Self-Forgiveness on Participation in Class

Note: The following self-forgiveness was published on my Chinese blog on October 03, 2009, which I am now moving to this English blog.



I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to be clear with my starting point of participating in class.








I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form the ideat that Chinese students have the tendency to not participate in class.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself to be sepcial if i particpate in class asking answering questions or pointing out mistakes of the professor.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use my participation in class to support my personality design instead of speaking the words/communicating one and equal as me.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel special when i participate in class because all other Chinese students dare not to do this.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to feel special about myself and prove that i am special or superior.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in competition with other Chinese students.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want impress the students and professors while participating in class, only supporting my own self-definition.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i have been so suppressed all these years in class that i place much value/worth in participation in class.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place muchh value/worth in participation in class.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard participation in class to be very special/brave/difficult/challenging and feel nervous/anxious when i participate.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to design an idea of me as being out of the box, feeling superior/good about myself.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in class with the desire that other students notice me and regard me to be special/smart/clever/brave/different/profound.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get attention from other students and the professor.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to present myself as being iintelligent/smart/clever/insightful/superior when i participate in class.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire a specific outcome when i participate in class instead of simply me being here communicating as myself.







I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to participate in class with the starting point of assisting and supporting myself to stop programs within me.











I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel anxious/nerous when i participate in class because i placed too much value/worth in such an action and desire a specific outcome.







I frogive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in anticipation/expectation and desire to present myself.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be concerned with whether i am doing good/right, what is my performance etc.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be concerned with my performance when i participate in class instead of realizing that this indicates i am placing value/worth in what other people think about me which is actually supporting the self-image i hold of myself.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold a self-image of myself which i expect/desire other people to believe in or buy.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i may be judged as being stupid if i dare to ask some "stupid" questions or answer incorrectly where i may be judged as being stupid.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i may ask trivial questions which can not show my profoundness.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to build my self-image as being knowlegable/smart/clever/profound and fear that i may not be able to present my self-image in such a way successfully. Holy Fuck!







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by a self-image instead of me directing myself.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to move accroding to my self-image, being controlled/enslaved by such a self-image.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become a slave to a self-image.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live for my self-image, an idea of myself which i present myself as which is not real.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to move according to programs/ideas/perceptions/beliefs within me instead of me moving myself/expressing myself as who i really am unconditionally.







I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to realize what unconditional self-expression_r means and what self-movement means.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i may behave stupid which will my self-image as being smart/clever/profound.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become a slave to a picture within my mind which i hold as who i am.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire other students to worship me or admire me.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to impress the professor.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable/anxious/upset after i have answered a question/asked a question/pointed out a mistake because i am concerned with my performance and with what other people may think about me.







i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to replay the scene that has just happened in my mind and feel that it is difficult to feel peaceful.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel distrubed when i participated in class.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go up in my mind after i participated in class, replaying the scene again and again, not being able to hear what the professor is talking about.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be intimidated to participate in class.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i may make mistakes in participation in class, and fear being judged.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for participating in the class fearing that i may not be behaving well enough.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate with a certain expectation that the professor will notice me.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be concerned with how i can find an advisor to get into a research group.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to what i am facing/dealing with/handling, separating myself from the situation.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people may be judging my Englihs pronunciation.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my English pronuciation.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad that my pronunciation of the stress of words is incorrect.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to make mistakes.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel stressed out withh how to find an advisor.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire that everything will turn out naturally solved without any effort.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i may not be able to find an advisor.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that Verbarschot may backbite me so that i may lose all the opportunities of finding an advisor.







Till Here no further! Stop!







I stop anticipation/expectation of presenting myself according to my self-image within participation in class.







I stop my self-image through my mind as an idea/perception/believe of who i am.







I stop desiring to get attention from the students and professor.







I stop existing in stress/anxiety about finding an advisor.







Till here no further.







I am here as breath as Life as all as one as equal as the living word as the sound harmonic expression_r. I direct. I move. I am self-commitment. I am self-dedication. I am nature. I am earth. I am my human physical body.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Check out the following websites:


Desteni I Process: http://desteniiprocess.com/


Desteni website: http://www.desteni.co.za/


Equal Money System: http://www.equalmoney.org/


My Youtube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/WeiWuHere?feature=mhum

My Chinese Blog: http://blog.sina.com.cn/qiudaozhe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am a DIP agent. If you like what I do, you can work with me in the DIP.