Finding fault and make-belief projection

Self-forgiveness on Finding fault and make-belief projection

(http://desteni.co.za/forum/viewtopic.php?f=80&t=14582&p=134900#p134900)

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the survival pattern as the personality which i have lived out, believed to be who i really am and feared losing.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attack people who actually assist and support me because me as a personality felt that i have been threatened/attacked and that i must protect/defend myself so that i as the personality of/as the mind can stay intact.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have enslaved myself through attacking people who assist me and through protecting myself as a personality - within this i have kept myself enslaved as a personality created through/as my participation within/as the mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard people who assist me - for example those who point out the personality of my mind that i am existing as, - to be a threat to myself because I have defined myself according to and as the personality of my mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to either attack people within my mind or regard their words as irrelevant, which are the methods that i used to protect/defend my personality based on survival.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself into/as the little mind bubble where i am just surviving as a personality and do not allow myself to see what i am actually existing as and also push people away who are assiting and supporting me to face myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard Desteni as a threat to me (actually a threat to my mind/personality/self-definition that are not real in the first place) and perceive/believe that i must find a way to get rid of this threat, which is where i went into the protection/defense mechanism of finding fault within Desteni, deeming Desteni material as full of contradictions and holes so that i have a reason/justification that i must break away from Desteni.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe that Desteni was controlling me and that i am going to be free if i break away from Desteni instead of realizing that this freedom that i have defined in this context is the 'freedom' from being threatened as a MCS so that i can continue to exist apparently 'freely' as a MCS/personality in self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify why i should find fault within others/Desteni materials without realizing that my starting point within all of this finding falut application is to protect/defend myself as a personality/MCS.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participation in emotional reaction as a picture of attacking visciously/furiously within my mind and the words spoken in the same way of visciousness/spitefulness so that i can remove which threatens my mind/personality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find every opportunity to find holes/faults within Desteni materials so that i can invalidate the threat that i perceived within them, which is the protection/defense mechanism out of survival.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create/manifest myself as survival of my mind where i have given permission for my mind to take over me completely.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to survive as a personality/MCS/self-definition even at the cost of harming others - which are reflected as the thoughts that i participated within my mind - the astounding viciousness /atrocity/abuse -- the pictures of extreme violence of harming others.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have enslaved myself through protecting my self-dishonesty out of judgment/reaction/defense/denial/fear, instead of being honest/frank/blunt about who i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become of/as mind in self-dishonesty and separation.

(I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to confuse myself with the words i speak because i have interpreted my words in several ways which i later on were not even sure by myself what i meant to say.)

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the evil/spitefulness/viciousness that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within self-dishonesty and hold onto an idea about myself - what i belive/think myself to be which is not real but merely make-belief.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to defend furiously for my self-definition of my mind out of fear of losing myself instead of realizing that which i fear losing is not real and that i am only defending for self-enslavement and self-limitation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to protect/defend for my own self-enslavement/self-limitation which realy does not make sense.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the energetic reaction where i fuel my mind with anger and viciousness within finding fault in others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that i am a victim because i believed that i was not finding fault in any way so i was wronged to be pointed out as finding fault within others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make this assumption that if i do not find fault within others then i am accepting their self-dishonesties so in order for me to not accept other people's self-dishonesties i must find fault.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my self-dishonesty onto others without looking at/dealing them as myself first to assist and support myself to take self-responsibility and then to expand my responsibility of assisting and supporting others as i have assisted and supported myself.

