self-support.