Self-Forgiveness on Judging and Reacting to Family

Note: The following self-forgiveness is an expansion of those that I posted on my Chinese blog on October 16, 2009.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my family as fucked up systems and that i'd better get away from them so that i do not get influenced.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that I am not fucked up systems through comparing myself with my family and form opinions about my family and about myself.







I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am equally fucked up as everyone else in this world and that I am no better than others in this process.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself to be superior to my family.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my family through judging them as less than me.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as the teacher and savior of my family because I am apparently superior/better than/more than them.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be influenced by my family.







I forgive myself that I have acceptedand allowed myself to connect being influenced by my family to fear - and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.







I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I can only be influenced by external influences unless I give them permission - thus my responsibility.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard my family as disgusted systems and that i'd better keep myself away from them.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape from my family instead of realizing that this process is not about keeping my family away from me (neither is it about continuing those family bullshits) - that will not assist and support me or my family or anyone.







I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that family can be of great support in this process of facing myself and seeing/realizing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become - it is about the starting point of what I do.







I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that my family is one and equal with me as me, and that it is separation to judge my family for who they are currently.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people for who they are currently in their process.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my family through judging them for who they are currently in their process.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that i should present myself as being harsh/cruel/ruthless in order to present myself as being self-honest, instead of realing that being harsh/cruel/ruthless should not be the starting point or the purpose of my action, but that the starting point should be of equality and oneness - standing one and equal with my family, assisting and supporting them as who they really are equal as me.







I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept my family as my equals.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that I am justified to just leave my family as what they are without taking actions - instead of realizing that within such an acceptance, I have also given permission to myself to be left to be who I am without assitance and support.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to leave my family as who they accept and allow them to be without taking action.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that my family will not hear me anyway so i will not bother to communicate or do something about it.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the assumption that my family will not hear me anyway thus cutting off the communication with my family.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seclude myself from my family - defining such an act as of sel-honesty.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to experience the apparent argument/conflict if i challenge my family's self-definitions and shake them up because what i say they would not like to hear.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect argument/conflict to fear - and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.







I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that it is not about my family - it is about who I am within my family - what I have accepted and allowed myself and my family to be and become.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the starting point of my participation within my family to my family in separation of myself - instead of realizing that it is about who I am.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to my family's self-dishonesties without taking action because i have accepted that they won't hear me anyway and what i have to say is unpleasent and may offend them so i'd better leave them alone.







I forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to give permission to self-dishonesties within other beings instead of realizing that by doing this i have given permission to self-dishonesties to exist/continue within me.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I may offend my family.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect offending my family to fear - and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.







I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that not fearing to offend others does not mean that I have to deliberately offend others in order to prove that I do not fear offending them - offending others should not become the starting point of my participation with others because then my starting point would be of separation from myself - towards others. If what is necessary to be said then it is simply said - not allowing myself to hold myself back out of fear that I may offend them.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my family's reactions towards me, feeling frustrated/threatened by them and fearing to experience such reactions again.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the emotion of frustrattion/being threatened when my family react to my words.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the emotional reaction of frustration/being threatened is who I am.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into reactions instead of reazlizing i was giving my power away to reactions to control/enslave me.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by energetic emotional reaction - instead of me directing myself.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to experience reactions to my family's reactions.







I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to connect reacting to my family's reactions to fear and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe i should not bother to challenge my family's dishonesties but give permission to them to continue, so that i won't offend them and then we are all OK - instead of realizing that this is how we are supporting each others personalities of the mind existing in self-dishonesty.







I forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that i should avoid offending other beings and avoid conflicts in all situations instead of realizing that I am actually avoiding to face my own fear. -- However, it does not mean that I have to deliberately create situations of unnecessary conflicts.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react in guilt and sadness that i offended my family.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the emotion of guilt and sadness.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that I am required to go into guilt and sadness for having offended my family because apparently I have broken their hearts.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be conditioned by moraltiy as how I should behave within the family situation where I apparently broken my family's heart.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the manipulation of the minds' protection/defense mechanisms from my family.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my family for my experience of falling for the manipulation of the mind instead of realizing that I am responsible for how I experienced myself emotionally/energetically.







I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that it is not of a self-honest starting point to deliberately get invovled in arguments with my father to feed each other's ego.







I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that my family's reactions to me and my reactions to them are all protection/defense mechanisms of the mind.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and get angry for falling for the manipulation of the mind's protection/defense mechanisms.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my family to manipulate me - instead of realizing that I am responsible for accepting allowing myself to be manipulated by my own mind.







I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to risk everything to do whatever needs to be done to chanllege all self-dishonesties/illusions no matter what.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear risking my self-definition as a good/nice person/son/brother.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to protect my own self-definitions/illusions/self-dishonesties through fear.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that my father has his right to hold onto his beliefs, instead of realizing that by giving permission to my father the right to continue to exist as who he is I am also giving permission to myself the right to continue to exist as who I am of the mind - abusing who we all really are as Life. Unacceptable!







I will do whatever it takes and risk everything to not accept anyone less than who we all really are as Life as all as one as equal.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that since i can not show love to my family, i must present myself as hate which is the polarity opposite of love.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that I should not show love to my family instead of realizing that this sentence is indicating that I am still believing that love is something that is able to be presented to my family in some way.







