SF on the "train" point

smothering

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself being smothered by my thoughts, memories, emotions, feelings, school work, SRA course and everything that is going on in my everyday life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by the amout of work that i am required to do because i believe that my work is too much for me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form a perception that my work is too much for me to handle.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist information because i have judged dealing with information as self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not able to handle my work and information effectively, instead of realizing that the reason for my ineffectiveness is that i am resisting in processing information and this resistance has created a blockage in the flowing of information.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to block information deliberately because i have believed that anything that is related to information is dishonesty, and within this blockage i have created/manifested a blockage in my self-expression.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to flow as informatioin -- to be here and integrate the information and then move on to the next moment -- always being Here.

I forgive myself that i have acceped and allowed myself to have manifested myself as an idiot -- knowing nothing and not being able to recall anything, instead of realizing that this pattern is actually me resisting from accessing information and believing that i am not able to recall anything.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe whatever i have learned has just gone and that i am not able to recall anything.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard recalling/remembering something as self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define self-honesty as remembering nothing and not being to recall anything, just like an idiot.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed myself to judge/abuse myself because of my effectiveness in the education system and define self-honesty as being ineffective.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form a perception/idea/belief that since i was good/effective in the education system then i must be self-dishonest and that in order for me to become self-honest i must become ineffective in the education system and act like an idiot.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my effectiveness in the education system and manifest myself deliberately as an idiot in the education system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into deliberate self-retardation which i believed to be self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself into the idea that self-honesty is to become self-retarded and stupid.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to mainfest myself as self-limitation, believing whatever i am working with i can not handle.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience uncertainty when i came back from the hospital instead of me directing myself Here in every moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape from the system and on the other hand i have to stay in the system, which caused many inner conflicts within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to inner conflicts.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as self-limitation, believing that i am not capable of doint this and that etc, instead of realizing that this is all ideas that i have formed within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self definition as incapability and that i must seek somebody else to do the work for me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i can not understand a fucking thing and got angry, irritated, uncertain, anxious within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be dictated by my mind telling me that i am not capable of handing what is here in front of me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not even able to handle the simplest thing -- self-doubt to an extreme extent.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be uncertain about myself and distrust/doubt myself, believing that i am less than what i am capable of.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-trust and turn myself into the manifestation of self-limitation, believing that i am not able to handle.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be uncertain in grading homework because i perceive that i am not able to handle it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself to such an extent that i believe that i am not even able to handle the most simplest thing that is well beyond what i am capable of.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to just want to dwell on what i have already known so that i will not feel this uncertainty in dealing with something new.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as fear of the unkonwn and uncertainty/self-distrust/self-doubt of new adventures.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that the system is so powerful and i am so powerless that i am a slave to the system, instead of realizing that i have given my power away to the system, not allowing myself to stand equal and one as the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be instable within my placement/position in the system -- wanting to find some assistance/help while at the same time feeling that i do not know where to turn to help.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel helpless within the system and wants to escape from the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i do not know how to handle a situation and where to turn to help.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that nobody will be able to help me in such a situation and i do not know how to handle it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as inner struggles within dealing with the new situation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form an perception/idea/belief that there is no other way but accepting the limitation, instead of assisting and supporting myself to transcend the limitation that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to prevent myself from sharing my problems/difficulties in the new situation, and just bottle everything up and experience the limitation and suffering within myself, slowly destroy myself and my world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel instable within a new situation, and fear the new situation and then go back to the limitations that i have accepted and allowed myself to define as who i am where i feel secure because everything is the old stuff that i am familiar with which gives me an illusion of stability.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to confuse stability with stagnation -- everything remaining as the old stuff that i have already known.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel stable/secure within that which i have always known as the old, and not allowing myself to move and expand myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my world, wanting to hold it in place and fearing to change/transform myself and my world as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as fear of change because change gives me a feeling of instability.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define self purification/self transformation/self change as instability, perceiving/believing that i am not able to be stable in change, instead of realizing that real stability exists within change -- whatever is changing i will always give it direction and who i am is stable within it.

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Homework

I forgive mysef that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i have difficulty handling homework.