Resistance and self-discipline breath and hands

Resistance

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in resistance towards writing self-forgiveness on resistance, using excuses that i do not know how to start.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny and resist self-dishonesty points out of fear of judgement, accusation and punishment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge self-dishonesty as bad/evil/wrong and accuse/punish/abuse myself for the self-honesty points that i exist as.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive i deserve to be judged/accused/punished/abused for the self-dishonesty that i exist as.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge/accuse/punish/abuse myself for the self-dishonesty that i exist as.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that if i do not judge/accuse/punish/torture/abuse myself for self-dishonesty, i must reward it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive it to be abnormal if i do not judge/accuse/punish/abuse/torture myself when i found that i was existing in self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel obligated to judge/accuse/punish/abuse/torture myself when i found that i was existing in self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that something must be wrong if i do not receive judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse if i found self-dishonesty points.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to accept judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse as a way of life and have been so ingrained as it that i regard it as a part of me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe if i do not judge/accuse/punish/abuse myself when i found that i was existing in self-dishonesty, i must be self-dishonest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse as self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad if i do not fulfill the obligation that the system has imposed on me which i have accepted as who i am.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel good about myself when i have fulfilled the obligation that i received from the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to actually feel good about myself when judge/accuse/punish/abuse myself because i feel that i have fulfilled my obligation and that i am self-honest instead of realizing that this is only my idea of self-honesty which is actually fucking myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged if i do not meet the obligation from the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such an idea that the more i judge/accuse/punish/abuse myself for my self-dishonesties, the more self-honest i am. Holy Crap!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to prevent self-dishonesty through fear of punishment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse can prevent me from the self-honesties that i exist as instead of realizing that i am actually suppressing the self-dishonesty points that i am required to deal with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such a reactive behavior of judging/accusing/punishing/abusing myself when i found that i was self-dishonest and perceive/believe that this is the way life is and this is the way i can correct myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such an idea that i can only prevent myself from self-dishonesty through punishment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that i have become self-honest after judgement/accusation/punishment/abuse because i have paid for my self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse/torture as a payment for my self-dishonesty, and form such a misconcepttion that after these punishments i become self-honest automatically because i have paid for it and i do not need to deal with self-dishonesties any more, instead of realizing that self-dishonesty will not just go away after punishment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel unfair that after i judge/accuse/punish/torture/abuse myself i still need to deal with self-dishonesty points that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire an easy way out of self-dishonesty and judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse/torture is the easy way that i as my mind interprets to self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse/torture is only suppressing the self-dishonesty points and preventing me from facing the self-dishonesty points and dealing with them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such a perception/idea/belief taht i can not deal with self-dishonesty before i judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse/torture myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to use judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse/torture to move myself which is actually separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse/torture because they are the tools that i believed to be my savior from self-dishonesty which is actually fucked-up idea preventing me from facing the self-dishonesty that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and actually change/transform myself.

I forgive myself that i have not allow myself to realize that judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse/torture is actually self-dishonesty that is allowing myself to continue the self-dishonesty that i exist as.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my mind reacting :"How dare you say that?! " LOL!!!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to continue self-dishonesty through self- judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse/torture.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that self- judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse/torture is much easier than actually facing self-dishonesty and dealing with self-honesty to actually change/transform myself, thus self- judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse/torture is my perceived "easy way out".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my "treasure" of self- judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse/torture so that i can continue my self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize the deception and manipulation of self- judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse/torture which is ACTUALLY self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i am actually mainpulating and deceiving myself to hold onto the self-dishonesty which requires me to face it and deal with it and actually change/transform myself.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that as long as i hold onto this self-defintiion of self- judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse/torture, i can continue to deny/resist and continue the self-honesty that i have accepted and allowed within me -- i am actually aware of what i am doing but i deceive myself that i do not know. LOL. Fuck!!!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the law of resistance -- what i resist persists -- to continue the self-dishonesty that i have accepted and allowed within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind self- judgement/accusation/punishement/abuse/torture with the true nature of me as spitefulness towards who i really am as Life.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that both support and resistance of self-dishonesty is self-dishonesty in itself which is giving permission to the self-dishonesty to continue to exist -- the real solution is to stand one and equal with self-dishonesty, face it, deal with it, transform self within/as it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the polarity of good/bad, perceiving/believing that without such a distinction of good/bad the world will go mad, instead of realizing that the world has already gone mad!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to interpret desnteni materials through my mind -- if nothing is bad or wrong then everything is OK-- supporting self-abuse; if nothing is good or right then everything is evil and wrong -- judgement/accusation/punishment/torture -- resisting self-abuse = supporting self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such a perception/idea/belief that if i do not resist i must support and continue, instead of realizing that both resistance and support is continuing the self-abuse -- real change comes from embracing, stopping and transforming Here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to copy/download programs that i have been taught through my life and use this prgramto interprete self-honesty and self-dishonesty.

