Principled living and maipulation

I discovered a point when grading students' homework today. I set up a set of grading standards before i actually start grading the homework. But within the process of grading, i had the tendency to change/maniuplate the priniple to fit into my perceptions/ideas/beliefs of student which is based on self-interest. This shows how my ego is not consistent but always manipulates everything to serve its own purpose.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form perceptions/ideas/beliefs of the students according to my past impressions of them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to treat the students unequally according to their school performances, perceiving this to be normal.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define students according to their school performances -- defining 'good' students as those who have a high score on tests/lab reports and 'bad' students as those who have a low score.

I forgive myself to favor those 'good' students, regarding them to be more, while others to be less.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a good student want the teachers to favor me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire validations/confirmations/praises from teachers to gain favor frmo them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive it to be normal to favor some students who are 'good' at tests/lab reports.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to become a 'good' student and perceive that i am justified to judge 'bad' students.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive to exist in the polarity of good/bad defined only by school performance.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the bullshit of "if i study good, then everything of me is good."

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look down upon those whose school performance is not good, juding them as stupid or idiotic, with no consideration that they are equal and one with me as life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to say in my mind "who would like to be one and equal with them?" -- justifying the separation that i have accepted and allowed within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe "Those who keeps company with the good will be good; those who keeps company with the bad will be bad." -- justifying the good/bad polarity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate my parents for preventing me from hanging on with those 'bad' students -- they just those students as bad and fear that i may become bad. Fuck my parents' ideas!!!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i can be influenced by those who are 'bad'.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate the separation that this world has taught me, blaming the world for teaching me the separation -- instead of realizing that it is me accepting the separation, thus it is my responsibility to not allow myself to be influenced.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the world for programming me to accept separation instead of realizing that it is me giving permission to the programming, thus it is my responsibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from those 'bad' students, feeling superior to them and exisiting in separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be disgusted with my parents' education of seapration -- which is actually manipulation through fear. FUCK!!!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate my parents for what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become -- separation -- instead of realizing that my parents did what they did because that is what they are taught -- they are also programs in the system existing in self-abuse, thus this is also abusing me as Life as all as one as equal -- this has to stop -- the only way is to forgive each other unconditionally and never do this again -- till here no further!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to resist forgiving my parents unconditionally because i have defined myself as a victim, perceiving/believing that i must revenge and get even with them before i can forgive them -- this is placing self-interest over Life's interest and spitefulness to who i really am as Life thus self-abuse -- this can not be tolerated in any way whatsoever.

I stop the fucking programs no matter what!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to change my grading standards for students that i 'favor'.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compromise the principle that i stand for.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that this reflects the fact that i have manipulated the principle of Life as all as one as equal to fit into my self-interest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to mainpulate the principle of Life as all as one as equal to fit into my self-interest -- which is placing self-interest over Life interest as what is best for all -- thus self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself to such an extent that i perceive i can not handle the abuses and that i just want to give up -- i stop! Giving up is also self-abuse!