asking questions

Asking questions

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form an idea that asking questions is self-dishonesty and is sin and that desteni does not support asking questions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to misinterprete what happened on desteni forum that some members are banned for asking questions and perceived that asking questions is not allowed.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold back from asking questions and justify that because i have believed that i have lived self-honesty which is not asking questions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define asking questions as self-dishonesty and holding back from asking questions as self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out the definition of restricting myself from asking questions based on my idea of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold on this pattern of holding myself back from asking questions because i perceive/believe that if i admit i am actually allowed to ask questions, i will be wrong and that what i have been living is valueless and worthless.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to confront desteni so that i can prove that i am right.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagine Sunette like a superior Buddha and i being inferior and confronting her.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself by holding myself back from asking questions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i have been forced to suppress myself by holding myself back from asking questions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i have forced to comform to the rules that i am not satisfied with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to accept this suppression unwillingly and start to live this suppression with unsatisfaction, grudge and blame.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as the suppression as holding myself back from asking questions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get used to holding myself from asking questions, and become reluctant to change.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to change because if i change back to my starting point that will mean what i have been doing is totally wasted/useless/meaningless/worthless/valueless.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that i will have to change back to where i started after i have made up my mind and endured the discomfort to change myself into the current situation.

I forgive myself that i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i have been played for a fool in this process of me wanting to asking questions -> holding myself from asking questions through my idea that asking questions is self-dishonesty -> encouraging me to ask questions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get angry because i could have done this long ago and that i have wasted my time for so long.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to admit that i have been wasting my time for so long and i could have done this long ago "but" because of a reason that i believe to have been caused by the same agent that has proposed to change back.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is desteni that has imposed the rule of holding myself from asking questions and i have lived according to such a rule; then now you say we encourage asking questions, so i experienced that i had been fooled because i could have asked questions from the start and the whole scenario of holding myself from asking questions is totally stupid and unnecessary.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself for the absolute absurdity and stupidity that i have been living and i do not want to admit such absurdity and stupidity so i want to blame my experience onto somebody else.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify the absoulte absurdity and stupidity that i have accepted and allowed myself to place meaning/value/worth on.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to change myself because i want to hold onto my past that i have defined myself as and that i have placed value/worth/importance on and i do not want to loose that even though i have already seen the stupidity of what i have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to let go of the self-stupidity that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as and want to justify it instead of realizing that justifying self-stupidity is self-stupidity in itself thus conituation of self-stupidity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my past experience even though it is self-stupidity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to invest in the self-interest which is self-stupidity and is reluctant to let go.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify self-stupidity using all kinds of excuses/justifications/reasons, including free will -- i have the right to choose to be self-stupidity -- which in itself is absolute self-stupidity again.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify -- even if it is wrong i still hold onto it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my past experiences and the time that i have spent on.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to do something for something outside of me separate from me -- expectation of getting reward, which then turns out to disappointment when expectation is not met.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that if what i have done is not appreciated then it is useless/valueless/worthless.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define self-value/self-worth/meaning according to appreciation from other people.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto self-stupidity. Why??????

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to continue to deceive myself to believe that everything is still OK and that what i lived is meaningful.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry towards myself because i could have...

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to dwell on the past mistakes that i have made instead of realizing that the past has already happened i can not change it, the only point of change is Here at every moment -- not in the past not in the future, right here.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that holding onto self-stupidity is self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify self-abuse and hold onto it. Why??? How is this possible?

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place value, worth, importance on self-abuse because i have invested in self-interest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-interest is meaningful, valueable and worthy instead of realizing that this is self-abuse and continuation of self-stupidity.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that self-interest is self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto self-interest, instead of realizing that i am holding onto self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as resistance towards working this point through and get it done.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to write one sentence of SF and then want to have a stop and then pick it up again -- indication of resistance. What am i resisting? What is it that is preventing me from working through this point?