Self-forgiveness on excuses to not face myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into resistance within working on a point of facing myself - facing the self-dishonesty that i have accepted and allowed and within the resistance i wanted to drop off the point that i have already opened up from the starting point of not facing it/hiding/denying/resisting/protecting my self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use 'It is too much. It is too extensive. It is huge. It is messy.' as excuses/justifications to not face myself and take self-responsibility to correct myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create the situation where everything is just all over the place and where i become ineffective in my application so that i do not face myself effectively.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to find excuses/justifications in order to escape from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to turn to my mind to find out some excuses/justfications to escape from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire excuses/justifications to not face myself.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see that I actually designed/created myself into ineffectiveness so that i do not have to face myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use ineffectiveness as a justification for not facing myself as the self-dishonesty/self-deceptions that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately go into ineffectiveness in order to escape from myself.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have deliberately enslaved myself out of my accepted and allowed self-dishonesty of wanting to escape from the self-dishonesty that i created/designed as myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant/unwilling to face myself instead of seeing/realizing that such a behavior is acceptance and allowance of self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify that i have the right/choice to be reluctant to do something instead of realizing that i was allowing myself to enslave myself. I do not tolerate the bullshit justifications!!!
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately divert my attention away from the point i am working on because of the extent of self-dishonesty that i have seen within the point.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape from facing the extensive self-dishonesty that i have accepted and allowed instead of realizing that i can not escape from myself and that resisting/denying/justifying self-dishonesty is only prolonging my process.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to jump to other points so that i do not have to face this point that i am working on which i have seen self-dishonesty within it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately type some nonsense characters and then erase them, which is a method i have used to resist facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use time - the 12 o'clock as the 'going back to dorm' time as an escaping method and attempt to find ways to prolong my writing so that i can get to 12 o'clock and go back to the dorm.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately 'become' ineffective in my writing from the starting point of getting to 12 o'clock when i will escape from the situation of facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is a saving grace when i got an ache in my stomach and wanted to go to the bathroom because that will buy me more time towards 12o'clock when i will be able to get out of the situation from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become sleepy within facing msyelf which is another method i have created to escape from facing the point i am working on.
I forgive myself that i have accetped and allowed myself to give into sleepiness/lethargy as a means to escape from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into the state of daydreaming - with me closing my eyes and participate in my mind in the pictures coming up - in order to escape from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into the thoughts/pictures/images that come up into my mind and allow them to distract me from facing myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to face myself and find all sorts of excuses/justfications/methods/means to escape from myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into and go into what my mind provided me with as the distraction methods so that i do not face myself.
I forgiv emyself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become habitually self-deceptive and have designed so many ways in order to not face myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to resistance to take me over and go into all sorts of justfications/excuses so that i do not have to face myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately make the point i am facing with more huge/vast/extensive than what it seems to be so that i can scare myself away and justify why i do not want to face myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make situations more than what it is so that i can use it as an excuse/justification to escape from facing myself.

It's too much

Desteni video: Noooooo -- IT's TOO MUCH!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDIPS1ibhWU

Tonight as i was starting to consider taking on a point/pattern that i have become aware/seen within myself through watching one Desteni video which i have take some notes within the process of watching, I experienced resistance. The resistance comes from seeing the pattern as being too extensive. It is such a mess. It consists of so many points that i do not even know where to get started. So I looked at the note i have taken from the video several times. I was still not deciding where to get started. This pattern of feeling overwhelmed by what i am facing and dealing with and the resistance thereof has been a major problem that is preventing me from applying myself effectively.

The memory that I had that is related to this point is my past experience with self-forgiveness. The problem with the way i applied self-forgiveness is that as i go on with the self-forgiveness sentences like in writing or speaking, usually there will be other points come up that is related to the point i am applying self-forgiveness on. Then I deviate from the initial point and jump into the point that came up related to the intial one, and that continues as i continue with SF - even deviating from the second point that i jumped into. So within applying SF I was hopping all over the weblike structure interconnected/interlinked through words, 'opeining up' points yet with neither point went into specifity and cleared up. The end result is a huge mess of unfinished job in front of me. This ineffectiveness in applying self-forgiveness has bothered me for quite some time. I was like stuck in the huge web-like structure of words connected/linked to each other. It's huge and messy and seem never ending. I feel overwhelmed by the extensive amout of 'job' that now i have to finish. Even when i started to take on one of the 'unfinished job', i was thinking about the huge amount of points that i have not finished dealing with which i have already opened up. So i was not attentive in getting one point done but jumped into other points again out of worry and concern of all the points that is there. I am like a fireman that is attempting to put out fire that is burning all over the place. LOL. Where does the fire come from? I created it. I created the situation. I allowed my mind to distract me from the initial point that i was dealing with and went off track to 'open up' a huge load of other points -- setting fire all over the place. I am not saying that all those other points do not exist. It is just that when i am dealing with one point all other points that I 'open up' become distractions which do not allow me to focus on one point and get it done within specificity. I actually had the obligation to 'open up' points that i see in the middle of writing self-forgiveness because I had this idea that if i do not deal with it right now i am self-dishonest. But you see that is exactly how i get off the track and deviate from the initial point. The mind is very sly and is able to use whatever method to enslave me - even the idea i have created about what is self-dishonesty and what is self-honesty. Leaving out for now all other points that are NOT DIRECTLY related to the initial point that i have decided to take on and only focus on this one point is NOT self-dishonesty but only consideration of practicality and effectiveness. If the initial point has been dealt with effectively then I may consider taking on other points that came up/are related to the inital one.

This pattern is also seen in my experience in relation to my research project. I have the tendency to jump to other projects before i have completed even one project. Then i am 'opening up' several topics at the same time and attempt to deal with them simutaneously. But i am not effective due to the distraction and worry that there is so much work that i am going to have to deal with. But all the amount of work is created by myself. Actually my research advisor did not put on that much pressure on me instead i am doing it onto myself. It's a habitual pattern that i have created within which i am occupying, distracting and enslaving myself through attempting to deal with a lot of points at the same time. It is the same pattern playing out over and over again in different aspects of my life.

