accepatance of self as a system

"the point most resisted by each is to actually understand how you became ROB in detail --to see how easy it is to become programmed -- then you will not allow yourself to be programmed and you are empowered to stop such an existence ."

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that all that i am at this moment is a system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the system as bad and judge/resist/deny/reject the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to see that i am IN FACT a system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see myself as who/what i am as a system that i have accepted myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself perceive that it is defeating to see myself as a system instead of realizing that not seeing myself IN FACT as who/what i am is separation and has no power to make a difference and that this actually creates real self-defeat.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to say 'Nah. i don't wann see.' instead of realizing that this is resistance/denial/rejection/abdication and is creating separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from who/what i am as a system and that all that exists is system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see the fact and react to the fact that all that exists is system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel defeated to see/understand that all is system and do not want to understand this point -- system resisting and creating separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being a system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i am a system i deserve to be punished and i actually punish myself everytime i find systematic patterns.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to accept myself as a system -- who and what i am right now.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist studying/investigating/understanding all the facets/details of the functionings of myself as a system because i have regarded this as a huge amout of work -- self honestyly have a look -- am i really interested in making a difference?

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to admit/see myself as who and what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become -- a system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project myself as a superior/good/honest being, and that i am apparently more than other people, instead of realizing that this is a projection that i present myself to be.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to present myself to be more than who i am--who i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as being superior/knowledgable with the interaction of my family.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to live the words as who i am.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide/protect the patterns that i have created as myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately hide/protect that i do not want other people to see within me so that i can continue to exist in self-dishonesty because apparently no one can know it.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that presenting myself as a projection an indea within me is self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belive/imagine myself to be something more than who/what/how i am right now.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form an idea of desteni people being all perfect beings having transcended etc instead of realizing that this is an idea that i am presenting myself to be and that this is not real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define self-acceptance as accepting who, what and how i am as it is and that it's all i'll ever be -- that is not self-acceptance, this is submission.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define self-acceptance as submission.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-acceptance because i have defined self-acceptance as submission -- what i have understood to be self-defeat.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as resistance -- deliberately disregard/ignore what/who/how i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to see how i have created myself as a system and how i am functioning as a program.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist investigating/studying/understanding myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define informing myself of what/who/how i am and function as a system as self-disohonesty because i have defined information as bad and resisted information.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist the information that is supportive and assisting.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge information and study and understanding because i have believed that desteni does not support understanding.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define understanding as information and knowledge and within this resisted understanding.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that by separating myself from myself as a MCS i have ended up in the position of abuse.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed msyelf to realize that anything that i did from the starting point of separation has no meaning/value/worth in any way whatesoever, because i am only creating separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel defeated that what i did has no meaning/value/worth because i have done what i did from the starting point of separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed/angry/frustrated that what i did is meaningless/valueless because i have created more separation through my application with the starting point of separation.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i willl only create more separation from the starting point of separation.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have no power to direct myself as the system unless i stand one and equal with and as the system and study/investigate/understand what/who/how i function as a system in all its facets and details.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to assist and support myself to see with self-honesty what/who/how i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist in understanding myself as a design as the system in details and in all its facets.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge study/investigation and understanding, because i have defined these all related to information, knowledge and memory so that they are not allowed.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define study/investigation and understanding as merely information/knowledge and memory instead of realizing that this is limitation, because study/investigation and understanding is not merely information, knoledge and memory but practical living -- living the realizations and understandings practically in the physical.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to realize that i have created a complete separation through believing me to be more than who/what/how i am.

I forgive myself that i have presented myself as being honest, fearing to write out my patterns and how i deal with them, because then that will mean that i am no differet than other people.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to present myself as apparently being different from other people so that i can have a feeling of being special/unique.

I forgive myselff that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being knowledgable/insightful.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to set myself apart from the rest of the world which i have put on self-value and self-worth and which makes me feel that i am special.

