Tuesday, March 16, 2010

self-forgiveness on feeling that i have been left behind

The pattern of feeling that i have been left behind.

Why do i have to struggle? Why am i struggling? Why??? What am i doing to myself? What am i experiencing? Why am i experiencing this? Why do i refuse to see what the hell i am doing to myself? Why does life have to become struggle? Why do i have to make my life a struggle?

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to handle more than one point at the same time -- when something is Here for me to deal with, i immediately think about something else that i have not yet done, and thus when i am dealing with what is at hand i am not completely Here but veering into my mind thinking about that what i am going to do with that i have not yet done and this results in ineffectiveness of getting what is Here done effectively within breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel scattered with the work that i am to do -- wanting to do more than what i can handle in every moment, instead of realizing the common sense that no matter how much work i am to do i can only do one thing a time and that the most effective way to get things done is to do one thing at one time and get it done and then move onto the next.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to jump between points -- thinking one point that i want to deal with and then in the middle i jump to another point that popped up into my mind and then i follow that which popped up into my mind and forgot that which revealed first -- jumping among points, not being effecitve in getting each point cleared up effectively.

Till here no further! I accept and allow myself to deal with one point at one breath and get it done and then move on to the next point.

I accept and allow myself to deal with the priority point that is Here and then move on to the next.

I do not allow myself to get scattered around, jumping among things and getting flustered and overwhelmed because i am trying to manage all the points at the same time while not being effective in either point.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to do more than what i can handle effectively in every moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to catch up because i feel that i have been left behind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious that i have been left behind and that there are so much work that i need to do in order for me to catch up.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get things all done in one moment so that i can catch up.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i may get left behind.

I forgive myself that i have accetped and allowed myself to do things within the pressure of catching up instead of being here directing myself and the situation to get it done effectively.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel defeated that i have been left behind because i felt that there is no way i am going to catch up -- the amount of work is too much.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that the amount of work is too much for me to catch up and within this i have already given up before i even give myself an opportunity to actually take action.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up/quit because i believe that the amount of work is too much and that i am not to catch up.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to such a thought to control me/direct me instead of me directing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and alloweed myself to define myself as this pattern of self-defeat because i believed that the amount of work to do is beyong my capability.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel intimidated/overwhelmed/flooded with that what i am requried to do and within this i have already given into such an experience and give up from the start.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up from the start even before i give myself an opportunity.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the starting point of self-defeat is only going to manifest self-defeat, proving myself to myself what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i am living a self-fulfilled prophecy -- believing that i am not able to do it and than my actions are all based on this starting point and i actually create my experience as incapability.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as self-defeat.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as self-defeat.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manifest myself as self-defeat.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see within self-honesty that i am creating myself as this experience and that i am doing it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought "I am not able to do it" to settle in and become my accepted nature.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i will fail anyway and that it is useless even to start.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i am creating/manifesting myself as a "failure" which i have accepted as my self-image from the start.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed to fear to get started because i believe that i am not able to do it instead of realizing that if i give into such a pattern i am only manifesting myself as my accepted nature "failure".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to fail and believe that i will fail -- what the fuck?!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed self-distrust to such an extent that i immediately give up in the beginning -- not even giving myself an opportunity to start.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to want to suceed and fear to fail -- the same point manifested as polarity -- wanting to win is also fearing to loose.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the polarity of success/failure and winning/losing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and alllowed myself to form an idea of success/failure and winning/losing.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see that both wanting to win and fearing to lose is the same point of fear.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that i do not have to desire to win i will lose instead ofrealizing that the desire to win is just another way of fearing to lose.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate the common sense that i used to develop.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the desire of wanting to get something done is preventing me from getting it done effectively.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to say -- that is bullshit-- in my mind -- resistance towards common sense.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate the common sense that i have realized, not allowing myself to live completely as the point of self-realization.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see the common sense that -- the desire to win is also self-distrust -- if i trust myself, i do not need desire to win -- because i know it is impossible for me to fail.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that failure is an idea that i have created within my mind and believed it to be real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure which is, of course, based on the idea i have formed of failure and within this i resist/deny/judge/reject failure and manifest the opposite polarity of wanting/desiring to win.

Do i need desire to get things done? Can desire help me to get things done? What is the use of desire? Totally useless!!!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myselff to be eager to get things done instead of realizing that the eagerness is out of my fear of not getting things done effectively and i am only creaing/manifesting that which i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become -- not getting things done.

When i desire for something, i do not get it. When i do not desire it, it might come -- but it no longer matters.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed msyelf to realize that desire is separation -- believing self is lacking somehting that in order for self to be complete self must get something from outside of self to fulfill self -- the starting point is separation and will only create separation -- that which is desired must be lost for self to see the ridiculousness of desire.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see the ridiculousness of desire.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i must desire for something in order for me to "get" something, instead of realizing that it does not work that way -- desire=lacking and will create lacking because that is the starting point.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i do not manage to keep that what i "have" i will lose them -- fear of losing=separation.

Stop the desire. Stop the struggle to keep it balanced.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i have no ambition i will feel defeated.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order for me move myself/do something i must have the desire/motivation to do it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from what i do -- being driven by some separate motivation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that without a separate motivation i am not able to do anything.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belive that i must have some interest in something in order to do it.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that if i do something solely because i am interested in it and if i believe that i am not interested in it i will not do it, that is based on self-interest.

I do not need separate interest/desire/motivation for me to move.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by interest/desire/motivation separate from me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-movement/self-direction.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if i am not moved by interest/desire/motivation i will not be able to enjoy myself.

I am self as joy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as struggle and live out my self-definition as struggle.

I forgive myself hat i have accepted and allowed myself to define life as a struggle.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form an idea that in order for me to walk this process i have to be struggle because it is very difficult instead of realizing that i am living my idea of this process of being a struggle.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order for me to not get left behind i must struggle to catch up.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to first create the situation that i am fucked and then try to walk out of it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self-definition as this pattern of believing that i must first suffer/struggle and only then am i able to walk through it.

I forgive myself htait have not allowed msyelf to realize that iam creating/manifesting unncessary situations for myself and that i am allowing myself to be directed by my own ideas and beliefs.

I forgive myself that i have acccepted and allowed myself to believe that i must first fuck myself before i can get out of it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to cotinue to participate in this pattern of first creating the situation that i do not enjoy and then have to walk throught it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create the situation where i exist in stress/tension/anxiety/self-defeat/wanting to quit/giving up/desperation/helplessness/powerlessness and then fuck myself within this experience.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize what is it that iam doing to myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my resonance, regarding resonance as something that is more than me and separate from me and that i must give my power away to my resonance.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i am a slave to my resonance, instead of realizing that i am giving my power away to my resonance through separation of myself from myself as my SR.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard my resonance as a dictator that is dictating me instead of realizing that the reason that i have regarded the resonance to be more than me is because of the separation that i have accepted.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to accept me as a system -- standing equal and one with and as me Here as the system that is all me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to stand equal and one with me and as me as the system because i have believed that if i stand one and equal with the system i will become the system instead of realizing that i have already been the system and that is all me and that by saying "i willl become the system" is implying that i am believing that i am not the system that is actually me and that i have separated myself from my self as the system and existing in an illusion that i am apparently not the system and within this separation of who/what i am Here, i have given my power away and having no power to transform myself.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be something different from who/what i am Here -- separation.

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