Self and Self-Expression

The following is a modification and expansion of a blog post I published on my Chinese blog on 2009-7-23.


A quote from desteni: "thus in applying forgiveness in every moment, before acting or speaking, making sure I stand as self awareness as me and correct what is necessary within (which is that which had been the cause through acceptance and allowance by me to manifest what exist within me and my world that is not of who I really am)"

I did not understand self. I formed an idea that self is only within which is defined as a personality while the outer world from my previous understanding is more of a random environment, instead of realizing that by the law of my being the inner reality as me is one and equal with the outer reality as my world as me. So Self exists both within and without - one and equal. Self is the origin - all points all sources of this reality. This is the correction of the misconception that I have formed about self.

The perception of 'something outside self separate from self' is an indication of separation - 'outside self' is not restricted to self's external world - all the points that self has separated self from is OUTSIDE SELF both within and without within the realization that self exists both within and without one and equal. All separation points are represented/contained by/as the mind as thoughts, emotions and feelings. If I have any thoughts, emotions and feelings, I am existing in self-separation. Yet it is not to judge separation but to stand one and equal Here with it and stand up from it and stop/correct self. Thus I correct myself within and live the solution without through/by/as Common Sense as what is best for all in every moment.

Self expression is not about expressing something towards somebody/something. It is shared in Desteni materials that Self-Honesty = Self-Trust = Self-Expression. So my current defintion of Self-expression would be: expression of self as who I am within/as self-trust as self-honesty. The starting point of self has to be self-honesty. Within Self-honesty, I can start to build self-trust. If the starting point is self-dishonesty,then I cannot trust myself because everything that flows from self-dishonesty is a lie. Within self-trust, I can express myself within my living expression the trust of/as who I am in/as self-honesty.

However, how to 'get' from inner awareness to outer expression? Infinite moment between the in breath and the out breath - common sense as taking into consideration what is best for all in the moment.

In every moment as every breath we stand as life, within Common Sense as what is Best for All in every moment to drive the existence into the manifestation that is Best for All.

I realize much of what I have written here is still knowledge and information - not yet a self living expression as who I am. It is a process for me to learn what self-honesty/self-trust/self-expression actually means in practical application.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as something within/as my body separate from everything else in reality.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize my oneness with/as all of existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not even able to perceive that I am one with all of existence because I have defined myself as this limited and separate self from all of existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive this existence to be a collection of separate/impenetrable/conceptualized/abstract/solid entities that are disconnected from each other - and within such an acceptance and allowance of concepts of how and what this reality is, I also created such an idea about myself as an abstract/impenetrable/solid separate self from everything else within existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as the mind set of this existence being a collection of separate objects.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the perception/idea/belief that I formed about reality/existence - a collection of separate objects - to be real instead of realizing that it is merely an interpretation that I have projected onto reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the physical as consisting of separate/static/abstract objects.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the physical according to pictures that I see through my human physical eyes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the physical manifestations through defining the physical reality according to/as the pictures that I see through my human physical eyes.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question the pictured reality concept that I have projected onto the physical reality and which I have believed to be what the physical reality actually is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'isolated objects' are able to exist.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to believe that the physical reality consists of isolated objects.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that everything that is Here in/as the physical is the manifestation of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate my inner reality from my outer reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive/believe that what I exprience wiithin my world has nothing to do with what goes on within me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be lost within the concept of this reality being a collection of isolated separate objects.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto this image of myself as some solid/isolated/abstract/separate concept that is separate from everything else in this reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condition myself into/as this separate self concept.



I accept and realize that I am not an isolated separate island from this existence/reality. I accept and realize that all and everything that exists within reality is one with who I am.

I accept and allow myself to embrace all and everything in this reality as who I am - the first practical point is for me to stand one and equal with what I accept and allow myself to be and become.

I do not accept and allow myself to hold onto the idea of me being an isolated object that is separate from everything in existence.

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Desteni website: http://www.desteni.co.za/
Equal Money System: http://www.equalmoney.org/
Desteni I Process: http://desteniiprocess.com/
My Youtube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/WeiWuHere?feature=mhum

My Chinese Blog: http://blog.sina.com.cn/qiudaozhe

Starting point of creation and Process

I am currently in the process of reorganizing my blogs. I have one Chinese blog(http://blog.sina.com.cn/qiudaozhe) and one English blog which is this one. There are some articles that I wrote in English previously and placed  in my Chinese blog which I am now moving to this English blog (with possible corrections/modifications). The following is one of those articles (with date indicated).

Starting point of creation and Process

(2009-06-14 06:56:47)

The starting point is very important.

We create/manifest/experience from our starting point. Creation/manifestation/experience is equal and one with the starting point.

The starting point of creation has changed. The previous starting point of creation is of separation. Thus we manifested creation as consciousness manifested as mind consciousness systematic reality within which we experience ourselves as mind consciousness systems--all outflows of our starting point of separation.

Now the starting point of creation has changed to equality and oneness as all as one as equal. The constructs that has ever supported separation has been removed--thus separation is no longer supported--but the new starting point of oneness and equality as all as one as equal is supported!

The Process is about our starting point - transforming our starting point from separation to oneness and equality as life as all as one as equal as the living word as who we really are every here moment as breath within and as self-honesty/self-trust as self walk the princle of equality and oneness manifesting heaven on/as earth.

So I have to be very careful about my starting point - because I manfiest/experience my starting point - I must make sure my starting point is not of separation but of life as all as one as equal as the living word as who I really am.