i forgive myself that i have acceptted and allowed mysel fto want to regarded as being special.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing my everyday life on my Chinese blog because then that will mean that i am no diffferent than other people experiencing the shit that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myselff that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to present myself as being different from other people instead of exposing all self-dishonesties.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i fear to expose my self-dishonesties instead of realizing that fear in itself is self-honesty because it is an excuse for why i do not honour who i really am in every moment as every breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belive that i have already written enough self-forgivenesses which is actually resistance towards taking this point out completely and work through it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in the illusion that i am apparently good/self-honest while at the same time experiencing myself as the shit that i am doing to myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be obsessed/possessed by the idea that i have formed about myself which is an illusion and i will end up in abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to such abuses to continue just to protect the self-interest which is the idea/image that i have formed about myself.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to be actually honest with myself to work through what/who/how i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the amout of work that i need to do is so much that i am not able to handle.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myselff to limit myself within the amout of information that i am albe to handle, instead of realizing that this is self-limitation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be less than what i am capable of -- which is me accepting self-limitation throught the trained mind scenarios.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in resistance towards facing the patterns that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and will find all kinds of excuses and justifications to not work with myself to remove the systematic programs that i have accepted myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself through separating myself from myself as a system.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that only when i stand equal and one with myself as all that i am currently as a system do i have the power to change myself and my world and then the whole world in its entirety.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such a perception/idea/belief that working with myself and investigate/study/understand myself as a system is to seclude myself from the world and exist in isolation -- this is an idea that i have formed about working with myself and seclusion/isolation is part of the program and thus can not be allowed to continue to exist but to be deprogrammed.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to go into specifics of when/where/how i have created myself as the constructs/patterns/behaviors in detail -- all the aspects of the whole point so that i am able to actually change myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to simply use the words -- this can not be accepted -- in the attempt to dismiss the whole point, instead of assisting and supporting myself to not suppress the point but to deal with it study/investigate/understand the whole design of the point that i have created and within the understanding to direct myself to stop such a design and walk the physical corrective action so that i physically stop the pattern.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the point that opens up by stating -- it can not be accepted -- and then suppress the point while the point do not just disappear -- it comes back again and again and again, requiring me to open the point up and deal with it -- not just to suppress it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form a pattern of suppressing the points that come up instead of openinig it up and dealing with it within self-honesty to investigate/study/understand how i have designed myself as such a pattern.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not able to deal with some patterns that have existed for a long time because they just seem to not go away.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel defeated by the patterns/thoughts that come back again and again and again and within this acceptance of self-defeat i manifested myself as giving up -- not dealing with the point but let the point to fuck with me while i become numb of such an experience.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such a perception/idea/belief that there is no way that i am able to stop some points -- instead of realizing that this is the indication of the trained mind pattern -- me being trained to exist as self-defeat and me fucking myself automatically.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have formed a pattern of self-fuckedness through allowing myself to be dictated by my MCS.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react in self-defeat when i am dealing with a point that come up.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition of resistance and self-defeat towards working with the point that open up and will experience myself as powerlessness and helplessenes and anger and hate and irritation and reluctance...

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i am being tortured by the system and my mainfested experience and feel that i do not know what to do about it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as self-defeat/giving up/powerlessness/helplessness/blame/hate/anger/irritation/dispondency.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is no way out that the only thing that is left is just suffering.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify suffering and believe that i do not deserve to enjoy myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i can not enjoy myself and that i do not allow myself to enjoy myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to prevent myself from enjoying myself because i perceive enjoying myself to be sinful. I stop such a definition! I give permission for me to enjoy myself every moment as every breath Here within the consideration of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such a perception/idea/belief that enjoying self is self-interest and self-dishonesty and thus is invalid.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to prevent myself from self-satisfaction, because i have defined self-satisfaction as self-interest and self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form an idea of enjoying self/self-satisfaction as self-interest/self-dishonesty/sin within which i have prevented myself from enjoying myself and being satisfied with myself.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that self-honesty is not in contradiction with enjoying self and being satisfied with self, instead self-honesty is the greatest self-satisfaction and sefl-enjoy because self is in authentic self-expression.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to enjoy doing what is best for all and enjoy/being satisfied with myself to be who i really am.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form such a perception/idea/belief that if i am satisfied with myself i will not be able to improve/progress.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to always want to become better than myself as an idea out there, projected.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately make myself suffer so that i can move myself, instead of realizing that this is not self-movement.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe "There is no best but only better."

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use dissatisfaction to motivate myself to move myself to become better -- using something as projected idea where only than can i accept myself and be satisfied with myself, instead of realizing that this is impossible because what i am applying and what i am living is self-dissatisfaction and what i will only manifest and create is equal and one as self-dissatisfaction -- from self-dissatisfaction can not reach self-satisfaction as this is contradiction -- i must first accept myself apply self-satisfaction for me to experience myself as self-satisfaction.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately derogate myself to make myself feel bad so that i am not proud of myself and that i can achieve something more.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as self-dissatisfaction and justify self-dissatisfaction as my 'philosophy' -- totally fucked.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto self-dissatisfaction because i believe that self-dissatisfaction is what i have realized and proves that i am insightful. I stop.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to accept myself unconditionally but only be able to accept myself when i have achieved something and within this process i will always experiecne self-dissatisfaction.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as obsession with results -- defining everything that i do according to the result that i get.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being practical is to be only concerned with results as what my father has lived.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate process from results, perceiving/believing that they are not consistent with each other.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the journey and the destination are equal and one as self as what self accepts and allows -- whether self stands as Life or not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is not OK for me to enjoy myself -- this can not be tolerated.