I stop! Till here no further!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the education system and schoolwork as bad, perceiving that if i am existing in the education system i must be fucked up.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the system, existing in resistance towards being in the system instead of realizing that this process is to be in the system yet not of the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the education system as bad and believe whoever in the education system must be a robot -- so that the only way out is to escape from the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself to be a slave in the education system and want to escape from the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the system instead of standing one and equal with the system direct myself equal and one Here in and as the system to transform my experience in the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that whatever i do in the education system is all self-dishonesty, and thus existing in stagnation -- not moving myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge me as being self-dishonest and fear self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in resistance towards schoolwork, because i do not feel like doing schoolwork within judgement that -- schoolwork is all system stuff and if i do schoolwork i am self-dishonest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the fact that i used to be very effective in the system but now i perceive that i have fucked myself and exist in constant and continuous cycles without effectiveness in getting out of this mess.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have judged/believed my effectiveness in the education system and highly developped technique of dealing with information as self-dishonesty and abdicated such effectiveness through fear of self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have formed a fucking idea of self-dishonesty -- believing effectiveness in the system and ability to process information effectively to be self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such an idea that if i am effective in the system i must be self-dishonest and if i am self-honest i must be fucking stupid in the system -- so i should abdicate effectiveness in processing information and effectiveness in dealing with school mateirals in order for me to be self-honest. Fucking stupid!!!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be extremely angry with the fact that i deliberately abdicated my effectiveness in the education system for my perceived idea of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to blame other people for my current experience of ineffectiveness in the education system dealing with schoolwork, instead of realizing that i am responsible for my own stupidity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame those who have judged the education system as bad for misleading me to abdicate effectiveness in the education system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as fucking stupid to deliberately abdicate effectiveness in the system and wish i did not do this.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret for having abdicated my effectiveness in the system instead of realizing that regret will change nothing and blame will make no difference.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to deal with what is Here as the fact that i have deliberately dumbed myself down to become my perceived idea of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself physically by hitting my head using my hand, instead of realizing self-abuse is not going to make a difference and can only make things worse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge knowledge and information in the education system, perceiving/believing that they are from the system and if i learn/study them they will fuck me and i will become self-dishonest -- thus existing in resistance and inner conflicts.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear dealing with information through judging informaiton as bad and perceive it to have power over me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe whatever i do in the education system is self-dishonesty and there is no way out.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to knowledge and informaiton through fear of dealing with them because i have judged them as from system which can fuck me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the system instead of realizing that it is to exist in the sytem yet not of the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to formed such a perception/idea/belief that as long as i am in the education system whatever i do is self-dishonesty, yet at the same time i have to be in the system -- thus existing in constant and continuous resistance and inner conflicts.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to just want to escape from the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate desteni from the system, perceiving that desteni is good and the system is bad -- existing in polarity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define desteni materials as good and whatever other materials are from the sytem and thus bad -- exsting in polarity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard desteni materials as like a bible and block all other sources of information.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such a perception/idea/belief that desteni materials are the only source of information that i can trust and any other sources of information is self-dishonesty and will fuck me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being fucked by information.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in resistance towards other sources of information.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to protect myself by only holding onto desteni materials and blocking all other sources of information.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such a perception/idea/belief that if i read any other information from a source that is not directly from desteni or approved by desteni, then i must be self-dishonest and that i am fucking myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being harmed by the system and influenced by system information.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i can not trust myself and i can only trust desteni which i regared as my savior -- abdicating myself completely and exisiting in separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abandon the self-trust that i have built and follow desteni like following a religion and thus fucked myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry for abandoning self-trust/self-certainty/self-confidence and effectiveness in the system and now i have to rebuild them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame desteni materials for why i have abandoned self-trust/self-certainty/self-confidence and effectiveness in the system instead of realizing that it is the idea that i have formed about desteni and my interpretation of desteni materials through my mind that has fucked me -- i have fucked myself and i am responsible.

I forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to resist school materials and only want to read desteni materials -- so i procrastinated doing all the schoolwork until the last minute of the dealine and i have to do the schoolwork which i judged as bad with much anxiety/frustration/self-judgement/doubt/resistance/denial/anger/irritation/hate and sometimes when i can not meet the dealine i will just give up and judge the schoolwork as stupid system information.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fuck myself constantly and continuously with such a fucking cycle when i procrastinate schoolwork until the shit hits the fan and i have to experience all the mindshit again and again and again and again in the fucking cycle.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify my experience of me existing in the fukcing cycle as self-honesty, perceiving/believing that this is self-honesty because previously when i was in the education system i was quite stable and able to handle schoolwork and information with high efficiency which i judged as self-dishonesty and abandoned -- now i become different so this must be self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such an idea that effectiveness in the system is self-honesty and ineffectiveness in the system is self-honesty. I can not believe i can form such a fucking stupid idea.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the idea through judging it -- not willing to let go of what happened in the past. I stop!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to dwell on the 'mistake' that i made in my past instead of assisting and supporting myself to transform myself here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such a habbit of "doing the things that i feel like doing first and then the things i do not feel like doing", instead of realizing that this is the very behavior leading to procrastination and laziness -- in order to break this patterrn of procrastination and laziness "do the things which i resist first and then the things that i enjoy" -- and at the same time clear resistance towards those that i resist -- resistance is unnecessary.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to categorize things into those i resist and those i enjoy instead of realizing that this categorization exists because i have formed an idea and expectation about what i do -- clear all perceptions/ideas/beliefs to release the construct of resistance.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape from the discomfort that i experience when i am dealing with things that i resist -- thus the motivation of procrastination.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from what i experience as discomfort and want to escape from it/suppress it or do something else like those things that i apparently enjoy to not have to face it, instead of investigating why i experience resistance and discomfort in the first place.

I forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to define doing something that i do not feel like doing is self-abuse -- instead of realizing that i am only following and trusting my feeling which is of my mind -- trusting/following feelings is self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only want to deal with those that i feel like doing and reject those i do not feel like doing -- this is a program and can not be accepted.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to avoid that which i resist instead of realizing that i am only hiding from the problem and the problem will not go away by itself -- i have to push through the resistance and deal with the problem.

Push through resistances no matter what!

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the things that i resist may not actually be that 'bad' or boring but may be only the illusion of an idea that is actually preventing me from pushing through it to see the illusion of an idea.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to do things according to my perceptions/ideas/beliefs that i have formed -- doing those i perceive that i enjoy first while procrastinating those i perceive that i do not enjoy and thus resist.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify procrastination through holding onto the idea that if i do that which i judged as system stuff and thus i resist, i will be supporting the system and thus i am self-dishonest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use my idea of self-honesty and self-dishonesty to justify resistance and procrastination -- perceiving believing that there is no way out but resistance and procrastination.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such an idea that resistance and procrastination is the best solution to exist in the system and remain self-honest, which is but my fucked-up idea of self-honesty and self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the idea that escaping from the system, resistance and procrastination is the best solution to exist in the system within self-honesty while it is obviously not working but only fucking me in the constant and continuous cycles.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such an idea that self-honesty is to not participate in the system and self-dishonesty is to participate in the system instead of realizing that the difference between self-honesty and self-dishonesty is dependent on the starting point and that self-honesty requires active participation in the system but not of the system -- taking into consideration what is best for all within participation in the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a fuck-up, existing in frustration that i have fucked myself through following my idea of self-honesty and self-honesty.
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self-discipline

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as lack of self-discipline because of my constant and continuous participation in procrastination and failure of getting out of the cycle.

I forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to define myself as a loser existing in self-defeat, perceiving that i will never get out of this fucking cycle that i am experiencing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i will never be able to get out of this cycle of procrastination -- through justification that i do not have what it takes as self-discipline.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i do not have self-discipline instead of realizing that i am only using excuses and justifications to not assist and support who i really am as Life but only want to hold onto my personality definition which is placing self-interest over Life's interest and thus self-abuse and can not be tolerated in any way whatsoever.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to have some motivation for me to be self-disciplined instead of realizing a motivation is separation and when that motivation discipates i will not be able to be disciplined thus this self-discipline is not real but pursuit of self-interest based on separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not want to self-disciplined to assist and support who i really am as Life as all as one as equal, which indicates that i am actually enjoying self-abuse to continue to fuck myself.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that self-discipline is out of self-responsibility -- the responsibility towards self as Life as all as one as equal -- self-discipline is the living statement of not allowing self to exist in self-abuse no matter what.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to gain self-discipline instead of realizing that self-discipline is the natural expression of who i really am as Life -- the only reason that i am not self-disciplined is because i am not actually interested in who i really am as Life -- otherwise i will do whatever it takes to discipline myself in the process of self-realization as Life.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that believing that i do not have self-discipline and want to gain self-discipline first is only me manipulating/justifying/holding onto enlightened self-interest.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i actually enjoy self-abuse = enjoy fucking myself and use lack self-discipline to justify and continue. Fuck! I stop!
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Breath

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive it to be very hard for me to be aware of each and every single breath -- perceiving it to be an almost impossible task.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist assisiting and supporting myself to be aware of my breath because i perceived that i am not able to do it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i may fail in assisting and supporting myself to be aware of each and every single breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and feel frustrated when i realize that i am not aware of me as breath Here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to succeed in being aware of each and every single breath and fear failure.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad when i found that i failed to remain here as awareness as breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into self-defeat when i found that i have lost myself in my mind without me being here as awareness as breath for a long period and will stop assisting and supporting myself to bring myself back here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as self-defeat and separate myself from self-defeat by judging self-defeat as bad.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid making myself feel bad.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define it to be self-abuse to do something that makes me feel bad -- only want to work with that which makes me feel good about myself -- supporting my own self-definitions, and never challeng them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only deal with that which makes me feel good about myself - that which supports my personality design within self-dishonesty while avoid that which makes me feel bad about myself - that which challenges my personality design within self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to do things from the starting point of making myself feel good instead of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to replace self-honesty with feeling good about myself and self-dishonesty with feeling bad about myself, instead of realizing that i am following my feeling and trusting my mind design.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use justifications/excuses/reasons "What is the point of doing something that makes me feel bad about myself? Isn't that self-abuse?" to continue to exist in the self-dishonesty that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire that self-honesty will make me feel good about myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuses/justifications/reasons that i have the right/free will to make myself feel good about myself and nobody can deprive me of this right -- me protecting my mind design within enlightened self-interest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to avoid challenging my own mind design but only want to protect it which is self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to do something from the starting point of getting a reward -- feeling good about of myself is a reward.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such a perception/idea/belief that it is natural and normal to avoid that which makes me feel bad as punishment and pursue that which makes me feel good as reward.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in the polarity of good/bad and reward/punishment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it makes sense to pursue reward while avoid punishment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define that which makes me feel good as reward and that which makes me feel bad as punishment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to purceive/believe that if i do something that makes me feel bad including challenging my own self-dishonesty within self-honesty, i am punishing myself and abusing myself instead of realizing that this a programmed perception/idea/belief.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear punishment and do whatever it takes to avoid punishment and feel bad.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the polarity of good/bad reward/punishment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be self-honest because self-honesty makes me feel bad about myself when i see the self-dishonesty that i have accepted and allowed within me and according to my idea that making me feel bad is self-punishment thus self-abuse -- but all these are programs that i have accepted and allowed as who i am.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that it is not about make me feel good or bad about myself it is about self-honesty or self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to categorize self-honesty and self-dishonesty according to my feelings -- that which i have learned and known and that which i have placed trust in.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place self-honesty/self-dishonesty within the construct of polarity.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that making myself feel good about myself within self-dishonesty is real self-abuse while challenging my own mind design which may make me feel bad within in self-honesty is the real gift that i can give to myself -- the world is in reverse -- those things that i perceive that i enjoy i may not actually enjoy while those i perceive that i do not enjoy i may ACTUALLY enjoy.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that feeling is not trustworthy. I stop trusting my feelings as feeling good and feeling bad based on my preprogrammed perception/idea/belief and stop pursuing reward while fear punishment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to perceive that i do not have the motivation to assist and support me as awareness as breath instead of realizing that motivation as desire for reward is a program that i have allowed to exist within me which is preventing me from moving myself within self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that using a separate point as reward as a motivation to move me is not self-movment -- me moving myself/directing myself within self-honesty without separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that being aware of each and every single breath is impossible and thus existing in self-defeat even before i give myself an opportunity to start.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i do not have what it takes to finish such a huge task as being aware of each and every single breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project being aware of each and every single breath into the future -- regarding it to be some great/extraordinary experience in the future that i can achieve instead of realizing that breath as awareness as self is Here in every moment not in the future.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find all kinds of excuses/justifications why i can not assist and support myself to be Here as awareness as breath in each and every single moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse/justification that my chronic rhinitis is causing me a disadvantage in assisting and supporting myself as breath -- and because of this disadavantage i can not succeed in being aware as every breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to succeed, defining myself accoridng to the polarity of success/failure.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i am unlucky to have chronic rhinitis which i perceive to be the main reason why i can not be aware of each and every single breath.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have not allowed myself to realize that i am only using an excuse and justification why i do not assist and support myself as who i really am.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that if i am really serious about assisting and supporting myself as Life as who i really am, nothing can be in my way, nothing can be an obstacle -- I will do whatever it takes to realize who i really am no matter what -- all excuses/justifications/reasons are invalid.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only use chronic rhinitis as an excuse of giving up and supporting self-defeat.

I forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to give up myself as breath as Life, which is unacceptable! I trust myself i will always assist and support myself to realize who i really am no matter what -- never give up who i really am -- self-defeat is not acceptable!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i have tried many times to be aware of each and every single breath but i failed, existing in self-defeat, giving myself up even before i start.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear i may fall into my past patterns again and give up again, instead of realizing that i am actually preparing myself to fall -- finding excuses/justifications why i may fall so that i can justify why i will fall in the future -- not acceptable!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to not realize that i have already given up even before i start. I stop! This can not be allowed!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to deceive myself that breath is less than what it really is as who i really am as Life so that i can justify why i do not assist myself and feel bad for abidicating who i really am as Life as breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard breath to be not that important because apprently i have lived so many years without awareness as breath -- and i am apparently still alive, instead of realizing that i am justifying the self-defeat of not being able to assist and support myself as breath Here in every moment.

I forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to say in my mind"I will fail anyway, so i will not bother to give it a shot." -- self-defeat and giving up. Unacceptable!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to expect that i solve a problem immedidately without any pain and discomfort and if i fail in the first time, i give up immediately.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to say to myself "OK. I will give myself one shot. If i can not make it, i will give up."

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give up if i fail in the first shot.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to perceive that if fail in the first shot i will always fail thus giving up myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have already given up before i start and the one hasty/lousy/lame shot i do is only to prove to myself the self-defeat that i have accepted and allowed within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to set up a limit in the opportunities i give to myself and after this limit i will give up, instead of realizing this is acceptance and justification of self-defeat. I will always assist and support myself as who i really am as Life as all as one as equal no matter how many times/how long it takes me to "make it" -- i am willing to walk with myself and assist and support myself into eternity -- i will never give up who i really am as Life as all one as equal no matter what -- i am always my own assistance and support -- i am always here with myself -- i will never abandon myself no matter how difficult it is -- i am always patient with myself without getting irritated no matter how many times i 'fail' -- i do not judge myself no matter how stupid i seem to be -- i always trust myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take all the shit that i have downloaded from my father and i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the good virtues that i see within my mother is that which i have not yet accepted as myself. I accept myself. I embrace myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to download the programs of imaptience/defeat/frustration/anger/hatred/irritation etc from my father and desire patience/encouragement/love etc from my mother which is actually that which i have separated myself from and projected onto my mother.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed self-defeat as who i am. I stop!