Within applying self-forgiveness, realise that self-forgiveness is self as self, not applying self-forgiveness from the starting point of separation. Some points of separation in applying self-forgivenss are wanting/desiring to change/lessen a consequence; comparing/competeing with others in the Process etc.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare/compete with other desteni forum members and within this comaprison/competition I perceived myself to be less than/inferior to other forum memebers and want/desire to be one and equal with them, not realising the starting point of such a want/desire is separation.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that comparison/competition is of separation.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that the inferiority that I have experienced is unnecessary and needs to be released.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that by wanting/desiring to be one and equal with others as me, I am actually existing in/as separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others through participation in comparison/competition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an idea of oneness and equality which is based on separation and attempted to become my idea of oneness and equality with other beings as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that only after I have done something/achieved something/been somebody else can I be one and equal with other beings as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that I have achieved oneness and equality with other beings as me after I have done specific applications instead of realising I only succeeded in deceiving myself into my idea of oneness and equality which is not the absolute self-realisation of oneness and equaltiy.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that I am already one and equal with other beings as me and that I only simply need to realise it for/as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that I do not need to do specific applications in order to become/achieve oneness and equality -I only need to realise oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to manipulate/interprete my experience to appear to be more than who I really am/what I really experienced.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that others have done something stupid or are not able to do something that I am able to, within this imagination/illusionary scenario, I gained a feeling of being more than/superior while regarding others as less than, and in order to hold onto this feeling of being more than/superior I experienced in my mind illusionary reality I persuaded myself that what I imagined in my mind to be real to justify my experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the inferiority that I have actually experienced by fearing to face/avoiding the inferiority within me, instead I attempted/tried to cover the inferiority with illusionary superiority that I created in my mind illusionary reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the illusionary superiority that I have experienced in my mind illusionary reality, fearing to face the actual experience of me as inferiority which I have accepted and allowed within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to my mind/the illusionary mind reality to escape from what i actually experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the illusion of superiority/strength/intelligence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face what is real/fear to face the true nature that I have accepted and allowed within me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be brave enough to face the true nature of me that I have accepted and allowed within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe myself to be less than what I actually experienced, fearing to face what is real, hiding in illusion, separating myself from what is real here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the true nature that I have accepted and allowed within me, perceiving/believing myself to be incapable/powerless to face the true nature of me, instead I chose to escape from what is real here and live in a mind illusionary reality where I can experience myself to be superior/worthy/valuable/powerful as I wish.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependent on the mind to create a mind illusionary reality for me to experience myself as superior/worthy/valuable/powerful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my mind and the mind illusionary reality, hold onto my mind, and fear losing my mind and my mind illusionary reality where I experience myself to be superior/worthy/valuable/powerful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I experience in my mind is real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so stuck in my mind that I can not discriminate between what is real and what is not real/what I actually experienced and what I did not actually experience but manipulated/interpreted my experience in my mind and believed it to be real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate/tamper with my experience in my mind and believe the experience after manipulation to be real.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be absoultely self-honest about my experience without interpretation and manipulation through my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependent on my mind to experience myself which is of separation.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that I have been so stuck in my mind illusionary reality that I am not aware when I manipulate/interprete my experience.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that I have been so sophisticated in manipulating/interpretation my experience that without absolute self-honesty I do not recoginse/see/realise the manipulation/interpretation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify why I should continue existing in/as defining myself as my mind/mind illusionary reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my mind, fear losing my mind illusionary reality where I experience/perceive/define myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in deliberate self-dishonesty, using justifications/excuses to continue existing in/as my mind.

Till here no further.

I stop existing in/as my mind depending on my mind to perceive/experience myself in an illusionary reality.

I stop defining mysself as my mind.

I stand one and equal as life as all as one as equal.

I assist and support myself to be effective in applying myself within/as the principle of equality and oneness as life within/as self-honesty/self-trust/self-expression.

I direct. I will. I move. I act. I apply. I express. I live.

I live/walk the principle of equality and oneness as life.

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Desteni website: http://www.desteni.co.za/


Equal Money System: http://www.equalmoney.org/
Desteni I Process: http://desteniiprocess.com/
 
My Youtube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/WeiWuHere?feature=mhum
 
My Chinese Blog:  http://blog.sina.com.cn/qiudaozhe

Guideline of Self-forgiveness on Eating

A thread on the facebook discussion that might also be helpful for others: http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=10150105501548670&id=683343669

The following is one of my responses regarding self-forgiveness on eating:

With regards to the point of judgments and guilt, I apply SF on them. Specific SF will depend on what specific judgment and guilt one is experiencing. For example, one point in my case is my judgment of eating as wrong, bad, negative and the guilt experienced thereof. The SF for this point can be:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word eating with a negative value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge eating as wrong, bad and negative.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from eating through judging eating as wrong, bad, negative.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge eating as wrong, bad, negative because eating takes the life of other life forms. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into the experience of guilt when eating instead of realizing that guilt is of the mind and must be stopped.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience guilt when eating because of the judgment that I have placed on eating.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in guilt when eating.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing eating to exist as a trigger point within me, triggering the emotion of guilt within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word guilt to the word guilt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define guilt within the word eating.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word eating and from the word guilt through defining guilt within the word eating in separation of myself.


From here on I can look at what other words I have attached to the word eating and what pictures and memories I have about eating. Then do self-forgiveness on each point of them.


For example I have attached the word 'killing' to the word eating. Then the SF for this connection goes:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word killing to the word eating.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word eating within the word killing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word eating and from the word killing through defining the word eating within the word killing in separation of myself.