I enjoy myself as who i really am as LIFE as all as one as equal as Here in every moment as every breath.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if i am satisfied with myself i will not be able to move myself/expand myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belive that self-movement/self-expansion requires dissatisfaction instead of realizing that movement based on dissatisfaction is not real self-movement -- real self-mvement is based on the understanding of who self really is as Life as all as one as equal and what is required to be done of what is best for all to honour self as Life.

asking questions

Asking questions

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form an idea that asking questions is self-dishonesty and is sin and that desteni does not support asking questions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to misinterprete what happened on desteni forum that some members are banned for asking questions and perceived that asking questions is not allowed.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold back from asking questions and justify that because i have believed that i have lived self-honesty which is not asking questions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define asking questions as self-dishonesty and holding back from asking questions as self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out the definition of restricting myself from asking questions based on my idea of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold on this pattern of holding myself back from asking questions because i perceive/believe that if i admit i am actually allowed to ask questions, i will be wrong and that what i have been living is valueless and worthless.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to confront desteni so that i can prove that i am right.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagine Sunette like a superior Buddha and i being inferior and confronting her.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself by holding myself back from asking questions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i have been forced to suppress myself by holding myself back from asking questions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i have forced to comform to the rules that i am not satisfied with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to accept this suppression unwillingly and start to live this suppression with unsatisfaction, grudge and blame.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as the suppression as holding myself back from asking questions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get used to holding myself from asking questions, and become reluctant to change.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to change because if i change back to my starting point that will mean what i have been doing is totally wasted/useless/meaningless/worthless/valueless.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that i will have to change back to where i started after i have made up my mind and endured the discomfort to change myself into the current situation.

I forgive myself that i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i have been played for a fool in this process of me wanting to asking questions -> holding myself from asking questions through my idea that asking questions is self-dishonesty -> encouraging me to ask questions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get angry because i could have done this long ago and that i have wasted my time for so long.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to admit that i have been wasting my time for so long and i could have done this long ago "but" because of a reason that i believe to have been caused by the same agent that has proposed to change back.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is desteni that has imposed the rule of holding myself from asking questions and i have lived according to such a rule; then now you say we encourage asking questions, so i experienced that i had been fooled because i could have asked questions from the start and the whole scenario of holding myself from asking questions is totally stupid and unnecessary.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself for the absolute absurdity and stupidity that i have been living and i do not want to admit such absurdity and stupidity so i want to blame my experience onto somebody else.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify the absoulte absurdity and stupidity that i have accepted and allowed myself to place meaning/value/worth on.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to change myself because i want to hold onto my past that i have defined myself as and that i have placed value/worth/importance on and i do not want to loose that even though i have already seen the stupidity of what i have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to let go of the self-stupidity that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as and want to justify it instead of realizing that justifying self-stupidity is self-stupidity in itself thus conituation of self-stupidity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my past experience even though it is self-stupidity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to invest in the self-interest which is self-stupidity and is reluctant to let go.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify self-stupidity using all kinds of excuses/justifications/reasons, including free will -- i have the right to choose to be self-stupidity -- which in itself is absolute self-stupidity again.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify -- even if it is wrong i still hold onto it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my past experiences and the time that i have spent on.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to do something for something outside of me separate from me -- expectation of getting reward, which then turns out to disappointment when expectation is not met.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that if what i have done is not appreciated then it is useless/valueless/worthless.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define self-value/self-worth/meaning according to appreciation from other people.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto self-stupidity. Why??????

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to continue to deceive myself to believe that everything is still OK and that what i lived is meaningful.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry towards myself because i could have...

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to dwell on the past mistakes that i have made instead of realizing that the past has already happened i can not change it, the only point of change is Here at every moment -- not in the past not in the future, right here.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that holding onto self-stupidity is self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify self-abuse and hold onto it. Why??? How is this possible?

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place value, worth, importance on self-abuse because i have invested in self-interest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-interest is meaningful, valueable and worthy instead of realizing that this is self-abuse and continuation of self-stupidity.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that self-interest is self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto self-interest, instead of realizing that i am holding onto self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as resistance towards working this point through and get it done.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to write one sentence of SF and then want to have a stop and then pick it up again -- indication of resistance. What am i resisting? What is it that is preventing me from working through this point?

