Note: This is not a new article. It is an article I published on my Chinese blog on September 17, 2009. I am now moving it to this English blog as a part of the process of reorganizing my blogs.
Muscle twitching is an indication of system manifestation within the human physical body. I have experienced this for some time. My human physical body has been assisting and supporting me for a long time but most of the time I did not recoganize what my body was telling me. What is crucial is to identify specifically the systems within the human physical body from the manifested symptoms such as muscle twitching. And structural resonance alignment training course based on muscle testing which is communication with muscles by asking specific questions to identify manifested systems within the human physical body will assist a lot. At this moment i have not yet been able to communicate specifically with my muscles but i have been aware of the manifested symptoms such as muscle twitching and pains at specific points of my human physical body.
Today i have just had such an experience. I have been experiencing some struggle in deciding whether to ask or answer questions in class and my starting point of doing so. In the class of solid state physics today, the professor asked a question and after a while no one could give an answer. In order to break this perceived uncomfortable silence (merely a perceptoin through the mind) i gave it a shot. The answer turned out to be incorrect. I immediately felt that i made a stupid mistake. I judged myself to be like an idiot and moron and judged myself as being stupid. Later on I also felt that my answer was based on a naive shallow guess and showed no 'profound thinking'. I also feared other students in the class juding me as being stupid. I experienced anxiety and discomfort after i realized that the answer was not correct. I defined it as a humiliation and perceived that i had 'lost my face'. My face got hot due to blood flushing in and i dropped my head down imagining that other students are looking at me and judging me, fearing to face the professor and other students. I tried to pretend to be cool and divert my attention from what i am thinking of myself by picking up a pile of documents and put it somewhere else which had no meaning at all but to divert attention. The lecture moved on and i had almost no intent in hearing what the professor was presenting. After a while a student asked a very basic question regarding a definition which i perceived to be too trivial and i judged him to have asked a stupid question which in part is because i wanted to feel better by perceiving that others did the same stupid thing i did. All those are self-judgement and judgement of others as myself. I experienced sharp pain points in my body, besides the belly button specifically. Then i wanted to save my face by giving some profound answers that can prove my intelligence and smartness. (Right now as i was typing these words i experienced muscle twitching and pain again on my left arm. It seems that i have triggered some specific points within my human physical body.) So i searched eagerly for opportunities to answer some questions to save face. And i did. I was directed by the desire to prove myself to others and present myself to others. I was so eager to spit out what i know and get accepted and confirmed by others. I did not want to appear to be stupid. And i feared to be regarded as being stupid. Yeah, desire to prove to others that i am not stupid. And when i was trying to present my intellectuality and smartness i existed in anticipation and expectation. I was anxious, excited, anticipating to spit out my knowledge. This strong desire, anxiety and anticipation caused almost my whole body to tremble and twitch. After i answered some answers that i felt satisfactory, i experienced an apparent relief and superiority, believing that i have saved my face and established my intellectuality. So this whole scenario of asking and answering questions was done from the starting point of supporting my ego.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive the question to be too trivial to deserve an answer.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the question to be stupid.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are stupid questions and answers.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel puzzled and confused and fear to ask questions to clear it up.
I forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to fear that i may ask stupid questions.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the question i asked may be too trivial and may reflect my stupidity.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge questions and judge myself for asking questions.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i can only ask profound questions and give profound answers.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i should avoid asking questions that do not reflect my profoundness and intellectuality even the question may assist me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to use asking questions and giving answers as a means to present myself to support my own self-definition as being intellectual and smart.
i forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed to hold onto and live out my self-definition as being smart and intellectual and fear losing my self-definition.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive i have lost my self-definition of being smart, intellectual, superior by answering questions incorrectly and I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid, idiotic, ashamed, embarrasing, humiliated, having lost face that i did not answer the question correctly.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to be clear with the starting point of asking and answering questions.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the questions other students asked and perceive them to be stupid to ask such trivial questions.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge questions and answers.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i have made a stupid mistake by giving an incorrect answer.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from judgement.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and judge others as myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i was the only one who appeared to be stupid.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to desire to see that others made the same stupid mistakes i made and find all ways to manipulate myself to believe that others really made the same stupid mistakes i did while the starting point is i judged myself in the first place.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel good to see or believe that others made the same mistakes i made and perceive myself to not be the only one that is stupid.
I forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to fear to be the only one who appeared to be stupid which is self-judgement in the first place, and feel that my stupidity has been alleviated with the presence of other beings' stupidity.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that if others made the same mistakes i made, the mistakes become lesser.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to save face which is to save my self-definition as being intellectual and smart.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in comparison and competition in class with other students exist in the imaginary competition and perceive myself to be superior if i have answered a question perfectly.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place value and worth in answering questions correctly and gain praise and confirmation from teachers.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to gain favor from teacheres.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i can only accept myself when i have proved to others that i am intellectual and smart.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to accept myself unconditionally, instead i separated myself from self-acceptance by desiring acceptance and confirmation and favor from teachers.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to become a pet of the teachers.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define asking and answering questions as opportunities to perpetuate my MCS and self-definition.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i need to save my face by giving profound answers and perceive that i can save my face.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience anticipation and expectation and anxiety when i desired to spit out something that i perceive to be important.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as anticipation and expectation and the experienced anxiety.
I forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as anticipation, expectation and experienced anxiety.
I forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed myself to be anxious when i expect a certain result after i answer the question.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place value, worth, importance in answering questions correctly and profoundly.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the desire to prove to other beings a certain presentation of myself that ihave defined as who i am.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to present myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the picture presentation of myself.
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Desteni website: http://www.desteni.co.za/
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My Chinese Blog: http://blog.sina.com.cn/qiudaozhe
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