Then you go on to disconnect other words, pictures, memories connected to the word eating. That is how one purify words.


After doing SF on this one word eating, one can continue to apply SF on other words that are related to this word eating, for example the word 'killing', to purify the word from judgment, emotional reactions, pictures and memories attached to it the same way as one has done for the word eating. So it continues.

This is the way of applying SF described in the Desteni Introduction Courses, but of course here I am just giving an outline rather than specific guidelines in the course material.

Self-forgiveness Related to One Sigular Thought

The following is the self-forgiveness part of my assignment 3 in the Desteni Introduction Course. It is specific self-forgiveness application related to one sigular thought. In this lesson it is explained in detail how to apply self-forgiveness specifically and provided a very useful guideline to assist with self-forgiveness application.



Self-Forgiveness on the thought, the trigger point of the thought and the type of thought:



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think ‘I wish I could be as powerful as the son of dragon to direct the world’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect reading the comic book of the son of dragon to the thought ‘I wish I could be as powerful as the son of dragon to direct the world’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing reading the comic book of the son of dragon to exist as a trigger point within me, triggering the thought of ‘I wish I could be as powerful as the son of dragon to direct the world’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/desire/want to be as powerful as the son of dragon to direct the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the wish/desire/want ‘to be as powerful as the son of dragon to direct the world’ to exist within and as me.


Self-Forgiveness on Connecting Thought with Emotion/Feeling and Reason for Connection:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought ‘I wish I could be as powerful as the son of dragon to direct the world’ to the emotional experience of disappointment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the emotional experience of disappointment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional experience of disappointment because I realized that I am not able to practically manifest my desire of being as powerful as the son of dragon into reality so easily as in the comic reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disappointed because I realized that the son of dragon is just an imaginary character in the comic reality rather than a real being in the physical reality and what he did like magic in the comic reality without consideration of what direction and change practically entails in the physical reality is not able to be practically manifested in reality at least as easily as in the comic reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disappointed because I realized that there is no quick magical solution for what I was experiencing physically in my world which is stuckness/stagnation/lack of direction and change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish for a quick solution for the stuckness/stagnation/lack of direction and change that I experienced in my reality, not wanting to face my reality and take responsibility for my reality as myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to face my reality and take self-responsibility for what I have created and manifested in and as my world through my acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disappointed because I realized that I have to take responsibility for what I have created in my world and direct/change myself physically - which is not an easy task as in the comic reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the comic reality as a hiding place where I create an illusionary experience of power in my mind through imagining me to be the son of dragon directing the world so that I do not have to face the real reality as the physical reality as my world and this world in its entirety, instead of taking self-responsibility for what I have accepted, allowed, created and manifested and direct/change myself and my world physically breath by breath, step by step.


Self-Forgiveness on Positive/Negative Value and on Each Point in the Word-Web for Word 1:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word ‘power’ with a positive value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word ‘power’ as ‘positive’/’right’/’good’ within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ through judging the word ‘power’ as ‘positive’/’right’/’good’.


The son of dragon is powerful in the comic reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the comic character the son of dragon directing the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within the comic character the son of dragon directing the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from the son of dragon through defining the word ‘power’ within the comic character the son of dragon directing the world in separation of myself.


Mao Zedong is powerful to lead Chinese people to establish the new China

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to Mao Zedong leading Chinese people to establish the new China.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within Mao Zedong leading Chinese people to establish the new China.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from Mao Zedong through defining the word ‘power’ within Mao Zedong leading Chinese people to establish new China in separation of myself.


Able to direct and change the world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to being able to direct and change the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within being able to direct and change the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from being able to direct and change the world through defining the word ‘power’ within being able to direct and change the world in separation of myself.



Superman

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the word ‘superman’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within the word ‘superman’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from the word ‘superman’ through defining the word ‘power’ within the word ‘superman’ in separation of myself.



Hero

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the word ‘hero’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within the word ‘hero’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from the word ‘hero’ through defining the word ‘power’ within the word ‘hero’ in separation of myself.



Superiority

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the word ‘superiority’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within the word ‘superiority’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from the word ‘superiority’ through defining the word ‘power’ within the word ‘superiority’ in separation of myself.



Being the best in the world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to being the best in the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within being the best in the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word power and through defining the word power within being the best in the world in separation of myself.



Being able to do what others are not able to do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to being able to do what others are not able to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within being able to do what others are not able to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from others through defining the word ‘power’ within being able to do what others are not able to do – in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ through defining power in polarity to/in relation to others ‘lack of power’.



Memory of my undergraduate study when my grades were good and I was respected by others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the memory of my undergraduate study when my grades were good and I was respected by others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within the memory of my undergraduate study when my grades were good and I was respected by others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from ‘others’ through defining the word ‘power’ within the memory of my undergraduate study when my grades were good and I was respected by others – in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to good grade and being respected.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within good grade and being respected.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from good grade and being respected through defining the word ‘power’ within good grade and being respected - in separation of myself.



Knowledge

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the word ‘knowledge’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within the word ‘knowledge’ regarding knowledge to be powerful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from the word ‘knowledge’ through defining the word ‘power’ within the word ‘knowledge’ in separation of myself.



Money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the word ‘money’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within the word ‘money’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from the word ‘money’ through defining the word ‘power’ within the word ‘money’ in separation of myself.



Control

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the word ‘control’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within the word ‘control’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from the word ‘control’ through defining the word ‘power’ within the word ‘control’ in separation of myself.