Ideas of self-honesty, Self-rightousness, Superiority

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition according to the ideas that i have formed about self-honesty, and have placed values and worths onto the my ideas of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am self-honest in my past year after i have discovered desteni.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in the illusion that my past is self-honest, valuable and worthy, and thus unwilling to see with self-honesty what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be mesmerized by the ideas of self-honesty that i have formed, and projected this idea of self-honesty onto my past and whatever i did in my past.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live according to the ideas i have formed about self-honesty and believe what i did in my past year after discovering desteni is really self-honest, while the truth is that i am using the word self-honesty to hide the real self-dishonesty that i have accepted and allowed within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my past because i have believed that those are self-honest expressions and i have placed much values and worths on it and that if i admit that they are actually self-dishonest i will lose that self-definition and the values and worths i have placed onto them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my self-definition according to the ideas that i have formed about self-honesty which i have projected onto my past.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am self-honest which is an idea within my mind not actual living.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to confuse the idea of self-honesty with actual self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the word self-honesty to define my past experiences while the truth of my past experience is actually self-limitation, within this mesmerization of the word self-honesty i have mistook self-limitation with self-honesty and lived that out and unwilling to let go.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to change myself and break down the self-limitation that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become becausee i have believed that i am self-honest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing self-definitions, self-value and self-worth which i have placed onto my past whose nature is in fact accepted self-limitation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face the truth that most of my past year is in absolute accepted self-limitation and that i have existing in this self-limitation for so long that i have allowed myself to diminish so much.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify self-limitation because i have defined that to be self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have fucked myself with the ideas that i have formed about self-honesty which i have projected onto my experience of self-limitation.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that it is actually self-dishonesty that i hold onto the belief that my past is self-honest without actually investigating and seeing what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to let go and break down self-limitation because i have placed value/worth on it according to my idea of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself, self-value, self-worth according to my past, instead of realizing that who i really am is Here in every moment as every breath, not defined by past/present/future.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face the self-dishonesty that i have accepted and allowed but want to run away from/deny/resist/cover up so that i do not have to be honest with myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to cover actual self-dishonesty with my idea of self-honesty, which is very sneaky and deceptive.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use my idea of self-honesty as an excuse and justification for why i do not face myself with real self-honesty and change/transform myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself with the idea of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to protect my self-definition.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that me as my mind will throw baits to test the true nature of me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to see what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attack beings who point out my self-dishonesties because me as a MCS wants to protect its own existence.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify/protect me as a system with abuse/threaten within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to people who i know has threatened my definition as a MCS and me as a MCS reacted within a defense mechanism.

I forgive myself that i havea ccetped and allowed myself to define myself as the defense mechanism that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have given permission for me to be fucked by my mind and trained myself into self-limitation which i believed to be self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i am speaking redundant words without going anywhere.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with desteni because i perceive that desteni members are not living what they propose and their actions are invalidating their words, instead of realizing that i have misinterpreted the words of desteni documents and videos based on ideas and assuptions within my mind about what is said in desteni documents and videos and that i am living according to my mind interpretation of words in desteni documents and videos and evaluating desteni members' actions according to what i am living which is misterpretation and misunderstanding of the words.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am living self-honesty while desteni members are not living self-honesty, which is a clear indication that there is something wrong.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get angry with desteni because i perceive that i have been deceived -- i believe that i am living what is presented in the documents and videos while other desteni members are not living the words; and i do not fucking enjoy my experience while some desteni members are enjoying their experiences.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel deceived because i believe that i have lived what is presented by desteni according to my idea while that is not what desteni actually supports and when i found out that what i lived is not self-honesty i became angry because i felt that what i have lived is a waste of time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to time and become angry if i believe that i have wasted my time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be furious because i believe that no matter i do it is not fucking right, and that i can "never" get it right.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i am doing what i am doing "for" desteni instead of realizing that it is all about self -- it has nothing to do with desteni it is all about who i am.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my past memory that my father is extremely picky and that he is never satisfied with me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project the relationship that i have formed with my father onto desteni, being angry with desteni instead of realizing that i am actually angry with my father.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to do something and live for my father and want to satisfy him but can never satisfy him because he is picky.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry because i perceive that i did exactly what i am told to do but now you have changed your mind and what i did became useless.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagine within my mind the picture of strangling the portal which is a reflection of anger. Why the fuck am i angry with the portal? Why am i fucking angry with myself? What is it that i am angry with myself?