Maybe there are people who are mutlitaskful from the perspective of dealing with several points simultaneously, but i find it impractical for me at least in the moment to handle situations. Maybe it is because i have some misunderstanding in multitaskfulness and how it can be combined with one point at each time. But that is goint to deviate from the point i am dealing with right now.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed in facing the pattern that i have created and accepted and allowed myself to be and become due to the extensive nature of the mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is too much for me to handle what i am facing.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless in facing the extensive nature of the mind as that which i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist taking on the pattern that i have created due to the idea that it is too much for me to handle.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i do not know where to get started because i perceive that the pattern is just all over the place instead of taking on one point at a time and apply myself step by step.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not want to even get started within taking on what i am facing due to the resistance that i experienced which is based on the idea that it is too much to handle.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize the common sense that no matter how huge a task seem to be if i do not get started it is never going to be finished.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that no matter how huge a task seem to be it is still completed through doing it step by step.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my experience of feeling overwhelmed in front of the point that i am facing and working on. I noticed an interesting point: i used the word 'deal with' instead of 'work on' when i was writing this self-forgiveness sentence. Then i was in some sense attempting to make a deal with the point i am facing. Just an interesting realization. OK. No deviation.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of dealing many points at the same time and feel overwhelmed by the situation i created by myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deviate from the initial point that i have decided to work on in applying self-forgiveness and within this deviation i open up many other points which become a messy situation by which i feel overwhelmed.
I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to be distracted and led off track by other points that come up in the middle of working on one point.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to stick to the initial point that i have decided to work on and not allow myself to deviate from it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be led off track by mind into all sorts of other directions and get lost in it all instead of assisting and supporting myself to stick to one point and get it done in specificity and effectiveness.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel obligated to 'open up' and 'face' whatever points that come up in the middle of working on one point and perceive that if i do not do this i am self-dishonest instead of considering the practicality of taking on one point at a time and realizing that deviating from the initial point is not effective at all thus leaving out for the moment points that are not directly relevan to the initial one is not self-dishonesty but consideration of practicality and effectiveness.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize/see/understand that i have created the overwhelming situation for myself through not sticking to one point at a time.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i am not free if i stick to only one point instead of realizing that by attempting to be apparently free through deviating from one point and go into all sorts of other directions i am actually enslaving myself into a situation where i feel overwhelmed.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard sticking to one point at a time as enslavement and want to break away from it instead of seeing/understanding/realizing that i am actually pushing myself into the situation of enslavement.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the mind distraction through regarding it as self-honesty and freedom which are ideas that i have formed within mind -- they are not real self-honesty and freedom.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be worried/concerned with how much i have not done/completed.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty of all the other points that i have not taken on yet when i am working on one point already.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to sort myself all out in one moment instead of seeing that it is obvoiusly impossible.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the process requires patience, diligence and discipline -- patience with the realization that the process of sorting myself out takes time and it is not going to be just one moment and everything is done, diligence with the realization that i can not use 'the process takes time' as an excuse/justification to not face myself or sort myself out effectively, discipline as sticking to the principle of walking the process and assisting and supporting myself effectively. What patience, diligence and discipline practically mean i still yet to discover and explore for myself.

Practical living correction and application: How am i going to assist and support me practically with regards to this pattern that i have already created? Stick to one point each time and get it done effectively. Do not deviate from the initial point and jump into all sorts of other directions. Do not allow the worry or concern of how much i have not done to influence the point i am currently working on. What about all the points that i have already opened up? What about the several research topics that i have already got into? Prioritize them and still work on one point/project each time. This practical living correction part with regards to this point i still need to consider more and find out the most practical and effective way.

Finding fault and make-belief projection

Self-forgiveness on Finding fault and make-belief projection

(http://desteni.co.za/forum/viewtopic.php?f=80&t=14582&p=134900#p134900)

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the survival pattern as the personality which i have lived out, believed to be who i really am and feared losing.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attack people who actually assist and support me because me as a personality felt that i have been threatened/attacked and that i must protect/defend myself so that i as the personality of/as the mind can stay intact.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have enslaved myself through attacking people who assist me and through protecting myself as a personality - within this i have kept myself enslaved as a personality created through/as my participation within/as the mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard people who assist me - for example those who point out the personality of my mind that i am existing as, - to be a threat to myself because I have defined myself according to and as the personality of my mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to either attack people within my mind or regard their words as irrelevant, which are the methods that i used to protect/defend my personality based on survival.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself into/as the little mind bubble where i am just surviving as a personality and do not allow myself to see what i am actually existing as and also push people away who are assiting and supporting me to face myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard Desteni as a threat to me (actually a threat to my mind/personality/self-definition that are not real in the first place) and perceive/believe that i must find a way to get rid of this threat, which is where i went into the protection/defense mechanism of finding fault within Desteni, deeming Desteni material as full of contradictions and holes so that i have a reason/justification that i must break away from Desteni.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe that Desteni was controlling me and that i am going to be free if i break away from Desteni instead of realizing that this freedom that i have defined in this context is the 'freedom' from being threatened as a MCS so that i can continue to exist apparently 'freely' as a MCS/personality in self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify why i should find fault within others/Desteni materials without realizing that my starting point within all of this finding falut application is to protect/defend myself as a personality/MCS.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participation in emotional reaction as a picture of attacking visciously/furiously within my mind and the words spoken in the same way of visciousness/spitefulness so that i can remove which threatens my mind/personality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find every opportunity to find holes/faults within Desteni materials so that i can invalidate the threat that i perceived within them, which is the protection/defense mechanism out of survival.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create/manifest myself as survival of my mind where i have given permission for my mind to take over me completely.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to survive as a personality/MCS/self-definition even at the cost of harming others - which are reflected as the thoughts that i participated within my mind - the astounding viciousness /atrocity/abuse -- the pictures of extreme violence of harming others.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have enslaved myself through protecting my self-dishonesty out of judgment/reaction/defense/denial/fear, instead of being honest/frank/blunt about who i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become of/as mind in self-dishonesty and separation.

(I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to confuse myself with the words i speak because i have interpreted my words in several ways which i later on were not even sure by myself what i meant to say.)

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the evil/spitefulness/viciousness that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within self-dishonesty and hold onto an idea about myself - what i belive/think myself to be which is not real but merely make-belief.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to defend furiously for my self-definition of my mind out of fear of losing myself instead of realizing that which i fear losing is not real and that i am only defending for self-enslavement and self-limitation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to protect/defend for my own self-enslavement/self-limitation which realy does not make sense.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the energetic reaction where i fuel my mind with anger and viciousness within finding fault in others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that i am a victim because i believed that i was not finding fault in any way so i was wronged to be pointed out as finding fault within others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make this assumption that if i do not find fault within others then i am accepting their self-dishonesties so in order for me to not accept other people's self-dishonesties i must find fault.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my self-dishonesty onto others without looking at/dealing them as myself first to assist and support myself to take self-responsibility and then to expand my responsibility of assisting and supporting others as i have assisted and supported myself.