The memory of my father being an authority in the family who is able to punish me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the memory of my father being an authority in the family who is able to punish me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within the memory of my father being an authority in the family who is able to punish me with him being the representation of power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from my father through defining the word ‘power’ within the memory of my father as an authority in the family punishing me – in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘lack of power’ to the memory of me being punished by my father with me being the representation of the one that is lack of power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define ‘lack of power’ within the memory of me being punished by my father.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from ‘lack of power’ and from my father through defining ‘lack of power’ within the memory of me being punished by my father – in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from ‘lack of power’ through defining the word ‘power’ in polarity/relationship according to ‘lack of power’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the word ‘authority’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within the word ‘authority’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from the word ‘authority’ through defining the word ‘power’ within the word ‘authority’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the word ‘punishment’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ in polarity to the word ‘punishment’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from the word ‘punishment’ through defining the word ‘power’ in polarity according to the word ‘punishment’ – in separation of myself.



Limitation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the word ‘limitation’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ in polarity to the word ‘limitation’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from the word ‘limitation’ through defining the word ‘power’ in polarity according to the word ‘limitation’ – in separation of myself.



The picture of me flying in the dream

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the picture of me flying in the dream.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within the picture of me flying in the dream.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from the dream through defining the word ‘power’ within the picture of me flying in the dream - in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the word ‘dream’ and ‘illusion’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within the word ‘dream’ and ‘illusion’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from the word ‘dream’ and ‘illusion’ through defining the word ‘power’ within the word ‘dream’ and ‘illusion’ - in separation of myself.



Responsibility

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the word ‘responsibility’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ within the word ‘responsibility’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from the word ‘responsibility’ through defining the word ‘power’ within the word ‘responsibility’ in separation of myself.



Abuse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘power’ to the word ‘abuse’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘power’ in polarity to the word ‘abuse’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘power’ and from the word ‘abuse’ through defining the word ‘power’ in polarity according to the word ‘abuse’ – in separation of myself.



Self-Forgiveness on Positive/Negative Value and on Each Point in the Word-Web for Word 2:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word ‘change’ with a positive value from the perspective of wanting/desiring to change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word ‘change’ as ‘good’/’positive’/’right’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ through judging the word ‘change’ as ‘good’/’positive’/’right’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word ‘change’ with a negative value because of my failing to change and that change is difficult.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word ‘change’ as ‘negative’/’bad’/’wrong’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ through judging the word ‘change’ as ‘negative’/’bad’/’wrong’.





The son of dragon being able to change the world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘change’ to the son of dragon being able to change the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ within the son of dragon.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ and from the son of dragon through defining the word ‘change’ within the son of dragon in separation of myself.



The memory of my experience of effectiveness in the hospital at the earlier stage of getting involved with Desteni materials

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘change’ to the memory of my experience of effectiveness in the hospital at the earlier stage of getting involved with Desteni materials.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ within the memory of my hospital experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ and from my experience in the hospital through defining the word ‘change’ within the memory of the hospital experience in separation of myself.



Consistency

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘change’ to the word ‘consistency’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ within the word ‘consistency’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ and from the word ‘consistency’ through defining the word ‘change’ within the word ‘consistency’ in separation of myself.



Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘change’ to the word ‘breath’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ within the word ‘breath’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ and from the word ‘breath’ through defining the word ‘change’ within the word ‘breath’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ in polarity to ‘breath’ because I have connected ‘I have not been breathing consistently in awareness’ to ‘no change’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ and from the word ‘breath’ through defining the word ‘change’ in polarity according to ‘I have not been breathing consistently in awareness’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘no change’ to ‘I have not been breathing consistently in awareness’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define ‘no change’ within ‘I have not been breathing consistently in awareness’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from ‘no change’ and from ‘breath’ through defining ‘no change’ within ‘I have not been breathing consistently in awareness’ in separation of myself.



Powerless/helpless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘change’ to the word ‘powerless’ and the word ‘helpless’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ in polarity to the word ‘powerless’ and the word ‘helpless’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ and from the word ‘powerless’ and the word ‘helpless’ through defining the word ‘change’ in polarity according to the word ‘powerless’ and the word ‘helpless’ – in separation of myself.



Failure/Giving up - The memory of me not being able to change the habit of procrastination

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘change’ to the memory of not being to change the habit of procrastination.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ in polarity to the memory of not being to change the habit of procrastination.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ in polarity to the words ‘failure/giving up’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ and from the words of ‘failure/giving up’ through defining the word ‘change’ in polarity according to the words of ‘failure/giving up’, in separation of myself.



Idea of change within my mind/Physical change

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘change’ to the idea of change within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ within the idea of change within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ through defining the word ‘change’ within the idea of change within my mind in separation from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘change’ to the words ‘physical change’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ within the words ‘physical change’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ and rom the physical change through defining the word ‘change’ within the words ‘physical change’ in separation of myself.



Confusion

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘change’ to the word ‘confusion’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ in polarity to the word ‘confusion’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ and the word ‘confusion’ through defining the word ‘change’ in polarity according to the word ‘confusion’ in separation of myself.



Difficult/Effort

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘change’ to the word ‘difficult/effort’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ in polarity to the word ‘difficult/effort’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ and from the word ‘difficult/effort’ through defining the word ‘change’ in polarity according to the word ‘difficult/effort’ in separation of myself.



Waiting – the memory of waiting for change to happen after I visit the Desteni farm

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘change’ to the memory of waiting for change to happen after I visit the Desteni farm.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ within the memory of waiting for change to happen after I visit the Desteni farm.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ in polarity to the words ‘wait’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ and from the word ‘wait’ through defining the word ‘change’ in polarity according to the word ‘wait’, in separation of myself.