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have deceived myself because i have followed my mind and dropped into a mind pattern.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto this anger towards my father and imagine within my mind abusing my father as a revenge.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger and then when it dissipates i apply self-forgiveness -- it is not real but abusing self-forgiveness to support the anger manifestation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form a perrception/idea/belief that desteni is very picky not consistent -- this is what i have misinterpreted through me following my mind interpretation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the anger within me because i have judged anger as bad -- it does not mean that i have to act upon the anger that is also self-dishonesty -- neither suppressing nor acting upon anger but to use it to stand up and stop self-anger.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to slash out anger in a violent way within my mind, imagining all those abusive, violent pictures in my head.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to be obsessed and possessed by anger which i perceive to be justified because i am deceived, instead of realizing that i have actually deceived myself through trusting my mind and following mind interpretations, ideas and beliefs which is how i have fucked myself through my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define what i am living as self-honesty which is actually an idea of self-honesty not self-honesty as a fact.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want everybody else to live what i am living because i believe what i am living to be self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to belive that what i am living is right, living my self-definition as self-rightousness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my idea of self-honesty onto other people and want other people to do the same as me which i believed to be self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge people who do not do the same thing as i do.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated and angry towards people who are not doing what i want them to do which i believed to be self-honesty and what is best for all and for them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to wanna control other people and force them into doing what i believed to be best for all and best for them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated/angry/spiteful when people are not doing what i believed to be what is best for all and what is best for them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to threaten people into doing what is best for all instead of realizing that this is a reflection of what i am doing to myself -- threatening myself into doing what is best for all not from the starting point of self-movement within self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i may be punished if i do not do what is best for all thus forcing myself from the starting point of fear of punishment not self-movement within understanding why i am doing what i am doing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use "If you do not do this, you will ..." as a threaten to force myself to do something.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as self-threaten.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in the illusion of self-movement based on self-threaten.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that if i do this, or if i do not do this then i am self-dishonest, and i deserve to be punished.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as self-punishement.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to develop a pattern of imagining a picture of me forcing my head onto the ground saying "You fucking do this." furiously.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that there is something outside of me separate from me more powerful than me forcing me to do something.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as such a picture within my head and play it out constantly and continuously within my head.

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Self-rightousness, Superiority

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my father's self-rightousness instead of realizing that my reaction towards my father's self-rightousness is a projection of what i am doing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to say in my mind, "please, i am not self-righous.", instead of really doing self-introspection and see what i am actually accepting and allowing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am self-honest and self-rightous while all other people are self-dishonest so that i am special, i am superior, i am valuable, i am worthy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard people around me being less than me because i have defined people as being fucked up MCS so that they are valueless and worthless.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that people deserve to be killed because they are fucked up MCS.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i have the right to punish other people's self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form an idea of me according to a punishing God.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to my mother, my sister, my father and people in my world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to be right, want to do the right thing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to attack other people and impose my rightousness which i believed to be self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to communicate with other people from the starting point of wanting to be right, wanting to attack other people who do not agree with me and impose my rightousness instead of assisting and supporting the being equal and one with me as me.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to be clear with the starting point of my communication with other people.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people in my world are all less than me and that they are clueless of what is going on in this world, which gives me a feeling of superiority and specialness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior and special because i am participating on desteni forum and knowing something that other people do not understand.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people in my world are not qualified to assist and support me because i have formed such an opinion that they are inferior to me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that only people who are superior to me and more than me has the qualification to assist and support me and that people who i believed to be inferior to me and less than can only learn from me and not the other way around.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to categorize people into those who are superior to and more than me and those who are inferior and less than me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people around me are less than me and people on desteni forum are more than me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that old birds are more than newbies.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition according to the time i joined desteni forum, perceiving/believing that i am less than those who joined the forum earlier than me while superior to those who joined the forum later than me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define newbies as inferior and less than which is an idea that i have formed.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i have the right to laugh at and ridicule newbies because i have become an old bird.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i am living according to the social structure of hierarchy that i have been programmed since i was a child in the family structure, education system and the influence of society and culture.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that everyboday is equal with me as me, not more than or less than.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe that i am not able to learn anything from my peers or people around me because i have assumed them to be less than me so that they are qualified to "teach" me something.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that the instructors are all fucked-up MCS and that whatever they teach me is just going to fuck me up so that i will just ignore the lecture and block the information.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge people in my world in general because i have formed an idea of them being less than because they are fucked up MCS while me being supeiror because i am self-honest which is also an idea that i have formed.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use my idea of self-honesty to gain power to define me as being superior which is self-dishonesty in nature.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to unconditionally accept all as myself.

I stop defining myself as the polarity of superiority and infeirority. I accept all as one as equal as me, i am you as you are me within and as oneness and equality.

I assist and support all equally as myself. All as one as equal as me assist and support me equally.

SF on the "train" point

smothering

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself being smothered by my thoughts, memories, emotions, feelings, school work, SRA course and everything that is going on in my everyday life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by the amout of work that i am required to do because i believe that my work is too much for me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form a perception that my work is too much for me to handle.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist information because i have judged dealing with information as self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not able to handle my work and information effectively, instead of realizing that the reason for my ineffectiveness is that i am resisting in processing information and this resistance has created a blockage in the flowing of information.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to block information deliberately because i have believed that anything that is related to information is dishonesty, and within this blockage i have created/manifested a blockage in my self-expression.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to flow as informatioin -- to be here and integrate the information and then move on to the next moment -- always being Here.

