Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Self-forgiveness on excuses to not face myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into resistance within working on a point of facing myself - facing the self-dishonesty that i have accepted and allowed and within the resistance i wanted to drop off the point that i have already opened up from the starting point of not facing it/hiding/denying/resisting/protecting my self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use 'It is too much. It is too extensive. It is huge. It is messy.' as excuses/justifications to not face myself and take self-responsibility to correct myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create the situation where everything is just all over the place and where i become ineffective in my application so that i do not face myself effectively.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to find excuses/justifications in order to escape from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to turn to my mind to find out some excuses/justfications to escape from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire excuses/justifications to not face myself.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see that I actually designed/created myself into ineffectiveness so that i do not have to face myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use ineffectiveness as a justification for not facing myself as the self-dishonesty/self-deceptions that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately go into ineffectiveness in order to escape from myself.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have deliberately enslaved myself out of my accepted and allowed self-dishonesty of wanting to escape from the self-dishonesty that i created/designed as myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant/unwilling to face myself instead of seeing/realizing that such a behavior is acceptance and allowance of self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify that i have the right/choice to be reluctant to do something instead of realizing that i was allowing myself to enslave myself. I do not tolerate the bullshit justifications!!!
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately divert my attention away from the point i am working on because of the extent of self-dishonesty that i have seen within the point.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape from facing the extensive self-dishonesty that i have accepted and allowed instead of realizing that i can not escape from myself and that resisting/denying/justifying self-dishonesty is only prolonging my process.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to jump to other points so that i do not have to face this point that i am working on which i have seen self-dishonesty within it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately type some nonsense characters and then erase them, which is a method i have used to resist facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use time - the 12 o'clock as the 'going back to dorm' time as an escaping method and attempt to find ways to prolong my writing so that i can get to 12 o'clock and go back to the dorm.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately 'become' ineffective in my writing from the starting point of getting to 12 o'clock when i will escape from the situation of facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is a saving grace when i got an ache in my stomach and wanted to go to the bathroom because that will buy me more time towards 12o'clock when i will be able to get out of the situation from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become sleepy within facing msyelf which is another method i have created to escape from facing the point i am working on.
I forgive myself that i have accetped and allowed myself to give into sleepiness/lethargy as a means to escape from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into the state of daydreaming - with me closing my eyes and participate in my mind in the pictures coming up - in order to escape from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into the thoughts/pictures/images that come up into my mind and allow them to distract me from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to face myself and find all sorts of excuses/justfications/methods/means to escape from myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into and go into what my mind provided me with as the distraction methods so that i do not face myself.
I forgiv emyself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become habitually self-deceptive and have designed so many ways in order to not face myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to resistance to take me over and go into all sorts of justfications/excuses so that i do not have to face myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately make the point i am facing with more huge/vast/extensive than what it seems to be so that i can scare myself away and justify why i do not want to face myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make situations more than what it is so that i can use it as an excuse/justification to escape from facing myself.

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