This finding fault pattern also appeared a couple of days ago when i was reading the comments of a Desteni video with the topic of stopping marijuana, i assumed a position of why this point is invalid, why those people who left comments defending marijuana is valid, why Desteni has no right to do so because some members also used marijuana (it is explained in what Desteni stands for - the drug was used within self-honesty). I have never smoked marijuana at all -- so supposedly there should be no reason for me to defend marijuana out of holding onto the right of drug addiction. Especially not long ago i had a discussion with my colleage about drug and i did not support/defend drug at all. The reaction were triggered basically on my perception that some Desteni members also used marijuana so Desteni has no validity in telling other people to stop. Also i have this perception that Desteni is having a say on everything - what people should do and what people should not do.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate within finding fault in the video while i did not actually mean/support the position that i assumed within doing that but from the starting point of reaction and attempt to invalidate the video and prove myself to be right.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to win within proving the video to be wrong through finding holes/faults within it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fuel my ego of self-righteousness through deliberately taking an opposite position towards the video and participate in the game of conflict of opinions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by other people's opinions, defining myself according to what other people say in the form of opinions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take other people's opinions as mine and protect/defend them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to knowledge about myself and reality, believing that what i know in the form of knowledge about reality is what reality actually is.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto knowledge which i have defined as the representation of security/stability.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to survive as a knowledge construct which i have defined myself to be.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form this interpretation that if I do not hold onto knowledge then i must regard everything that i have been as wrong and turn them into the opposite, without considering whether they actually supported who i really am.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take one point, exaggerate/make assumptions/form opinions about it, and then impose it onto the being/video's perspective.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i am only attacking my own interpretation/assumption/interpretation about the video/Desteni materials rather than actually invalidate the materials.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fight in my mind with my own made-up belief/projections/assumptions about others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have created a false enemy within my mind and believed it to be real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to invalidate another through making a false assumption about that and attack/invalidate that which is what i have imposed onto another by myself in the first place - i was only fighting with a make-belief that exist within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i have lost the argument within communication with another, instead of realizing that the perception that i have lost the argument is based on my desire/expectation to win.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my colleage because i perceive that I have been lost within the communication with him.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for other people to influence my expression through the idea that i have accepted about myself as being lost which is based on winning/losing game in the first place.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my colleage for what he has done/participated within the communication/conversation, instead of realizing that this reaction indicates a part of me that i have participated yet i have not recognised it as myself i.e. self-separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard my colleage to be stupid because i have perceived him to regard himself as being clever/smart within 'winning' in the argument/conversation, instead of realizing that this clever/smart is what i have projected onto him.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel clever/smart if i am able to win another in the conversation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in conversation from the starting point of wanting to win.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the idea i have formed about myself as being clever/smart.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to dislike my participation within conversation with that particular colleague because i did not win.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when i did not win in the conversation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to like people from the starting point that i am able to win in their presence, which only supports my ego/self-definition.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize the anger i directed to my colleage is actually the anger towards myself because i am actually doing what that person was doing but i did not want to see but projected it onto another.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel irritated and give permission for my reaction to direct me instead of being here as breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry/irritated with my colleage for finding fault in my words which does not make any fucking sense but only his only projected bullshit, instead of realizing that this is exactly what i have done within attempting to find fault in Desteni materials, where i was making things up and then attempt to invalidate/prove wrong that which only exist within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my own bullshit onto another and believe it to be what another is existing as instead of realizing that it all exists within my own mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with Desteni within the belief that Desteni materials have contradictions and that i have been mislead instead of realizing that i have actually misled myself through making assumptions/interpretations/perceptions/ideas/belief about the materials.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel uneasy/discomfort within working through this point with self-forgiveness and want to escape from here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by energy and become emotional.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let what come up within me to direct me instead of standing as the self-directive-principle and direct myself Here as breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by frustration through defining myself as frustration and acting upon it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to give permission for resistance to direct me and just want to find all sorts of excuses why i should not get over with it.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to use the excuse that i just do not want to do it to attempt to escape from facing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become a slave to resistance through participating in it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away through participating in resistance/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to conjure things up, form interpretations/opinions and then project it onto others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to prove myself right through logic withoug understanding that logic merely allow one to loop in the mind instead of actually consider the common sense of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have trapped myself in my own logic without seeing what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word logic, defining it to be bad instead of realizing that is neither good nor bad but what it is.

Self-forgiveness on fear of disturbing others

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WmD9IZU3k4

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i am troubling others when i require some assistance/support/help from another being with regards to a situation i am dealing with - specifically in my today's experience is to ask someone to open the door for me in the morning because i locked my key in the room.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if i wake people up from their sleep, they will get angry with me, instead of realizing that this is actually what i did myself when i was waken up from sleep unexpectedly.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the pattern of getting angry when i was woken up from sleep by others and have defined myself as this pattern.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to copy my father's pattern - he usually got angry if he was woken up by something - and i have taken this pattern and lived it as it is me, behavoring exactly like my father.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for my father's pattern to influence me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my father, believing that it is him who has influenced me, instead of realizing that it is through my own acceptance of such influences that i have accepted and allowed myself to be who i am as this self-defined pattern, instead of taking self-responsibility to stop living such a self-definition.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react within fear when my father was asleep, fearing that i may wake him up because then he will get angry and react to or even punish me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the past memories and give permission for them to direct me and determine who i am here.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed myself to form such a perception/belief that it is normal for me to act/behave like my father because i am his son. What fucking bullshit i have accepted and allowed!I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live this personality definition that i am my father's son and the implied social norm of what a son should be, instead of seeing what i am actually accepting and allowing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be proud of behaving like my father - honouring my father. Fuck that!I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when i was waken up from sleep in the college and react emotionally to people who i believe has caused such an experience of me, instead of realizing that the experience exists within me and i am responsible for my participation and feeding such a pattern.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as fear of reactions from others based on my past experiences with my father when my father reacted to me emotionally and i believed that i have done something wrong - that is how i have programmed myself to be as a protection/defense mechanism.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as this protection/defense mechanism of preventing myself from asking for help/assistance/support when necessary through fear of reactions from others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for the thoughts/concerns/fears to direct me in the situation where i require some assistance from others, instead of realizing that those are all based on my past experiences and how i have programmed myself to be as a resonance symbolic self of my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to have given permission for the resontant symbolic self to take over me and direct me to the extent that i have allowed myself to be directed automatically.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient with my mother when i was helping her with learning some computer skills.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i am superior because i know something that my mother does not know, and that i am able to teach her.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated/impatient when i was assisting and supporting my mother with some computer skills in the sharing process.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed myself to react to my mother emotionally as impatience/anger/blame when she calls me because i feel that i have been disturbed, instead of realizing that i am enslaving myself and enslaving my mother as myself through my acceptance of such a situation to develop in the played-out pattern of impatience/anger/irritation.

I stop allowing myself to be directed by the pattern/program of fear that i may disturb others and have others to react to me emotionally.

Time Managment of my Day

Time Managment of my Day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8B_HeG6jMS4

Tags: time management, effective, consistent, application, commitment, schedule, points, many points, contradiction, physical, movement, excercise, judgment, resistance, morality, good, bad, direction, orientation, stagnant, stiff, balance, equally, attention, ignore, important

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist time management - to organize my day to assist and support myself to become an effective participant because of the idea that i am not able to due to my perception of time management as something professional and that since i have never got trained with some professional knowledge about time management i assumed myself to not be able to do it effectively.