I forgive myself that i have acceped and allowed myself to have manifested myself as an idiot -- knowing nothing and not being able to recall anything, instead of realizing that this pattern is actually me resisting from accessing information and believing that i am not able to recall anything.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe whatever i have learned has just gone and that i am not able to recall anything.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard recalling/remembering something as self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define self-honesty as remembering nothing and not being to recall anything, just like an idiot.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed myself to judge/abuse myself because of my effectiveness in the education system and define self-honesty as being ineffective.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form a perception/idea/belief that since i was good/effective in the education system then i must be self-dishonest and that in order for me to become self-honest i must become ineffective in the education system and act like an idiot.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my effectiveness in the education system and manifest myself deliberately as an idiot in the education system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into deliberate self-retardation which i believed to be self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself into the idea that self-honesty is to become self-retarded and stupid.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to mainfest myself as self-limitation, believing whatever i am working with i can not handle.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience uncertainty when i came back from the hospital instead of me directing myself Here in every moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape from the system and on the other hand i have to stay in the system, which caused many inner conflicts within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to inner conflicts.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as self-limitation, believing that i am not capable of doint this and that etc, instead of realizing that this is all ideas that i have formed within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self definition as incapability and that i must seek somebody else to do the work for me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i can not understand a fucking thing and got angry, irritated, uncertain, anxious within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be dictated by my mind telling me that i am not capable of handing what is here in front of me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not even able to handle the simplest thing -- self-doubt to an extreme extent.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be uncertain about myself and distrust/doubt myself, believing that i am less than what i am capable of.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-trust and turn myself into the manifestation of self-limitation, believing that i am not able to handle.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be uncertain in grading homework because i perceive that i am not able to handle it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself to such an extent that i believe that i am not even able to handle the most simplest thing that is well beyond what i am capable of.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to just want to dwell on what i have already known so that i will not feel this uncertainty in dealing with something new.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as fear of the unkonwn and uncertainty/self-distrust/self-doubt of new adventures.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that the system is so powerful and i am so powerless that i am a slave to the system, instead of realizing that i have given my power away to the system, not allowing myself to stand equal and one as the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be instable within my placement/position in the system -- wanting to find some assistance/help while at the same time feeling that i do not know where to turn to help.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel helpless within the system and wants to escape from the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i do not know how to handle a situation and where to turn to help.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that nobody will be able to help me in such a situation and i do not know how to handle it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as inner struggles within dealing with the new situation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form an perception/idea/belief that there is no other way but accepting the limitation, instead of assisting and supporting myself to transcend the limitation that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to prevent myself from sharing my problems/difficulties in the new situation, and just bottle everything up and experience the limitation and suffering within myself, slowly destroy myself and my world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel instable within a new situation, and fear the new situation and then go back to the limitations that i have accepted and allowed myself to define as who i am where i feel secure because everything is the old stuff that i am familiar with which gives me an illusion of stability.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to confuse stability with stagnation -- everything remaining as the old stuff that i have already known.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel stable/secure within that which i have always known as the old, and not allowing myself to move and expand myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my world, wanting to hold it in place and fearing to change/transform myself and my world as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as fear of change because change gives me a feeling of instability.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define self purification/self transformation/self change as instability, perceiving/believing that i am not able to be stable in change, instead of realizing that real stability exists within change -- whatever is changing i will always give it direction and who i am is stable within it.

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Homework

I forgive mysef that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i have difficulty handling homework.

SF on jealousy

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of Josh because i see him as very specific/diligent/hardworking/active in doing the lab and having discussions with Lukens (NMR instructor), while i see myself as the opposite in expression.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard Josh to be more than me and regard me as being less than within comparision in expression, and thus being jealous of Josh's expression, instead of assisting and supporting me to be as effective as Josh's expression.
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I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing self-forgiveness because i have regarded writing SF as less efficient than speaking SF, instead of realizing that writing can assist and support me to see what i have accepted and allowed directly in front of me and thus it is great support for me to apply specific and effective SF.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard writing SF as a waste of time while speaking SF is very efficient.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the resistance towards writing SF is the resistance towards facing myself and thus protection of self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to protect my own patterns/habitual behaviors/definitions/self-limitations through resistance of writing in facing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as resistance towards facing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that writing self-forgiveness is a waste of time, instead of realizing that this is an idea that i have formed and an excuse that i use for me as a MCS to trap myself.


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I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior in expression when i see that Josh was able to communicate effectively with the professor while i was just standing beside and making a couple of comments.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i am not able to communicate effectively with other people.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take my expression as passiveness in doing the lab and define myself as this expression.
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I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my past memories/habitual patterns in this Grad lab scenario.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate changing myself as my accepted nature, believing that it is better to start doing something later in the future instead of realizing that the future projection/expectation is trapping me into the pattern of procrastination.

