Self-forgiveness on fear of disturbing others

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WmD9IZU3k4

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i am troubling others when i require some assistance/support/help from another being with regards to a situation i am dealing with - specifically in my today's experience is to ask someone to open the door for me in the morning because i locked my key in the room.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if i wake people up from their sleep, they will get angry with me, instead of realizing that this is actually what i did myself when i was waken up from sleep unexpectedly.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the pattern of getting angry when i was woken up from sleep by others and have defined myself as this pattern.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to copy my father's pattern - he usually got angry if he was woken up by something - and i have taken this pattern and lived it as it is me, behavoring exactly like my father.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for my father's pattern to influence me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my father, believing that it is him who has influenced me, instead of realizing that it is through my own acceptance of such influences that i have accepted and allowed myself to be who i am as this self-defined pattern, instead of taking self-responsibility to stop living such a self-definition.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react within fear when my father was asleep, fearing that i may wake him up because then he will get angry and react to or even punish me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the past memories and give permission for them to direct me and determine who i am here.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed myself to form such a perception/belief that it is normal for me to act/behave like my father because i am his son. What fucking bullshit i have accepted and allowed!I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live this personality definition that i am my father's son and the implied social norm of what a son should be, instead of seeing what i am actually accepting and allowing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be proud of behaving like my father - honouring my father. Fuck that!I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when i was waken up from sleep in the college and react emotionally to people who i believe has caused such an experience of me, instead of realizing that the experience exists within me and i am responsible for my participation and feeding such a pattern.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as fear of reactions from others based on my past experiences with my father when my father reacted to me emotionally and i believed that i have done something wrong - that is how i have programmed myself to be as a protection/defense mechanism.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as this protection/defense mechanism of preventing myself from asking for help/assistance/support when necessary through fear of reactions from others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for the thoughts/concerns/fears to direct me in the situation where i require some assistance from others, instead of realizing that those are all based on my past experiences and how i have programmed myself to be as a resonance symbolic self of my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to have given permission for the resontant symbolic self to take over me and direct me to the extent that i have allowed myself to be directed automatically.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient with my mother when i was helping her with learning some computer skills.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i am superior because i know something that my mother does not know, and that i am able to teach her.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated/impatient when i was assisting and supporting my mother with some computer skills in the sharing process.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed myself to react to my mother emotionally as impatience/anger/blame when she calls me because i feel that i have been disturbed, instead of realizing that i am enslaving myself and enslaving my mother as myself through my acceptance of such a situation to develop in the played-out pattern of impatience/anger/irritation.

I stop allowing myself to be directed by the pattern/program of fear that i may disturb others and have others to react to me emotionally.