Fate/Limitation – the physical manifestation of palmar creases after I started my process

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘change’ to the physical manifestation of palmar creases after I started my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ within the physical manifestation of palmar creases after I started my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ in polarity to the words ‘limitation’ and ‘fate’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ and from the words ‘limitation’ and ‘fate’ through defining the word ‘change’ in polarity to the words ‘limitation’ and ‘fate’, in separation of myself.



Direct

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘change’ to the word ‘direct’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘change’ within the word ‘direct’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘change’ and from the word ‘direct’ through defining the word ‘change’ within the word ‘direct’ in separation of myself.



Self-Forgiveness on Picture as a whole, details of the picture, what the picture represents and Connection to the thought for picture 1:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a picture of a few people on the left down corner bowing to the son of dragon who is up there on the top right corner – to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect this picture of the son of dragon being worshipped to the thought ‘I wish I could be as powerful as the son of dragon to direct the world’.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect worship and power to a picture in my mind of a few people on the left down corner bowing to the son of dragon who is up there on the top right corner.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the words worship and power within a picture in my mind of a few people on the left down corner bowing to the son of dragon who is up there on the top right corner.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I require to be worshipped by other people in order for me to experience myself as being powerful.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the words worship and power through defining the words in separation of myself within a picture of the son of dragon on the throne being worshipped by others.





Self-Forgiveness on Picture as a whole, details of the picture, what the picture represents and Connection to the thought for picture 2:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a picture of the son of dragon fighting with enemies using a knife, with his face twisted, sweat on his face, his teeth gritted and blood are coming out from the enemies’ body with their arms and legs flying apart – to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect this picture of the son of dragon killing enemies to the thought ‘I wish I could be as powerful as the son of dragon to direct the world’.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect war, fight, violence, struggle and power to a picture in my mind of the son of dragon fighting with enemies using a knife, with his face twisted, sweat on his face, his teeth gritted and blood are coming out from the enemies’ body with their arms and legs flying apart.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the words war, fight, violence, struggle and power within a picture in my mind of the son of dragon killing enemies.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the words war, fight, violence, struggle and power through defining these words in separation of myself within a picture of the son of dragon killing enemies.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must be violent in order to experience myself as being powerful.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word power to the word violent.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define power within the word violent.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word power and from the word violent through defining the word power within the word violent in separation of myself.





Self-Forgiveness on Memory (use Relevant points to describe the Memory), on Reason for holding on to the Memory and on Connection to the thought for memory 1:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the memory of me in the hospital sharing insights in group discussions, making creative artworks, assisting and supporting other beings and directing myself out of the hospital, to the thought ‘I wish I could be as powerful as the son of dragon to direct the world’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memory of me in the hospital sharing insights in group discussions, making creative artworks, assisting and supporting other beings and directing myself out of the hospital.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined my expression of being stable, insightful, creative, expressive, assisting, supportive, directive and powerful to the memory of me in the hospital sharing insights in group discussions, making creative artworks, assisting and supporting other beings and directing myself out of the hospital.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my self-expression of being stable, insightful, creative, expressive, assisting and supportive, directive and powerful through defining them within the memory of me in the hospital sharing insights in group discussions, making creative artworks, assisting and supporting other beings and directing myself out of the hospital – in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that stability, insight, creativity, expression, assistance, support, direction and power is here as me in every moment of breath.



Self-Forgiveness on Memory (use Relevant points to describe the Memory), on Reason for holding on to the Memory and on Connection to the thought for memory 2:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the memory of me having a good grade and being respected by other students because they call me ‘brother Wei’ in my undergraduate study, to the thought ‘I wish I could be as powerful as the son of dragon to direct the world’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memory of me having a good grade and being respected by other students in my undergraduate study.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge a positive value to the memory of my undergraduate study.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word disappointment to the memory of my undergraduate study when I had a good grade and was respected by other students.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘disappointment’ in polarity to the memory of undergraduate study when I had a good grade and was respected by other students.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word disappointment through defining it in polarity to the memory of my undergraduate study – in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define power within a memory of me having a good grade and being respected by other students in my undergraduate study.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word power through defining the word power within the memory of my undergraduate study when I was respected – in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word power to the word respect.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word power within the word respect.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word power and from the word respect through defining the word power within the word respect in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must have a good grade in order for me to experience myself as powerful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must be respected by others in order for me to experience myself as powerful.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that power is here as myself in every moment of breath.