I am here as breath in every moment -- whenever i found myself drifting into my mind i simply bring myself back here without judgement/abuse/tortuture/accusation/blame/self-defeat/frustration/anger/punishment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i may not be able to discipline myself to bring myself back here as breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-discipline in practical applicaiton.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i am not doing good enough.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i am not writing enough self-forgiveness.

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Hands

One of the manifested physical symptoms is the numbness of half of my left palm including the fourth finger and the pinky. The numbness is like something that does not belong to my body has filled in my left palm and has blocked my sensation-- it should be the manifested system. Another manifested symptom is a circular disk-shaped Keratoderma at the junction of the root of my fourth finger and fifth finger of my RIGHT hand. The skin around there is very thick and hard. The numbness in my left hand has manifested for eight months. And the Keratoderma has manifested for a couple of years and has become worse recently. I have the habit of biting my nails for many years. And i noticed that more palmar creases came out in the past month, especially two vertical line originating from the root of my fourth finger and the pinky down through the palm and one horizantal line at the right bottom corner of my left hand. Another symptom is the nail of my fourth toe fell the other day.

Part of the chat that is related to this point:
‹Wei Wu› There have been more palm creases manifested on my hands for around a month. What does this have to do?
‹Andrea› the hand is a also a map of the body
‹Andrea› creases show where you are copying expressions within yourself to present over and over instead of actually breaking through your suppressions to see who you are
‹Andrea› it is like a program only having a few ways of expressing and then recalling the same programs to present
‹Wei Wu› This makes sense. I have been looping myself.
‹Andrea› so I suggest time for you to break out of your own self manifested opinion of who you are and start pushing through suppressions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be concerned with the manifested symptoms on my hand, and judge them instead of realizing that they are assisting and supporting me to see what i have accepted and allowed within me.

I forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to place special values and worths on palmar creases -- perceiving/believing that they have decided my whole life -- instead of realizing that this is the programmed life and not the real Life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a special pattern of palmar creases so that i can have a special life that i desire.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be special.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to what palm reading has to say which is all but preprogrammed.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive palm reading to be mysterious, special and profound instead of realizing that it represents system program design.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge system program desings as bad and react to them, existing in fear of control. I stop!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i must be special to have these palmar creases manifested on my hands instead of realizing that creases show where I am copying expressions within yourself to present over and over instead of actually breaking through your suppressions to see who i am -- it is like a program only having a few ways of expressing and then recalling the same programs to present.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to judge myself as stupid to worship the programs that represent limitation.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have existing in extreme limitation -- jumping only the old few programs constantly and continuously -- nothing new.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as limitation and live out my self-definition as limitation.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the manifested symptom of numbness and cornification at the joint root of my fourth finger and pinky is an indication that there is a huge problem with my perception and relationship.

I forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to not want to face the problem that has caused such manifested symptoms but only the symptoms to go away without me making any change.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately ignore the reason why these symptoms manifest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist and suppress the points that i am required to deal with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hide the self-dishonesty that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to deal with self-dishonesty and justify it by defining myself as laziness.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that laziness is self-abuse, protecting the systems within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by the points that i am dealing with -- wanting to get them all done in one moment which is not a possible task and within this i feel frustrated and wanted to escape from this frustration by ignoring deliberately the problem that i am required to deal with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to wait and procrastinate until the problem goes away by itself instead of realizing that the problem will not just go away if i do not give attention to it and deal with it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by the amount of mainfested palmar creases -- fearing that i may not handle so many points.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i may never diffuse the manifested symptom on my hand -- feeling frusted, helpless and powerless.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separte myself from the manifested physical symptom and give my power away.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed myself to want to become more than the manifested symptom which is the ploarity of allowing myself to feel less than the manifested symptom.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the mainfested symptom on my hands may become worse and worse and that i will not be able to deal with them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated that i can not pinpoint all the points that i need to apply self-forgiveness on in order to diffuse a program.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to trust myself and take self-responsibility.

So in summary, what the manifested symptoms of my hands and feet are indicating: biting nails -- anger frustration; the nail of my fourth toe falling off -- not expanding in relationship; numbness and cornification of skin of the fourth finger and pinky -- perception and relationship problem; palmar creases -- limitation, suppression and jumping programs.