I have this memory in my mind: when i was extremely ineffective in my everyday participation sometime ago, i saw some time management conferences held on the campus yet i was not able to attend them due to time conflicts. And i perceived that without attending those conferences, i would not be able to get out of the extreme ineffectiveness that i experienced at that time. I placed myself into such a situation where i did not have access to assitance and support and feel helpless and powerless.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that assistance and support is out there far away from me that i am not able to access instead of realizing that i have separated myself from assistance and support as myself -- self-assistance and self-support is here as me.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to assist and support myself effectively which has manifested my experience of not having access to assistance and support in my world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since i did not attend those time-management conferences then i can not be effective with time-management instead of simply testing out how i am able to arrange and organize my day so that i can be effective.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive time-management to be something very difficult and sophisticated which i am not able to comprehend effectively.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel less than time-management out of self-distrust and fear. I stop placing myself less than a word. I stand equal to time-management to assist and support myself to be effective.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by so many points that i deal with everyday, being directed by my world which indicates that i am not standing equal to my world and direct myself as my world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my world and give my power away to all that i have accepted and allowed yet which i have abdicated responsibility for.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-responsibility towards myself as my world as all that i created through my acceptance and allowance instead of taking self-responsibility, standing equal and one with myself and my world as myself as all my creations to sort myself out with self-directive-power.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate the self-directive-principle within this abdicated my responsibility and my power -- power goes hand in hand with responsibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge physical excercises like running as bad due to my interpretation of Desteni perspective on sports.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form this idea that people who participate in physical activities/excercises are only supporting their mind consciousness systems and within this i prevented myself from participating in physical activities.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to interpret Desteni materials and form moral judgments of good/bad right/wrong which supports the polarity that feeds my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have manifested myself as stagnation and physical stiffness - yet at the same time not allowing myself to participate in physical activities to assist and support myself to break such patterns.

I stop such interpretations/perceptions/ideas/beliefs about physical activities but to take on this point of committing myself to run every morning to assist and support myself from the starting point of self-movement and consistent self-application.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form this idea that my participation in Desteni and my everday life is contradictory instead of actually physically live/apply what i learn from Desteni materials to test out for myself what is being shared.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate understanding/words with practical application.

I assist and support myself to live/apply/implement/test out what i learn from Desteni and from other beings - live words equal and one as who i am.

Name

Self-forgiveness on my name

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare my name with other being's names and feel that i am special because i perceive myself to have a better name, instead of assisting and supporting myself to live my name as 'No Fear' and 'the Way of LIFE' from the starting point of self-honesty rather than from the starting point of feelings, comparisons and competitions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of myself because i did not live my name, instead i have allowed myself to be controled/enslaved by fear and did not live as the Way of LIFE as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i don't deserve my name as 'No Fear' and 'the Way of LIFE' because i do not see myself as equal to my name, which indicates the extent of self-dishonesty i have accepted and allowed - separation from words as who i am.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my name, feeling less than my name and regarding my name to be more than me, instead of standing equal and one with and as my name in practical physical application of living words as 'No Fear' and 'the Way of LIFE' as who i really am.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have disregarded the support from my name because i have perceived that my name is a total fucked-up system design and that if i live my name i will be controlled and fucked by the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be controlled and fucked by my name and by the system, instead of realizing that i was not even standing equal to my name as 'No Fear' and 'the Way of LIFE'.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live in separation of my name - merely existing in knowledge/understanding without actual physical consistent self-application to live words as who i am.

My experience with my name is an exact reflection of what i am experiencing in my process - knowledge without consistent practical application - although i am starting to learn the practical application 'part' which is my weakness throughout my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself tofeel that my name is so wonderful/beautiful as the positive emotional charge within separation from words as my name, believing that since i have such a wonderful name then i am already living my name automatically instead of living words step by step/breath by breath to substantiate myself as words.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the Way of LIFE as some wonderful experience out there instead of realizing that it is self-delusion - the Way of LIFE as Self-Honesty is not some beautiful/wonderful/profound energetic experience as imagination and expectation in my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project the WAY of LIFE out there, clearly indicating that i was not living the Way of LIFE HERE as myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be special which is in direct contradiction with the Way of LIFE as Equality, which indicates how i am living in separation from my words.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind my name - meaning not living my name as self-assistance and self-support but living in contradiction with my name and believe that i am living my name.

Let me have a closer look at the system design of my Chinese name '吴畏' (meaning 'No Fear') with regards to what i can relate to my life. My last name '吴' (having the same pronunciation as '无' which means 'no/nothing') consists of two parts -- '口' (meaning 'mouth') and '天' (meaning 'sky'). I have heard my father interpreting this word literally as 'trying to swallow the sky in one mouth' - the more relavant explanation that i can relate to my process is 'aiming to solve everything in one moment'. Interestingly enough, now i remember that in the beginning when i got involved with Desteni, i formed this idea that i have realized myself as who i really am as LIFE and that i have transceded everything in one moment, and the idea that i do not have to deal with all my past that i have already created because apparently i have realized myself. Also it relates to my tendency of rush and jump to take the greatest scale of existence (the whole existence) before i actually take responsibility for what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become on the personal scale and my direct environment.