Self-forgiveness on excuses to not face myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into resistance within working on a point of facing myself - facing the self-dishonesty that i have accepted and allowed and within the resistance i wanted to drop off the point that i have already opened up from the starting point of not facing it/hiding/denying/resisting/protecting my self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use 'It is too much. It is too extensive. It is huge. It is messy.' as excuses/justifications to not face myself and take self-responsibility to correct myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create the situation where everything is just all over the place and where i become ineffective in my application so that i do not face myself effectively.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to find excuses/justifications in order to escape from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to turn to my mind to find out some excuses/justfications to escape from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire excuses/justifications to not face myself.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see that I actually designed/created myself into ineffectiveness so that i do not have to face myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use ineffectiveness as a justification for not facing myself as the self-dishonesty/self-deceptions that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately go into ineffectiveness in order to escape from myself.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have deliberately enslaved myself out of my accepted and allowed self-dishonesty of wanting to escape from the self-dishonesty that i created/designed as myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant/unwilling to face myself instead of seeing/realizing that such a behavior is acceptance and allowance of self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify that i have the right/choice to be reluctant to do something instead of realizing that i was allowing myself to enslave myself. I do not tolerate the bullshit justifications!!!
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately divert my attention away from the point i am working on because of the extent of self-dishonesty that i have seen within the point.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape from facing the extensive self-dishonesty that i have accepted and allowed instead of realizing that i can not escape from myself and that resisting/denying/justifying self-dishonesty is only prolonging my process.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to jump to other points so that i do not have to face this point that i am working on which i have seen self-dishonesty within it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately type some nonsense characters and then erase them, which is a method i have used to resist facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use time - the 12 o'clock as the 'going back to dorm' time as an escaping method and attempt to find ways to prolong my writing so that i can get to 12 o'clock and go back to the dorm.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately 'become' ineffective in my writing from the starting point of getting to 12 o'clock when i will escape from the situation of facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is a saving grace when i got an ache in my stomach and wanted to go to the bathroom because that will buy me more time towards 12o'clock when i will be able to get out of the situation from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become sleepy within facing msyelf which is another method i have created to escape from facing the point i am working on.
I forgive myself that i have accetped and allowed myself to give into sleepiness/lethargy as a means to escape from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into the state of daydreaming - with me closing my eyes and participate in my mind in the pictures coming up - in order to escape from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into the thoughts/pictures/images that come up into my mind and allow them to distract me from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to face myself and find all sorts of excuses/justfications/methods/means to escape from myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into and go into what my mind provided me with as the distraction methods so that i do not face myself.
I forgiv emyself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become habitually self-deceptive and have designed so many ways in order to not face myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to resistance to take me over and go into all sorts of justfications/excuses so that i do not have to face myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately make the point i am facing with more huge/vast/extensive than what it seems to be so that i can scare myself away and justify why i do not want to face myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make situations more than what it is so that i can use it as an excuse/justification to escape from facing myself.

It's too much

Desteni video: Noooooo -- IT's TOO MUCH!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDIPS1ibhWU

Tonight as i was starting to consider taking on a point/pattern that i have become aware/seen within myself through watching one Desteni video which i have take some notes within the process of watching, I experienced resistance. The resistance comes from seeing the pattern as being too extensive. It is such a mess. It consists of so many points that i do not even know where to get started. So I looked at the note i have taken from the video several times. I was still not deciding where to get started. This pattern of feeling overwhelmed by what i am facing and dealing with and the resistance thereof has been a major problem that is preventing me from applying myself effectively.

The memory that I had that is related to this point is my past experience with self-forgiveness. The problem with the way i applied self-forgiveness is that as i go on with the self-forgiveness sentences like in writing or speaking, usually there will be other points come up that is related to the point i am applying self-forgiveness on. Then I deviate from the initial point and jump into the point that came up related to the intial one, and that continues as i continue with SF - even deviating from the second point that i jumped into. So within applying SF I was hopping all over the weblike structure interconnected/interlinked through words, 'opeining up' points yet with neither point went into specifity and cleared up. The end result is a huge mess of unfinished job in front of me. This ineffectiveness in applying self-forgiveness has bothered me for quite some time. I was like stuck in the huge web-like structure of words connected/linked to each other. It's huge and messy and seem never ending. I feel overwhelmed by the extensive amout of 'job' that now i have to finish. Even when i started to take on one of the 'unfinished job', i was thinking about the huge amount of points that i have not finished dealing with which i have already opened up. So i was not attentive in getting one point done but jumped into other points again out of worry and concern of all the points that is there. I am like a fireman that is attempting to put out fire that is burning all over the place. LOL. Where does the fire come from? I created it. I created the situation. I allowed my mind to distract me from the initial point that i was dealing with and went off track to 'open up' a huge load of other points -- setting fire all over the place. I am not saying that all those other points do not exist. It is just that when i am dealing with one point all other points that I 'open up' become distractions which do not allow me to focus on one point and get it done within specificity. I actually had the obligation to 'open up' points that i see in the middle of writing self-forgiveness because I had this idea that if i do not deal with it right now i am self-dishonest. But you see that is exactly how i get off the track and deviate from the initial point. The mind is very sly and is able to use whatever method to enslave me - even the idea i have created about what is self-dishonesty and what is self-honesty. Leaving out for now all other points that are NOT DIRECTLY related to the initial point that i have decided to take on and only focus on this one point is NOT self-dishonesty but only consideration of practicality and effectiveness. If the initial point has been dealt with effectively then I may consider taking on other points that came up/are related to the inital one.

This pattern is also seen in my experience in relation to my research project. I have the tendency to jump to other projects before i have completed even one project. Then i am 'opening up' several topics at the same time and attempt to deal with them simutaneously. But i am not effective due to the distraction and worry that there is so much work that i am going to have to deal with. But all the amount of work is created by myself. Actually my research advisor did not put on that much pressure on me instead i am doing it onto myself. It's a habitual pattern that i have created within which i am occupying, distracting and enslaving myself through attempting to deal with a lot of points at the same time. It is the same pattern playing out over and over again in different aspects of my life.