I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if love is required to be shown to someone/something, it implies love is not real in fact as who we are but that the opposite actually exist in order for love to exist.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word love and hate through defining them in my family in separation of myself.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word love to my mother.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word love and from my mother through defining the word love within my mother in separation of myself.







I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to connec the word hate to my father.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word hate and from my father through defining the word father within the word hate in separation of myself.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto resentment/blame/anger/hatred towards my family, wanting to separate myself from my family, not allowing myself to actually stand one and equal with my family as my family to assist and support them as me.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to control my family and let them do what I want them to do.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my family to do what I want them to do.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in expectations.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to force my family to do what I want them to do and who i want them to be.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry that my family did not do what I expected/wanted them to do.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change my family the way I want them to be.







I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I can not force others to change - my starting point would then be of separation.







I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize my starting point within this process must be who I am as self - not in separation of myself.







I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that it is not to force my family to change - but to change who I am and live the change as who I am within this process and assist and support those that i come to interaction with to change/transform themselves - but I can not force anyone to change and I can not change for anyone - each has to be willing to be self-willed equals to transform ourselves and this world as ourselves to bring heaven on earth.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to and as expectations and anticipations.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my family to change to the way I want them to be.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give up my family within frustration that i can not change them because they did not do exactely what i expected them to do, and say "they'd better go fuck themselves" - instead of realizing that the starting point of forcing my family to change in the way I would them to be is fucked up in the first place - because then my focus point is not who I am but become all about my family.







I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to take responsibility for myself first, transforming/changing myself and live the self-transformation/self-change as a living example of change to assist and support my family to transform/change as themselves equl and one as myself.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought 'they'd beter go fuck themselves'.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the thought 'they'd better go fuck themselves' with the emotional reaction of anger and spite.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger and spite.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to and as anger and spite.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty that i have participated in the thought 'they'd better go fuck themselves'.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the emotion of guilt.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the thought 'they'd better go fuck themselves' as bad/wrong/negative.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the thought 'they'd better go fuck themselves' through judging the thought as bad/wrong/negative.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abandon my family by saying "they'd better go fuck themselves".







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for having the thought 'they'd better go fuck themselves' because I have regarded this thought as me abandoning my family.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad/wrong for having the thought 'they'd better go fuck themselves' coming up into my mind - from a morality perspective.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that I must 'care' for my family and by saying 'they'd better go fuck themselves' within my mind, I am not doing what I am supposed to do within the context of 'care' as a morality standard within family.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I have done something wrong because I had the thought of abandoning my family and that I am not caring my family enough.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blinded/consumed by the family construct, disregarding the rest of the world.







I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that 'care' in the context of family construct is not real - because how can care exist if I do not care all equally but only care my own family?







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to expect my family to agree with me to accept my point and when it is not i get frustrated/disappointed and go into spitefulness.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in expectation of myself to agree with me.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my family to support my ego through agreeing with my opinion.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated/disappointed and go into spitefulness because my opinion was not supported.







I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize the spitefulness towards my family is actually self-spite - me being spiteful to myself through my mind.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat "go fuck yourselves and suffer for what you do" as spitefulness as a punishment to my family.







I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat "You don't hear me. You will suffer."







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in spite and nastiness for not being able to control my family and let them do what I want them to do.







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become spiteful and nasty for losing control.







I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my family to suffer because they did not want to hear me.







I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the true nature of me as spite and nastiness revealed when my ego/mind/opinions/control is not supported.







I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that who they really are is one and equal with who i really am -- we are one and equl as Life -- no matter how deep they are trapped, i will not give them up as who they really are -- i will do whatever it takes until they stand up, take self-responsibility to honour who we all really are as Life -- yet the first step is to take responsibility for myself.











I will not accept myself to react to my family's reactions because of feeling offended, instead i see that their reactions indicate that they are trapped in the mind consciousness systems and that is the suffering of Life the suffering of who i really am. I can not just stop there, saying i will give you up -- you do whatever you want to do. No! That is unacceptable! Within the understanding of Life suffering, within the understanding of their pains and sufferings, within my pains and sufferings, i will not stop until the abuse of Life/the abuse of whowho we all really are stops! If I am in such situations, what do I really need? Practical assistance and support if I have walked through the same points.







Can you just react in spitefulness, resentment because you perceive that you have been offended/you feel bad? Can you just abandon/reject/give up them because of your personal feelings/because you perceive that they offended you? Why do you hold such a grip towards resentment/unforgiveness? Can you place Life over your own personal feelings and emotions? Or do you place your own personal feelings/emotions/reactions over Life? What will you do? What is the honour of Life? Ask yourself. What does risking everything mean? Do you hold onto your own good name/fame/defintions? Give up self-interest entirely/completely! Honour LIFE as who we really are no matter what!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Check out the following websites:
Desteni I Process: http://desteniiprocess.com/


Desteni website: http://www.desteni.co.za/


Equal Money System: http://www.equalmoney.org/


My Youtube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/WeiWuHere?feature=mhum


My Chinese Blog: http://blog.sina.com.cn/qiudaozhe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am a DIP agent. If you like what I do, you can work with me in the DIP.