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I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am less in doing something with my hand.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to say in my mind that i am not able to do it right -- acceptance of limitation, instead of assisting and supporting me to stop the definition of limitation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that it is too late for me to do something, and within this existing as self-defeat and self-abdication.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is too late to do something and want to give up in assisting and supporting myself in taking the opportunity at the moment to do whatever i can do in the moment -- it is never too late in every HERE moment.
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I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that Josh is reflecting to me what has happened in the family construct -- the sibling senario.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being effective only in certain situations and limit myself in those situations, not allowing myself to challenge myself and expand my self-expression.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear challenges because i have defined myself as being incapable of handling challenges.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to say in mind that challenging myself is stupid, instead of realizing that this is justification of self-limitation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and myself to resist writing SF on fear of challenge.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as fear of challenge, and within this fear i start to avoid all challenges.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to study new courses because i fear that i may not be able to catch up with the course.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only be comfortable with that which i have already known which i feel secure.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure when i was facing a challenge, which led to the pattern of self-doubt/self-distrust.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to restrict myself from expanding myself within participating in this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as self-limitation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to choose that which is least challenging so that i will be able to survive.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define living as surviving.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to turn living into surviving in the education system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to myself for being able to read so many books and my effectiveness in reading many books.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself as this resistance and protection of self-dishonesty, instead of realizing that me as a MCS is interfering so that i can continue to be enslaved.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have given permission for my mind to control/enslave me instead of me directing myself.

I forgive mysef that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am less that what i am capable of and live out my self-definition as self-limitation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for my mind to fuck with me in the process of self-expansion.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not dedicate myself in the process of self-expansion and walk through the limitation that i have accepted and allowed until the pattern of self-limitation exists no more.
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I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i am left behind and that i am regarded as a member in the group but a marginal man.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is too late for me to take action and thus giving up already even before i give myself an opportunity, instead of realizing that it is never too late.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself exist as isolation and define myself as this pattern of isolation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not able to transcend the points that i have limited myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definitiy on as self-limitation through the trained-mind senario.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to act upon the limitation that i used to define as who i am, and within this limitation i fucked myself by myself.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to dedicate myself to carry/walk through a pattern until it is transcended.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to act upon the limitation that i used to define as who i am and within this acting upon limitation/fear of challenge i have allowed myself
to relapse into the old patterns and eventually went into isolation/depression/anger etc.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny the truth that i have accepted and allowed me to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge that which i see can assist and support as bullshit and prevent myself from expanding myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to close the windows of opportunity within and as the infinite moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for my mind to fuck with me so that i do not accept myself to experience who i really am as Life as all as one as equal as the limitless self-expression.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as self-limitation and justify/protect self-limitation, instead of seeing the stupiditiy in such behaviors.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to close the windows of opportunity and not allow myself to go for whatever that is here as self-expression to expand myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as self-defeat, defining myself as a slave to the limitation that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and beome.
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I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to face the miconceptions/misunderstandings that i have formed and correct them, because i have defined myself as those misconceptions/misunderstandings and have given value to them even i know that they are fucking me.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see the stupidity within such behaviors as justifying/defending/protecting self-limitations.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the bullshit talk saying "i love that" -- loving self-limitation and self-abuse?

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to face the self-abuse and self-limitation that i have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow the pictures/patterns within my mind so that i divert my attention from Here and miss the point of transendence and time loop myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take the bait that my mind throws at me and even stupidly bite the bait.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the lethargy/picture divertion/energetic experience etc are the baits that me as a MCS is throwing at me just to divert my attention from the transcendent point.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that me as a MCS fears to disappear and will do whatever it takes to divert my attention away from the possibility of realizing myself.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to give direction to the points that are in my world that require directions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as weak-willed, instead of realizing that it is a statement of self-limitation and thus can not be tolerated.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that i am weak-willed to just continue the self-dishonesty/self-interest, which is absolutely self-abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist participation in this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as stagnation.