Maybe there are people who are mutlitaskful from the perspective of dealing with several points simultaneously, but i find it impractical for me at least in the moment to handle situations. Maybe it is because i have some misunderstanding in multitaskfulness and how it can be combined with one point at each time. But that is goint to deviate from the point i am dealing with right now.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed in facing the pattern that i have created and accepted and allowed myself to be and become due to the extensive nature of the mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is too much for me to handle what i am facing.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless in facing the extensive nature of the mind as that which i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist taking on the pattern that i have created due to the idea that it is too much for me to handle.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i do not know where to get started because i perceive that the pattern is just all over the place instead of taking on one point at a time and apply myself step by step.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not want to even get started within taking on what i am facing due to the resistance that i experienced which is based on the idea that it is too much to handle.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize the common sense that no matter how huge a task seem to be if i do not get started it is never going to be finished.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that no matter how huge a task seem to be it is still completed through doing it step by step.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my experience of feeling overwhelmed in front of the point that i am facing and working on. I noticed an interesting point: i used the word 'deal with' instead of 'work on' when i was writing this self-forgiveness sentence. Then i was in some sense attempting to make a deal with the point i am facing. Just an interesting realization. OK. No deviation.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of dealing many points at the same time and feel overwhelmed by the situation i created by myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deviate from the initial point that i have decided to work on in applying self-forgiveness and within this deviation i open up many other points which become a messy situation by which i feel overwhelmed.
I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to be distracted and led off track by other points that come up in the middle of working on one point.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to stick to the initial point that i have decided to work on and not allow myself to deviate from it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be led off track by mind into all sorts of other directions and get lost in it all instead of assisting and supporting myself to stick to one point and get it done in specificity and effectiveness.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel obligated to 'open up' and 'face' whatever points that come up in the middle of working on one point and perceive that if i do not do this i am self-dishonest instead of considering the practicality of taking on one point at a time and realizing that deviating from the initial point is not effective at all thus leaving out for the moment points that are not directly relevan to the initial one is not self-dishonesty but consideration of practicality and effectiveness.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize/see/understand that i have created the overwhelming situation for myself through not sticking to one point at a time.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i am not free if i stick to only one point instead of realizing that by attempting to be apparently free through deviating from one point and go into all sorts of other directions i am actually enslaving myself into a situation where i feel overwhelmed.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard sticking to one point at a time as enslavement and want to break away from it instead of seeing/understanding/realizing that i am actually pushing myself into the situation of enslavement.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the mind distraction through regarding it as self-honesty and freedom which are ideas that i have formed within mind -- they are not real self-honesty and freedom.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be worried/concerned with how much i have not done/completed.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty of all the other points that i have not taken on yet when i am working on one point already.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to sort myself all out in one moment instead of seeing that it is obvoiusly impossible.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the process requires patience, diligence and discipline -- patience with the realization that the process of sorting myself out takes time and it is not going to be just one moment and everything is done, diligence with the realization that i can not use 'the process takes time' as an excuse/justification to not face myself or sort myself out effectively, discipline as sticking to the principle of walking the process and assisting and supporting myself effectively. What patience, diligence and discipline practically mean i still yet to discover and explore for myself.

Practical living correction and application: How am i going to assist and support me practically with regards to this pattern that i have already created? Stick to one point each time and get it done effectively. Do not deviate from the initial point and jump into all sorts of other directions. Do not allow the worry or concern of how much i have not done to influence the point i am currently working on. What about all the points that i have already opened up? What about the several research topics that i have already got into? Prioritize them and still work on one point/project each time. This practical living correction part with regards to this point i still need to consider more and find out the most practical and effective way.

Finding fault and make-belief projection

Self-forgiveness on Finding fault and make-belief projection

(http://desteni.co.za/forum/viewtopic.php?f=80&t=14582&p=134900#p134900)

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the survival pattern as the personality which i have lived out, believed to be who i really am and feared losing.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attack people who actually assist and support me because me as a personality felt that i have been threatened/attacked and that i must protect/defend myself so that i as the personality of/as the mind can stay intact.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have enslaved myself through attacking people who assist me and through protecting myself as a personality - within this i have kept myself enslaved as a personality created through/as my participation within/as the mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard people who assist me - for example those who point out the personality of my mind that i am existing as, - to be a threat to myself because I have defined myself according to and as the personality of my mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to either attack people within my mind or regard their words as irrelevant, which are the methods that i used to protect/defend my personality based on survival.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself into/as the little mind bubble where i am just surviving as a personality and do not allow myself to see what i am actually existing as and also push people away who are assiting and supporting me to face myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard Desteni as a threat to me (actually a threat to my mind/personality/self-definition that are not real in the first place) and perceive/believe that i must find a way to get rid of this threat, which is where i went into the protection/defense mechanism of finding fault within Desteni, deeming Desteni material as full of contradictions and holes so that i have a reason/justification that i must break away from Desteni.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe that Desteni was controlling me and that i am going to be free if i break away from Desteni instead of realizing that this freedom that i have defined in this context is the 'freedom' from being threatened as a MCS so that i can continue to exist apparently 'freely' as a MCS/personality in self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify why i should find fault within others/Desteni materials without realizing that my starting point within all of this finding falut application is to protect/defend myself as a personality/MCS.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participation in emotional reaction as a picture of attacking visciously/furiously within my mind and the words spoken in the same way of visciousness/spitefulness so that i can remove which threatens my mind/personality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find every opportunity to find holes/faults within Desteni materials so that i can invalidate the threat that i perceived within them, which is the protection/defense mechanism out of survival.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create/manifest myself as survival of my mind where i have given permission for my mind to take over me completely.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to survive as a personality/MCS/self-definition even at the cost of harming others - which are reflected as the thoughts that i participated within my mind - the astounding viciousness /atrocity/abuse -- the pictures of extreme violence of harming others.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have enslaved myself through protecting my self-dishonesty out of judgment/reaction/defense/denial/fear, instead of being honest/frank/blunt about who i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become of/as mind in self-dishonesty and separation.