My first name '畏' (meanig 'fear') also consists of two parts -- '田'(meaning farmland) and the lower part which is not an independent character but i can relate it to the lower part of '衣' (meaning 'cloth') . This way of understanding these words may not agree with the origin of them but is what i can directly relate to. So for my first name '畏' i have three points that i can relate to this word - 'fear, farmland and cloth'. The point of 'fear' which is how i am currently experiencing myself to exist as where i hold myself back out of fear, not allowing myself to live and express fully who i am. As for 'farmland and cloth' i can relate it to the point of practical living - which is something that i rarely considered/lived through my life - i point that i am 'missing'. My life was mainly focused on my pursuit of 'the nature of the world and the meaning of Life' through science within my participation in the education system. I was almost completely taken care of before i went into college so i did not need to consider the point of practical living but only focus on study in the education system. Even in my undergraduate study at the college in China, i was still financially dependent on my parents and were taken care of to a large extent. So I did not develop effectively my skill of practical common sensical living and my communication skill - they are not a major part of my life. Two years ago i came to US to study with financial support from the university with the requirement of me working as a teaching assistnat or a research assistant (so i am financially independent from my parents), i faced these points of practically taking care of myself and communication with people, which i found myself to be very ineffective - i am still facing these points currently.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am able to transended everything in one moment and then it is done instead of realizing that it is a PROCESS to deprogram what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and birth myself as LIFE and that it is not going to happen overnight.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to handle everything at the same time and feel frustrated when i was not able to do it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this perception that i am self-dishonest if i am not handling everything at the same time because there are many points that i see require self-forgiveness yet i can not handle all of them at the same time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive self-forgiveness to be a burden because the more i apply self-forgiveness the more self-forgiveness i am going to do and within this creating resistance towards applying self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed with all that i am facing and dealing with and feel that i can not handle - existing in powerlessness, helplessness, suffocation and desperation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i am a slave within writing self-forgiveness because there seem to be no end of it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to expect an ending signal of what i am doing and that if there is no such a signal i will do it forever within which i really feel stressed and desperate.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to set up an impossible goal and force myself to achieve it and feel defeated if i did not achieve what i set up for.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i have completely fucked up because i did not achieve what i intended to do.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have destroyed my self-trust through such experiences of not being able to live what i planned to do.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define self-trust as being able to achieve whatever goal i set up for, instead of realizing that self-trust is here in every moment as who i am.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to retract myself within facing the 'impossible' mountain.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to rush ahead.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to slow down and apply/live slowing down.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i am such a fuck-up and loser because i did not complete what i intended to.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into self-defeat and feel that i have fucked up eternally.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the bullshits within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the voices in my mind and give permission for my mind to mislead me. Fuck the misleading thoughts.
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I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word fuck and fear to say the word fuck.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that if i say fuck something then i am spiteful.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have this picture of throwing a child onto the ground and trample it with violence - this picture as a habitual picture right now being triggered by the words fuck and spiteful.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear such a picture when it came up into my mind and I immediately suppressed it and wanted to escape from it.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the picture is reflection as what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as spitefulness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for child abuse to exist within me and exist within this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to close my eyes within facing the atrocities in this world so that i can continue to pretend that i am blind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have this voice going within my mind 'I have a right to do so. I have been traumatized by watching the atrocities in this world'.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become an abuser through giving permission for the continuation of my deliberate ignorance with what i have accepted and allowed as the atrocitiest that exist within me and this world as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to play out within my mind the pictures of atrocities i have given permission to be done onto children - which is done onto myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if i do not accept and allow emotional reactions within seeing the atrocities in this world then they are acceptable - instead of realizing that emotional reactions are not real and are actually fueling the very atrocities that exist in this world through my participation in my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to determine what is acceptable and what is not acceptable based on emotional reactions instead of realizing that the only valid measure of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable is based on the principle of what is best for all -- principled living instead of experienced living.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form this perception/idea/belief that 'having no reactions towards the atrocities in this world' is to watch the atrocities to continue and being OK with it without doing anything to stop the atrocities within me and within this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have defined compassion as a feeling and thus do not allow myself to have any compassion - within this i have destroyed myself and turned myself into a self-fish cruel fucking asshole.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not able to have compassion because i have destroyed myself as compassion completely.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i have already been dead as a dornail within me and that i do not have compassion or care and that i do not have the ability to have compassion or care.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have trapped myself into the interpretation/perception/idea/belief that desteni does not allow compassion or care because they are of feelings. I know i fucked myself up.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the words in desteni video 'it is OK to care for someone' because i feel that it is insulting to have someone else tell me that it is OK to care.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i have done what Desteni has told me to do - to not care, and then being told to care - i feel that i have been fooled.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have turned Desteni into a religion instead of trusting myself to do common sensical evaluation.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have trapped myself by my own assumption/interpretation/perception/idea/belief and thus i am responsible.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to scream within my mind 'I am not responsible!'. I stop whining. I stop blaming. I stop manipulating.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in self-sabotage, wanting to destroy myself because i perceive that i have already destroyed myself completely.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful towards other beings with the intention of them falling/fucking up which is actually spitefulness towards myself -- self-spitefulness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be completely honest with me for what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become - giving permission for fear to control me instead of me directing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be completely honest to myself to see the complete construct as what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have formed this habitual reactive thought pattern of spitefulness which reflects the spitefulness towards myself and the self-sabotage that i have experienced.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people judge me if i dare to speak out the thought that i participated within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to protect the thought within my mind through defining myself according to the thought which i judge and suppress and want to protect from being known by other people.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to expose the thought within my mind that i participated towards other beings - instead of realizing that i was protecting my secret mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have participated in the thought of wanting to see Kasper fall, when i perceive that i have already fucked up/destroyed myself and seeing him progressing and getting jealous.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of 'deserved' when i see beings existing in sufferings - and then immediately go into self-judgment and self-suppression for having such a thought within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to suppress thoughts instead of facing them and work with them to see what i have accepted and allowed myself to be - so that i can stop the continuation of such self-definitions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having such thoughts within me and believe that if i let other people know such thoughts existing within my mind i will be judged instead of realizing that it is self-judgment and that self-judgment is self-dishonesty because it contributes to suppression and locks me up into my self-definition as my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to reveal how fucked i am.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to preserve a presentation of me being that is apparently more than who i actually am.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i must first clean up the area and make sure that other people do not judge me so that i can be frank with revealing what i have accepted and allowed myself to be instead of being immediate with exposing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to the words of exposing myself immediately, my mind feeling threatened.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe fear to be real instead of realizing that fear what my mind uses to keep me enslaved - if i give into fear i am only giving permission for self-enslavement.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use self-sabotage as a means of revenge.

I know I fucked myself up. Now i pick myself up.----------I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear and define myself as fear which is in direct contradiction with my name 'No Fear' - instead of using my name as self-assistance and self-support to no longer live in fear.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold me back and exist in self-limitation out of fear instead of seeing the siliness of this.

How the fuck have i totally invalidated my name of 'No Fear' and have got lost in fear?

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of myself for not living my name as 'No Fear'. I stop the shame. And live my name in the living application.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that fear sucks and that it sucks even more when i give into fear.

Whenever i go into fear, i breathe, stop, remind me of my name 'No Fear', realize that fear is not real, and push through fear to see who i really am.------I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as not being to take care of myself practically with effectiveness.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to learn to take care of myself effectively but always trying to seek an easy way out instead of expanding myself within self-assistance and self-support.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto this self-definition that i can not be effective with taking care of myself within practical living

I forgive myself that i have accetped and allowed myself to blame my parents for not giving me opportunity to develop my practical living skill and communication skill.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my self-definition instead of breaking the limitation of self-definition and expand myself and recreate myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify within my mind saying 'I can not. it is a choice' this kind of bullshit.

I am able to assist and support me to break self-limitations. I stop justification of self-limitation.

SF on inner voice possession

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by the thought 'there is nothing you can do about it' and believe it to be real because it is said by Bernard in a video.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take Bernard's words as like reading a bible and that those words must apply to anything in this world without any context.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have defined Bernard as my God, separating myself from myself Here as Breath in the physical.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust Bernard but does not trust myself because i have defined myself to be so inferior and that Bernard is so superior and that i am not able to trust myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i may get lost in my mind as the words/voices running constantly and continuously.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have believed the voices in my mind to be real and believe them to be me and allow them to direct me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for such perceptions/ideas/beliefs about Bernard to direct me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is impossible for me to stand equal with Bernard and that i must accept myself as being the inferior and that i believed that is also what Bernard wanted.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the self-definition as inferiority and justify my own acceptance and allowance and project it onto Bernard, and believe it to be real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as the energetic-systematic entity that i have created within my mind about Bernard and have allowed myself to be directed by it because i have believed it to be real and have allowed it to possess me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for the existence of an entity existing within my mind which i have created through participating in it and believing it real.

