What i have discovered today is that i am actually existing in fear of my mind -- fearing the reactions and threatening from my mind. This pattern i have developed for quite a while -- almost a year. After i met desteni, i understood/realized more about the mind consciousness system, including the thoughts/pictures/images/emotions/feelings. But i then reacted within fear -- fear of myself as my mind, and i have been looping since then. Then resistances towards participating in this world is immense -- fear of the system = fear of myself as the system. Then a couple of weaks ago, this fear became more manifested. I made an equal money/equal labor system video on youtube and had quite a discussion with a being called Jeff on the video commnet. This Jeff person, as i see now, is the reflection of me as a mind consciousness system. He reacted furiously finally, out of fear, claiming to squash us (desteni) like a bug. I reacted within fear -- fealing scared and threatened by Jeff's words, fearing to be killed by him and regarding him to be more powerful than me, and accpeted myself to be inferior. Within this acceptance of fear from Jeff, i accepted and allowed myself to be inferior to myself as the mind consciousness system -- fearing to be attacked/threatend/killed/murdered/abused/tortured by myself as the MCS. But the truth is that i made a statement to kill/slaughter/remove myself as a mind consciousness system personality definition days ago, and me as a mind consciousness system reacted within fear to present itself to be more powerful than what it actually really is -- presenting itself to be able to threaten/kill/murder/abuse/torture me as Life -- while it's a total bluff. But i gave into this point of bluff from myself as a MCS, and believed that me as a MCS has the power to do so -- within this acceptance the bluff worked. So it is me giving myself as a MCS power to direct/manipulate/control/threaten me. I then developed a series of reactive behaviors within my mind which i feared through my own acceptance and allowance. The major points that i gave into fear to myself as a MCS is fear of thoughts/pictures/images/reactive behaviors -- all these points merely exist within my mind, yet i have given my power away to them to such an extent that they are able to direct me physically through my fear -- really weird and bizarre -- me physically being directed by illusions within me through acceptance and allowance of fear. Within this fear of thoughts/pictures/images/reactive behaviors within my mind, i tried to appease my mind, not to challenge my mind, not to exist in conflict with my mind, to be nice to my mind, to live peacefully with the 'beast' so to speak, giving permission to me as my mind to continue abuse me -- self-abuse. This pattern has manifested in my world as me fearing reactions from other beings in my world and fearing to challenge other beings' self-dishonesties, but want to avoid all possible conflicts including giving permission to other beings' self-dishonesty -- which is exactly a reflection of what i am accepting within myself. The outer reality reflects the inner reality, vice versa = the outer reality is equal and one to the inner reality. What i accept and allow within other beings, i accept and allow within myself. The world is a reflection of me = the world is me reflecting to me what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become. One example is that i have been postponeing to direct one of my roomates to clear up the mess he created in the kitchen because i fear that i may hurt his feeling. I pushed through this fear and directed the being to clear up this mess. Then i realized what i am actually fearing is not fear of hurting the being's feeling but fear of reaction from this being -- a projection of my own fear of reaction from my mind. My roomate is reflecting what i am accepting and allowing within me. Now that i have seen/recoginized this point of me fearing the bluff of me as a MCS, the bluff will no longer work. Till here no further! I stop myself as a MCS no matter what!
Me as a MCS is a interesting design. It uses everything that it can use to test me to the ultimate specificity of the truth of me -- will i fall for the hook or am i able to recognize who i really am? What is the fabric that i am made of? My mind is not my enemy, it is me reflecting to me what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and testing the true nature of me. My mind is not a separate entity. It is me assisting and supporting me to realize who i have accepted and allowed myself to be and who i really am. So, cooperate with myself as my mind and see what my thoughts/images/pictures/emotions/feelings/reactive behaviors/patterns etc are showing me, always ready to see and correct myself. No need to fight and fear of myself as mind. No need to judge/resist/deny what i experience. Cooperate and always ready to see and change!
I stop separation from myself as my mind. I stop regarding my mind as my enemy. I stop fighting and fearing myself as my mind. I stand one and equal with myself as Here as my mind. I stop fearing and reacting to thoughts/pictures/images/emotions/feelings within my mind. I stop reactions/judgements/denials/resistances. I am Here as all and everything that is Here as me and walk within self-honesty with the consideration of what is best for all in every moment as every breath.
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