I forgive myself that

self-judgement, self-denial, self-resistance, self-abdication, self-rejection

http://desteni.co.za/forum/viewtopic.php?t=16142

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have been judging, denying, resisting, abdicating, rejecting that which i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as my nature.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the truth of/as me deliberately so that i can continue to exist as self-deception and not change myself.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i can not change anything if i exist as separation from that which i want to change.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face the truth of/as me as my accepted nature, because it is not beautiful, not something i 'enjoy' seeing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification 'i do not want to see', 'i do not enjoy seeing it' etc to justify why i hide from myself -- from the dishonest nature that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to open myself up, but pushing everybody away from me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out the pattern of pushing everyone away from me, which is the pattern that is dominating me on resonance level.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resisit facing myself, thus separating myself from myself and giveing my power power away within separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist assisting and supporting myself unconditionally within self-honesty, but want to continue to hide from the truth of/as me as the accepted nature.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in resistance towards SRA, because me as a MCS know that if i participate in this course and assist and support me in this course i will be able to stop myself as a MCS, and me as a MCS fear losing myself, not willing to give myself up -- that's why i am procrastinating SRA.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that i do not have enough time to participate in this course SRA to assist and support me, instead of realizing that it is not about time really -- it is about self-movement--time is just an excuse of me not assisting and supporting myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to wait for somebody else to push me so that i can move myself. WTF?! I am actually waiting for myself.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that what i have always been waiting is but myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in the pattern of self-defeat, wanting to wait for somebody else to save me/push me -- this can not be tolerated.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an observer, not allowing myself to realize that participation is required Here.

discipline

My definition of self-discipline is self-initiative in Living of/as Self as the Principle. I see the word principle hidden in the word discipline -- hard to see and it actually took me quite a while to understand what discipline means to me that can assist and support me as who i really am.

Self-discipline is freedom. Self-discipline is freedom as self as the Principle. Self-discipline is not constraint/limitation/regulation -- such things exist when self does not live as the Principle so that external methods are imposed on self to control/contain self.

innocence

I have got an insight into the word innocence = in no sins. By word origin, innocence= in + noc [harm]+ence. So, innocence=in no sins=harmless. What is sin? The originonal sin is spitefulness which in essence is to harm. Thus the two perspectives "in no sins" and "harmless" are compatible with each other. From a more general perspective, "sin" is the infraction of The Divine Law--the Law of Equality and Oneness which exists everywhere always in all ways in the universe. The Divine Law has already determined the destiny of the universe -- the birth of Life as all as one as equal Here. Sin as infraction of the Divine Law is actually infraction of who i really am as who we really are as Life as all as one as equal, which is equal to self-dishonesty-- sin=self-dishonesty. Sin=self-dishonesty=infraction of who i really am as who we all really are as Life as all as one as equal as the destiny of the universe within and as the Law of Equality and Oneness.

Another perspective of sin is the sine function and cosine function in mathematics. These two functions, according to Euler formula: e^(i x)=cos x + i sin x, forms the unit circle--circle=loop= infinity=trap. Sin is manifested as the design of infinity as the Fibonacci spiral which is base design of consciousness. Consciousness is the representation of sin as self-dishonesty as the infraction of who i really am as who we all really are as Life as all as one as equal.

The Law of Equality and Oneness -> Life as all as one as equal as who i really am as who we all really are -> Common Sense as what is best for all.

Here to change

I registered a course of biophysics this semester, because i got interested in the functioning of DNA and wanted to understand more about how it works. I expected this course to be interesting and we can discuss a lot of the most recent progresses in biology, which, however, is just my idea of how this course should be.

In the actual course, i felt disappointed. There are seven students who are in this course and only two of us is native students and the other five, including me, are Chinese students. The teacher is also Chinese. Chinese students, obviously not all, tend to muddle through courses without much participation and contribution in class. I thought this course would turn into a dull one because of so many Chinese students. I really do not want to just muddle through this course and get a high score without really learning something at least. So this generated a feeling of disappointment and despondency within me.

Today i actually participated in my first class of this course. The lecture turned out to be not so dull. I actually had some discussions and insights during the lecture, which released much of the despondency that i felt previously. When having discussions in class, i felt anxiety within wanting to speak and fearing to speak at the same time which manifested as energy movement in my solar plexus and quickened heart beats. This pattern has accompanied me for quite a while. The anxiety arises when i have the desire to speak up and express myself but i prevent myself from doing so out of fear and this suppressed expression will accumulate within me and creates anxiety. The fear that i experienced which prevent me from speaking at the moment is based on a couple of factors: one factor is the concern whether i am speaking at the right time--will I disrupt the professor's lecture; another fator is expectation; also fear of judgement--what other students might think about me. The Chinese student definition is underlying this whole experience, which i have formed during my years in Chinese education system. I had the concern whether i am acting like a Chinese student and whether i am too different than a typical Chinese student. LOL. It is really ridiculous. Why the fuck do i have to act like a Chinese student? Why the fuck do i define myself as a Chinese student who have certain specific behavior patterns? LOL. Absolute limitation. It is a program. I have already had certain awareness of this pattern and I am breaking down this pattern. This also explains why i have difficulty fitting into the Chinese group -- i no longer allow myself to define myself according to a national personality.

Then i realized this point: i am here to make a difference. I am not just here when everything is perfect so that the only thing that i am here to do is just enjoy. This world/the current system requires change and that is what i need to bring out and that is why i am here. I am Here to make a difference. No disappointment is necessary. Just do what is Here necessary to be done--bring out the change required. That is it.