I forgive myself that i have believed the entity to be my God -- the mind consciousness system becoming my God, existing in fear of the God entity within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Bernard requires me to feel inferior to him and i accpeted such as real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have lived out my self-definition as infeiority and believed it to be real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i do not deserve to be equal to other beings in this world because i am aparently so inferior and unworthy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear of God which i have projected onto Bernard and the entity thus created in my mind as the representation of my fear as the God, which is actually the fear of myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that although Bernard says that all are equal as one yet 'somehow' i am still not allowed to be equal to him as myself, which is but a perception/idea/belief/construct that i have believed to be real and have lived accordingly.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to turn Bernard's words into a religion where i believe that it must hold anywhere to anything in this world for example 'there is nothing you can do about it' must hold absolutely true and thus live it as if it is real.

I forgive myself that i have accetped and allowed myself to give permission for religion to influence me and have believed myself to become religious.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have turned Desteni into a religion based on my own acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have formed a perception/idea/belief about Desteni and Bernard, and believe it to be real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as this that which i have believed to be real as the perceptions/ideas/beliefs that i have formed about Desteni and Bernard - turning them into a religion and me being the follower.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with Desteni and Bernard and blame Desteni and Bernard, existing in spitefulness and resentment - instead of taking self-responsibility for what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the belief constructs that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and hold onto this self-definition, existing in self-interest and not considering what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have abdicated the principle of what is best for all -- which is abdicating myself as who i really am.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use Bernard's words to support my own self-definition and self-limitation, to believe that 'there is nothing you can do about it'.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have lived the mind-interpretation based on assumptions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs into the physical level, where it has become physically manifested.

I forgive myself that i have accetepd and allowed myself to exist as self-defeat and justify the self-defeat through believing that 'there is nothing you can do about it'.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to defined myself as the little voice in my head, and have believed them to be real as me, allowing myself to be trapped and directed, enslaved and controled.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that there is nothing i can do to stop the voices in my mind -- instead of realizing that i am giving permission for mind possession to go further and deeper.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have given permission for the mind possession to take me over completely and believe that 'there is nothing you can do about it'.

Istop! I do not accept myself to be directed by thoughts/voices in my head! I do not trust thougths in my head! I do not allow myself to give my power away to the thoughts/voices in my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have given permission for the mind possession to develop into the second phase right now with regards to this thought where the thougt appears as the voice 'there is nothing you can do about it' to constantly and continuously to run in my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust vocies in my mind instead of realizing that they are not real but i have made myself to believe that they are real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-trust - trusting my mind instead of trusting myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow the mind chattering within my mind, believing them to be me instead of realizing that they are not real and that if i believe them to be real i will be trapped and lost in my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for 'there is nothing you can do about it' to infiltrate all over the place - to insert it into anywhere where i perceive it to be able to fit in.

I forgive mself that i havea ccepted and allowed myself to feel sleepy and lethargic and want to divert my attention from the point that i am working with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in pictures/images/movies witin the cinema of my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to close my eyes and participate in fantasies so that i do not have to work with the point that i am working with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have believed that there is nothing i can do about it because Bernard has ever said it then I believed that it automatically becomes true.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to go into my mind dimension to hide and divert myself from working through this point to deconstruct the mind definition that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and define as and believed to be real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for my mind to direct me instead of me directing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to veer into my mind again. I stop. I direct.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate the self-directive principle as myself Here through believing that there is nothing i can do about it - thus allowing self-abuse, self-defeat and self-sabotage.


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I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for the word 'irrelevant' to direct me - labling things as relevant or irrelevant without actually understanding what i am acutally saying but it has become merely a reative behavior.

I forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed myself to give permission for such constant and continuous thought/voice manifestation to continue to exist within me instead of realizing that i am allowing my mind to possess me through my participation and permission.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have believed myself to be the voices in my mind, giving my power away to them instead of realizing that i am giving permission for enslavement and control of my mind through my own acceptance.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have believed that i can not stop the voices in my mind and have believed this to be real and have lived it out as myself as thus having become this definition which i have believed to be who i am - but it is not in fact.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have been lost in my mind in the voices in my mind and have given permission for my mind to take me over completely to manfiest consequences in my reality.

I forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed myself to not be able to distinguish between me and my mind as the thoughts/voices/emotions/feelings as the programs that run within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have identified myself as my mind as thoughts/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to interprete 'standing equal and one with my mind' as 'believing myself to be my mind'.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have lived my self-definition as assumptions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form assumptions about something before i actually do my homework and research and investigate what it really is.

SF on the God entity i created in my mind

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form assumptions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs about Desteni and have allowed myself to be directed by them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form assumptions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs about Bernard and have allowed myself to be directed by them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create an entity within my mind about Bernard based on assumptions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, constructs, images, pictures, imaginations, fantacies, and have given my power away to an entity in my mind through talking to it and reacting to it through my participation, which i have believed to be real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the mind chatterings with the entities that i have created within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger to the entity which i have believed to be Bernard.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to face this point and say in my mind i do not want to know why i got angry and want to divert my attention from this point instead of assisting and supporting myself to see this point which i have given permission to direct me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get extremely angry to the entity in my mind which i have believed to be Bernard in that moment, and wanted to spite it and revenge it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participte in my mind the picture of spiting the children with the intention to blackmail the entity in my mind that i have created, instead of realizing that i am only spiting myself and that i have become the spitefulness that i have accepted.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have created a God entity in my mind which i placed a name of Bernard and believed it to be Bernard and talked to it, believing that i am talking to Bernard.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in reaction as anger towards the entity in my mind, and wanted to spite it - feeding in this way my accepted self-definition as energy addiction as the emotional reaction as anger.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get addicted to the emotional reaction as anger and want to find ways to justify it through attaching more and more reactions to it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define anger as being powerful, believeing that i have become powerful within getting angry instead of realizing that i have given my power away to a program and thus having abused myself through such acceptance.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belive that i am strong within the experience of anger.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become aggresive within anger and have placed value and worth in agression which i have attached an idea of power.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel myself to be weak and desire to be strong - within this desire i have placed the definition of 'strong' onto my experience of anger where i become aggressive.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to spite the children to spite the entity in my mind and a form of 'questioning' God yet not understanding that it is all a form of mind delusion -- the reaction towards the entity is not valid in the first place, let alone the spitefulness towards the children -- all a mind drama yet the acceptance revealed my accepted nature.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in this mind delusion of anger, agression, spitefulness, and abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to divert my attention from here and face this point instead of realizing that it is from my mind wanting to hide and protect its own definition.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for my mind to divert my attention from this point that i am dealing with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel sleepy and lethargic and give permission for such experiences to direct me. I stop. I direct myself. I am not allowing lethargy and sleepiness to direct me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself through creating entities that are apperently alive - but only alive in my mind which i have given permission to enslave me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for energy addiction to direct me. Stop. I do not accept it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place my reaction towards Desteni over Life as what is best for all - existing in self-interest and justifying my self-definition.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to believe that i have the right to get angry - finding excuses why i participate in the energy addiction as the emotional reactions as anger that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to spite the children which is spitefulness towards myself - allowing myself to be possessed by anger and giving permission for abuses and atrocities to exist within me which also contributes to the abuses and atrocities in this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as abuses and atrocities to perpetuate my self-definition which is protection of my self-interest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice other people to feed my self-interest - in this case sacrificing the children to apparently blackmail the God entity in my mind -- this is my accepted nature.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the drama in my mind and belived them to be real. How delusional can i be?