This finding fault pattern also appeared a couple of days ago when i was reading the comments of a Desteni video with the topic of stopping marijuana, i assumed a position of why this point is invalid, why those people who left comments defending marijuana is valid, why Desteni has no right to do so because some members also used marijuana (it is explained in what Desteni stands for - the drug was used within self-honesty). I have never smoked marijuana at all -- so supposedly there should be no reason for me to defend marijuana out of holding onto the right of drug addiction. Especially not long ago i had a discussion with my colleage about drug and i did not support/defend drug at all. The reaction were triggered basically on my perception that some Desteni members also used marijuana so Desteni has no validity in telling other people to stop. Also i have this perception that Desteni is having a say on everything - what people should do and what people should not do.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate within finding fault in the video while i did not actually mean/support the position that i assumed within doing that but from the starting point of reaction and attempt to invalidate the video and prove myself to be right.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to win within proving the video to be wrong through finding holes/faults within it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fuel my ego of self-righteousness through deliberately taking an opposite position towards the video and participate in the game of conflict of opinions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by other people's opinions, defining myself according to what other people say in the form of opinions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take other people's opinions as mine and protect/defend them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to knowledge about myself and reality, believing that what i know in the form of knowledge about reality is what reality actually is.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto knowledge which i have defined as the representation of security/stability.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to survive as a knowledge construct which i have defined myself to be.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form this interpretation that if I do not hold onto knowledge then i must regard everything that i have been as wrong and turn them into the opposite, without considering whether they actually supported who i really am.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take one point, exaggerate/make assumptions/form opinions about it, and then impose it onto the being/video's perspective.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i am only attacking my own interpretation/assumption/interpretation about the video/Desteni materials rather than actually invalidate the materials.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fight in my mind with my own made-up belief/projections/assumptions about others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have created a false enemy within my mind and believed it to be real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to invalidate another through making a false assumption about that and attack/invalidate that which is what i have imposed onto another by myself in the first place - i was only fighting with a make-belief that exist within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i have lost the argument within communication with another, instead of realizing that the perception that i have lost the argument is based on my desire/expectation to win.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my colleage because i perceive that I have been lost within the communication with him.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for other people to influence my expression through the idea that i have accepted about myself as being lost which is based on winning/losing game in the first place.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my colleage for what he has done/participated within the communication/conversation, instead of realizing that this reaction indicates a part of me that i have participated yet i have not recognised it as myself i.e. self-separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard my colleage to be stupid because i have perceived him to regard himself as being clever/smart within 'winning' in the argument/conversation, instead of realizing that this clever/smart is what i have projected onto him.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel clever/smart if i am able to win another in the conversation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in conversation from the starting point of wanting to win.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the idea i have formed about myself as being clever/smart.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to dislike my participation within conversation with that particular colleague because i did not win.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when i did not win in the conversation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to like people from the starting point that i am able to win in their presence, which only supports my ego/self-definition.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize the anger i directed to my colleage is actually the anger towards myself because i am actually doing what that person was doing but i did not want to see but projected it onto another.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel irritated and give permission for my reaction to direct me instead of being here as breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry/irritated with my colleage for finding fault in my words which does not make any fucking sense but only his only projected bullshit, instead of realizing that this is exactly what i have done within attempting to find fault in Desteni materials, where i was making things up and then attempt to invalidate/prove wrong that which only exist within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my own bullshit onto another and believe it to be what another is existing as instead of realizing that it all exists within my own mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with Desteni within the belief that Desteni materials have contradictions and that i have been mislead instead of realizing that i have actually misled myself through making assumptions/interpretations/perceptions/ideas/belief about the materials.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel uneasy/discomfort within working through this point with self-forgiveness and want to escape from here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by energy and become emotional.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let what come up within me to direct me instead of standing as the self-directive-principle and direct myself Here as breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by frustration through defining myself as frustration and acting upon it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to give permission for resistance to direct me and just want to find all sorts of excuses why i should not get over with it.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to use the excuse that i just do not want to do it to attempt to escape from facing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become a slave to resistance through participating in it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away through participating in resistance/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to conjure things up, form interpretations/opinions and then project it onto others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to prove myself right through logic withoug understanding that logic merely allow one to loop in the mind instead of actually consider the common sense of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have trapped myself in my own logic without seeing what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word logic, defining it to be bad instead of realizing that is neither good nor bad but what it is.