(I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to confuse myself with the words i speak because i have interpreted my words in several ways which i later on were not even sure by myself what i meant to say.)

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the evil/spitefulness/viciousness that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within self-dishonesty and hold onto an idea about myself - what i belive/think myself to be which is not real but merely make-belief.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to defend furiously for my self-definition of my mind out of fear of losing myself instead of realizing that which i fear losing is not real and that i am only defending for self-enslavement and self-limitation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to protect/defend for my own self-enslavement/self-limitation which realy does not make sense.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the energetic reaction where i fuel my mind with anger and viciousness within finding fault in others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that i am a victim because i believed that i was not finding fault in any way so i was wronged to be pointed out as finding fault within others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make this assumption that if i do not find fault within others then i am accepting their self-dishonesties so in order for me to not accept other people's self-dishonesties i must find fault.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my self-dishonesty onto others without looking at/dealing them as myself first to assist and support myself to take self-responsibility and then to expand my responsibility of assisting and supporting others as i have assisted and supported myself.

This finding fault pattern also appeared a couple of days ago when i was reading the comments of a Desteni video with the topic of stopping marijuana, i assumed a position of why this point is invalid, why those people who left comments defending marijuana is valid, why Desteni has no right to do so because some members also used marijuana (it is explained in what Desteni stands for - the drug was used within self-honesty). I have never smoked marijuana at all -- so supposedly there should be no reason for me to defend marijuana out of holding onto the right of drug addiction. Especially not long ago i had a discussion with my colleage about drug and i did not support/defend drug at all. The reaction were triggered basically on my perception that some Desteni members also used marijuana so Desteni has no validity in telling other people to stop. Also i have this perception that Desteni is having a say on everything - what people should do and what people should not do.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate within finding fault in the video while i did not actually mean/support the position that i assumed within doing that but from the starting point of reaction and attempt to invalidate the video and prove myself to be right.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to win within proving the video to be wrong through finding holes/faults within it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fuel my ego of self-righteousness through deliberately taking an opposite position towards the video and participate in the game of conflict of opinions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by other people's opinions, defining myself according to what other people say in the form of opinions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take other people's opinions as mine and protect/defend them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to knowledge about myself and reality, believing that what i know in the form of knowledge about reality is what reality actually is.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto knowledge which i have defined as the representation of security/stability.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to survive as a knowledge construct which i have defined myself to be.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form this interpretation that if I do not hold onto knowledge then i must regard everything that i have been as wrong and turn them into the opposite, without considering whether they actually supported who i really am.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take one point, exaggerate/make assumptions/form opinions about it, and then impose it onto the being/video's perspective.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i am only attacking my own interpretation/assumption/interpretation about the video/Desteni materials rather than actually invalidate the materials.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fight in my mind with my own made-up belief/projections/assumptions about others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have created a false enemy within my mind and believed it to be real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to invalidate another through making a false assumption about that and attack/invalidate that which is what i have imposed onto another by myself in the first place - i was only fighting with a make-belief that exist within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i have lost the argument within communication with another, instead of realizing that the perception that i have lost the argument is based on my desire/expectation to win.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my colleage because i perceive that I have been lost within the communication with him.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for other people to influence my expression through the idea that i have accepted about myself as being lost which is based on winning/losing game in the first place.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my colleage for what he has done/participated within the communication/conversation, instead of realizing that this reaction indicates a part of me that i have participated yet i have not recognised it as myself i.e. self-separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard my colleage to be stupid because i have perceived him to regard himself as being clever/smart within 'winning' in the argument/conversation, instead of realizing that this clever/smart is what i have projected onto him.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel clever/smart if i am able to win another in the conversation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in conversation from the starting point of wanting to win.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the idea i have formed about myself as being clever/smart.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to dislike my participation within conversation with that particular colleague because i did not win.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when i did not win in the conversation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to like people from the starting point that i am able to win in their presence, which only supports my ego/self-definition.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize the anger i directed to my colleage is actually the anger towards myself because i am actually doing what that person was doing but i did not want to see but projected it onto another.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel irritated and give permission for my reaction to direct me instead of being here as breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry/irritated with my colleage for finding fault in my words which does not make any fucking sense but only his only projected bullshit, instead of realizing that this is exactly what i have done within attempting to find fault in Desteni materials, where i was making things up and then attempt to invalidate/prove wrong that which only exist within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my own bullshit onto another and believe it to be what another is existing as instead of realizing that it all exists within my own mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with Desteni within the belief that Desteni materials have contradictions and that i have been mislead instead of realizing that i have actually misled myself through making assumptions/interpretations/perceptions/ideas/belief about the materials.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel uneasy/discomfort within working through this point with self-forgiveness and want to escape from here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by energy and become emotional.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let what come up within me to direct me instead of standing as the self-directive-principle and direct myself Here as breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by frustration through defining myself as frustration and acting upon it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to give permission for resistance to direct me and just want to find all sorts of excuses why i should not get over with it.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to use the excuse that i just do not want to do it to attempt to escape from facing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become a slave to resistance through participating in it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away through participating in resistance/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to conjure things up, form interpretations/opinions and then project it onto others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to prove myself right through logic withoug understanding that logic merely allow one to loop in the mind instead of actually consider the common sense of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have trapped myself in my own logic without seeing what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word logic, defining it to be bad instead of realizing that is neither good nor bad but what it is.