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify that i have a right to be spiteful because i was angry and that i can not control it -- instead of realizing that it is invalid to blame my anger for what i have done in the name of it - I am responsible for what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, I became anger as me the moment i give permission for it to possess me and direct me and thus i am responsible for the spitefulness that i have accepted and allowed within anger possession.

I forgive myself that i have acccepted and allowed myself to define myself as anger, participating in it, allowing it to possess me and direct me, instead of standing as the self-directive priniciple here directing myself within self-honesty.

Self-forgiveness on emotional reaction towards missing an appointment again

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad that i missed the appointment with Leila again.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being stupid and feel guilty that i have missed the appointment instead of realizing that self-judgement and the emotion of guilt is not going to make a difference but trap myself further into this loop where i have to face myself again to stop the self-judgement and the emotional reaction.


I stop self-judgement. I stop the emotional reaction. I am here as breath.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to receive Leila's emails about me missing the appointment because i fear that i may be blamed.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to look at Leila's emails because i have attached an negative emotional energetic charge to the email which represents blame for me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally towards people who has ever blamed me for something that i have done 'wrong'.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of right/wrong and good/bad, giving permission for polarity to direct me and enslave me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to develop a pattern of protective/defensive reaction towards people who i perceive to be going to blame me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the person who i perceive to be going to blame me as the cause for why i feel bad about myself and react to that person emotionally, instead of realizing that the emotional reaction exists within me as the power source of me as a MCS as i participate within it, thus i am responsible for allowing myself to go into reactions.


I forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed myself to participate in my mind in the picture of attacking the person who i believed is going to blame me and cause me to feel bad and at the same time imprint the emotional energy onto that picture through my participation in reaction, forming a particular thought/emotion construct within in my mind which i have defined as and belived to be who i am.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have formed this habitual pattern of reacting to the person who i believe to have caused me to feel bad about myself through participation in reaction when i encounter the same situation.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have defined/identified myself as this thought/emotion construct as pictures together with emotional energetic imprint, thus participating in it everytime in the same situation, instead of realizing that it is a system construct and that it is not who i really am -- if i allow myself to participate in such constructs i am allowing self-abuse.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape the negative feeling through defense/protection mechanism as emotional reactions towards that which i believed to be the source of my negative feeling out there separate from me, instead of realizing that defense/protection mechanism is not solving the problem at all, but just another MCS pattern/construct which further enslaves me into the mind trap when i participate in it and define myself as it.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself through participation in my mind in such a particular thought/emotion construct to charge my MCS to continue to enslave myself into a systematic construct further.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to check my email account because i fear to experience that 'bad' feeling within me instead of realizing that the feelings and emotions as energetic charges experinced within me is a MCS design - it is not who i really am.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for apparent 'negative'energetic feeling within me to direct and move me, going into resistance towards that which i perceive as 'negative', instead of realizing that i am allowing myself to be enslaved by my mind through my acceptance of being directed by energetic charge.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have identifed myself with the emotional/feeling energetic movements within me, allowing myself to be directed by such energetic movements, instead of realizing that they are not real, and simply stop, breathe and direct myself.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into the experience of being directed by energetic charges within me, instead of realizing that i am allowing myself to abdicate self-directive principle and allowing myself to give my power away to the MCS which i have accepted and allowed myself to become and define myself as.


I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to direct myself - to stand as the self directive principle, not allowing thoughts/emotions/feelings/energetic movements to direct and move me.



I direct myself. I move myself.

Knowledge, Comparison and competition, rushing ahead

knowledge without application is contradiction
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPQ1_U2BD1k

Knowledge as words not lived:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as knowledge as words that are not lived but merely exist in my mind as something that i know but which i do not live or which i believe i have lived.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words i speak which i did not live and have turned words into knowledge in my mind existing in conflict as separation.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the reason that knowledge existed in my mind as contradictions are because i have separated myself from my words and that what i live is in contradiction with the words i speak.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that so many contradictions that i see within desteni materials is actually a reflection of what i am actually living as myself - as knowledge in my mind as words that i did not live, existing in conflict.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see that the problem of contradictions and inconsistencies that i perceived a lot from Desteni materials is actually existing within me - the origin is within me, the source is within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry because i perceived that i had been wronged being regarded as 'finding fault', participating in emotional reactions as anger to feed my self-definition as a MCS through energetic charge.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate within my mind in the picture/image of abusing/attacking the person who i have believed that has wronged me and imprint the energetic charge as anger into this picture, forming a construct within my mind which i define as who i am and get addicted to, to feed it more and more through justification that i have the rigth to get angry.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame Desteni for my experience, believing that i am not responsible for my experience instead of realizing that i am responsible for what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become which manifested as my experience in my world and this world in its entirety. I am responsible.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i have been misled by Desteni instead of realizing that i have accepted and allowed myself to be misled by my own self-deception as knowledge as words not lived which i have placed value in and which i have defined as who i am -- believing that i am living while not actually living.

Yet still, it is not to follow Desteni materials blindly and turn Desteni into a religion and form belief constructs, but to apply and test out by self.

Practicality: When speaking words or sharing perspectives, consider specifically what it practically entails to live the words, then live those words accordingly as self in every way to become the embodiment of the words - the living word as the living flesh.


Comparison and competition, superiority/inferiority, hierarchy structure:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the polarity construct of superiority/inferiority and the hierachy structure through comparison and competition.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in comparison and competition, wanting to be superior compared to those who i perceive to be inferior.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to win within the polarity of winning/losing and superiority/inferiority through comparison and competition, instead of realizing that within polarity no one is winning, everyone is losing, thus it is stop polarity and live equality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior compared to those who i perceived to be superior, and define myself as inferiority instead of realizing that such definition is not real and it is acceptance of self-abuse. Stop.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape from inferiority through pursuing superiority and believe that i am able to become superior through a 'process' of acquiring that which i believe to be able to use to define myself as superior, instead of realizing that becoming superior through self-definition is self-deception - it is only an idea existing in my mind that i have believed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that pursuing superiority implies the acceptance of self-definition as inferiority, thus the accepted nature as inferiority will manifest as the polarity flips from superiority into inferiority - superiority is but an illusion and inferiority as the accepted truth always 'wins'.

I forgive myself that i have placed myself in a hierarchy structure within the polarity construct of superiority/inferiority through comparison and competition, having believed the hierarchy structure and polarity construct to be real, allowing myself to be directed by these belief constructs within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be trapped within an illusionary reality as the hierarchy structure and polarity construct within my mind, instead of realizing that they are not real but i have made them to be real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live such a belief system through family and cultural programming.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my family and the culture for programming me with the belief system instead of realizing that i have accepted and allowed such programming and that i have the ability to stop/diffuse/release such programmings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define my farther as being superior and define myself as being inferior, still holding onto this child image/memory of myself being inferior to my father.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to accept myself to be equl to those who i perceived to be supeior previously.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize and live the realization that both superiority and inferiority are self-abuse and thus it is to stop living in self-abuse as inequality as polarity construct and start actual living as equality as Life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i do not deserve to be equal to those who i have perceived to be superior to me, and that in order for me to be equal i must prove myself through becoming that which i perceived to be superior - not allowing myself to accept myself as equals and live in equality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to not dare to accept myself as equal to my parents, believing that such a thing is too 'unatural' and 'unusual', and that i'd better accept my place as inferiority.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for what i have believed to be 'natual' and 'usual' to direct me instead of realizing that i am allowing myself to be directed cultural programming as knowledge and information construct which does not stand as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into resistances out of the perception of being equal to be 'unnatural' and 'unusual', instead of realizing that i am giving permission to self-abuse - allowing myself to be abused by MCS dictating my behavior.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to call my parents by their names, believing and fearing that i will offend them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear reactions from my parents instead of realizing that fear is not real - it is acceptance of self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order for me to be equal to my parents and call them by their names i must present myself in a condescendating manner which is but an idea of equality - actually it is superiority hiding the accepted self-definition as inferiority.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to call my parents by their names consistently and push through the resistances and 'unnatural'/'unusual' feelings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not apply what i have realized consistently to live it into reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to live myself consistently.

I forgive myself that i h ave accepted and allowed myself to give into old habits out of fear of challenge.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to avoid pushing through resistances, the 'unnatural'/'unusual' feelings and the old habitual patterns.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that not living that which i see/realize to be lived is self-dishonesty and allowing self-deception.

I forgive myself that i have not lived words consistently as myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as knowledge as words not lived instead of living words as who i am to embody the words i speak and write to become the living words as the living flesh.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to push through the fear that i experience.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to give into fear and avoid situations where i would experience fear, instead of facing the fear head on and push through it consistently until it becomes the living manifestation as who i am.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that avoiding fear is not assisting and supporting myself but only prolonging my own process.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be moved and directed by fear going into resiatances and old habitual patterns, instead of enforcing change within self-movement and self-direction.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i have been suffocated by limitation instead of realizing that i am allowing myself to be suffocated by limitation through being directed by fear - abdication of the self-directive-principle and self-responsibility.

Practicality on comparison/competition, superiority/inferiority: SF on specific points of superiority/inferiority construct to release the memory, knowledge and belief construct that exist within my mind which is directing me. When finding myself going into comparison/competition and superiority/inferiority construct, immediately stop and breathe to bring myself back here to focus on what is here. At some 'suitable' time or in the evening, apply SF on those moments. Remind myself that the desire to win over another through comparison and competition will lead to failure. Remind myself that comparison/competition and polarity construct is not who i really am and it is acceptance of self-abuse. Investigate what supports such polarity construct, and see what is necessary to be done to make a difference and live the practical solution consistently until it manifests in fact.

Practicality on fear: Specific SF on fear and resistance to see and release the hold of such self-definitions. When fear arises, stop and breathe and realize that this reaction is not who i really am and that if i allow myself to be directed by fear i am allowing self-abuse. Push through the unrational fear (which contradicts common sense) to do deliberately that which i fear or believe that i fear. Push through fear consistently, not just pushing one time or in one situation but to apply consistently until the fear pattern stops. Do not judge, critisize, accuse and punish myself if I did not 'make it'.


Rushing ahead:

I forgive myself that i have accetped and allowed myself to want to rush ahead and write a lot of self-forgiveness, defining writing a lot of self-forgiveness in a short time as a perception of superior or better than.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to become superior or better than through rushing ahead, comparing and competing with other people's process.

I stop allowing myself to participate in comparison and competition, and the desire to rush ahead in order to be apparently more than those who are apparently behind.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that within rushing ahead, i am not stable within each step that i do, and that i am creating a lot of 'mistakes' that loop myself over and over and voer again.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that within rushing ahead, i was not effective within what i do -- when i tried to do more i actually get less done.

I forgive myself that i h ave not allowed myself to slow down within what i do and first establish consistency within me to walk step by step breath by breath.

I actually have noticed my typing reflecting my process - when i type words, i tend to type it very fast and expect myself to do that, but when i rush within typing, the words i typed out have a lot of misspellings and that those misspellings repeat over and over again - yet i was so busy with rushing ahead, i repeated those mistakes over and over again not even considering to slow down and correct myself.

I forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed myself to define myself as rushing ahead, wanting to win to be better than superior, fearing to be left behind being the inferior and less than.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in comparison and competition, existing in the polarity of superiority/inferiority placed within the position i am within my process, defining being ahead as being more than and being behind as being less than.

I forgive myself that ihave not allowed myself to realize taht i did not give myself opportunity to correct myself with regards to what i have accepted, allowed, created and manifested when i am in a rush.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to move ahead with the idea of rushing ahead while not realizing that when i a rushing i am not seeing and i am not actually moving fast.

I forgive myself that ih ave accepted and allowed myself to want to move superfast which manifested as the opposite as stagnation beyond imagination because i was actually crawling forward within falling due to the rush.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to establish myself first then move forward steadily.

I forgive myself that i hhave accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for falling and not moving fast - and desire to move fast yet the more i desire to move fast the less i am actually moving but falling into cycles that i have created along the way.

Stop. Slow down. Breathe. Establish self here. Move steadily. Self-correction step by step.

Practicality: Stay here, deal with one point each time, get it done then move on to the next point - stop wanting to do too much, opening up too many points at the same time and not being effective in each point. If there are several points to deal with, list an order, and do them sequentially so that each time there is only one point to be dealt with. Being present within dealing with one point, not allowing myself to rush into my mind thinking about another point already while dealing with one point. When finding myself in a rush, stop, slow down, breathe, establish self here, then move on step by step.