Self-forgiveness on emotional reaction towards missing an appointment again

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad that i missed the appointment with Leila again.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being stupid and feel guilty that i have missed the appointment instead of realizing that self-judgement and the emotion of guilt is not going to make a difference but trap myself further into this loop where i have to face myself again to stop the self-judgement and the emotional reaction.


I stop self-judgement. I stop the emotional reaction. I am here as breath.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to receive Leila's emails about me missing the appointment because i fear that i may be blamed.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to look at Leila's emails because i have attached an negative emotional energetic charge to the email which represents blame for me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally towards people who has ever blamed me for something that i have done 'wrong'.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of right/wrong and good/bad, giving permission for polarity to direct me and enslave me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to develop a pattern of protective/defensive reaction towards people who i perceive to be going to blame me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the person who i perceive to be going to blame me as the cause for why i feel bad about myself and react to that person emotionally, instead of realizing that the emotional reaction exists within me as the power source of me as a MCS as i participate within it, thus i am responsible for allowing myself to go into reactions.


I forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed myself to participate in my mind in the picture of attacking the person who i believed is going to blame me and cause me to feel bad and at the same time imprint the emotional energy onto that picture through my participation in reaction, forming a particular thought/emotion construct within in my mind which i have defined as and belived to be who i am.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have formed this habitual pattern of reacting to the person who i believe to have caused me to feel bad about myself through participation in reaction when i encounter the same situation.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have defined/identified myself as this thought/emotion construct as pictures together with emotional energetic imprint, thus participating in it everytime in the same situation, instead of realizing that it is a system construct and that it is not who i really am -- if i allow myself to participate in such constructs i am allowing self-abuse.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape the negative feeling through defense/protection mechanism as emotional reactions towards that which i believed to be the source of my negative feeling out there separate from me, instead of realizing that defense/protection mechanism is not solving the problem at all, but just another MCS pattern/construct which further enslaves me into the mind trap when i participate in it and define myself as it.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself through participation in my mind in such a particular thought/emotion construct to charge my MCS to continue to enslave myself into a systematic construct further.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to check my email account because i fear to experience that 'bad' feeling within me instead of realizing that the feelings and emotions as energetic charges experinced within me is a MCS design - it is not who i really am.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for apparent 'negative'energetic feeling within me to direct and move me, going into resistance towards that which i perceive as 'negative', instead of realizing that i am allowing myself to be enslaved by my mind through my acceptance of being directed by energetic charge.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have identifed myself with the emotional/feeling energetic movements within me, allowing myself to be directed by such energetic movements, instead of realizing that they are not real, and simply stop, breathe and direct myself.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into the experience of being directed by energetic charges within me, instead of realizing that i am allowing myself to abdicate self-directive principle and allowing myself to give my power away to the MCS which i have accepted and allowed myself to become and define myself as.


I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to direct myself - to stand as the self directive principle, not allowing thoughts/emotions/feelings/energetic movements to direct and move me.



I direct myself. I move myself.

Knowledge, Comparison and competition, rushing ahead

knowledge without application is contradiction
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPQ1_U2BD1k

Knowledge as words not lived:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as knowledge as words that are not lived but merely exist in my mind as something that i know but which i do not live or which i believe i have lived.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words i speak which i did not live and have turned words into knowledge in my mind existing in conflict as separation.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the reason that knowledge existed in my mind as contradictions are because i have separated myself from my words and that what i live is in contradiction with the words i speak.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that so many contradictions that i see within desteni materials is actually a reflection of what i am actually living as myself - as knowledge in my mind as words that i did not live, existing in conflict.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see that the problem of contradictions and inconsistencies that i perceived a lot from Desteni materials is actually existing within me - the origin is within me, the source is within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry because i perceived that i had been wronged being regarded as 'finding fault', participating in emotional reactions as anger to feed my self-definition as a MCS through energetic charge.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate within my mind in the picture/image of abusing/attacking the person who i have believed that has wronged me and imprint the energetic charge as anger into this picture, forming a construct within my mind which i define as who i am and get addicted to, to feed it more and more through justification that i have the rigth to get angry.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame Desteni for my experience, believing that i am not responsible for my experience instead of realizing that i am responsible for what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become which manifested as my experience in my world and this world in its entirety. I am responsible.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i have been misled by Desteni instead of realizing that i have accepted and allowed myself to be misled by my own self-deception as knowledge as words not lived which i have placed value in and which i have defined as who i am -- believing that i am living while not actually living.

Yet still, it is not to follow Desteni materials blindly and turn Desteni into a religion and form belief constructs, but to apply and test out by self.

Practicality: When speaking words or sharing perspectives, consider specifically what it practically entails to live the words, then live those words accordingly as self in every way to become the embodiment of the words - the living word as the living flesh.


Comparison and competition, superiority/inferiority, hierarchy structure:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the polarity construct of superiority/inferiority and the hierachy structure through comparison and competition.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in comparison and competition, wanting to be superior compared to those who i perceive to be inferior.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to win within the polarity of winning/losing and superiority/inferiority through comparison and competition, instead of realizing that within polarity no one is winning, everyone is losing, thus it is stop polarity and live equality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior compared to those who i perceived to be superior, and define myself as inferiority instead of realizing that such definition is not real and it is acceptance of self-abuse. Stop.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape from inferiority through pursuing superiority and believe that i am able to become superior through a 'process' of acquiring that which i believe to be able to use to define myself as superior, instead of realizing that becoming superior through self-definition is self-deception - it is only an idea existing in my mind that i have believed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that pursuing superiority implies the acceptance of self-definition as inferiority, thus the accepted nature as inferiority will manifest as the polarity flips from superiority into inferiority - superiority is but an illusion and inferiority as the accepted truth always 'wins'.

I forgive myself that i have placed myself in a hierarchy structure within the polarity construct of superiority/inferiority through comparison and competition, having believed the hierarchy structure and polarity construct to be real, allowing myself to be directed by these belief constructs within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be trapped within an illusionary reality as the hierarchy structure and polarity construct within my mind, instead of realizing that they are not real but i have made them to be real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live such a belief system through family and cultural programming.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my family and the culture for programming me with the belief system instead of realizing that i have accepted and allowed such programming and that i have the ability to stop/diffuse/release such programmings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define my farther as being superior and define myself as being inferior, still holding onto this child image/memory of myself being inferior to my father.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to accept myself to be equl to those who i perceived to be supeior previously.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize and live the realization that both superiority and inferiority are self-abuse and thus it is to stop living in self-abuse as inequality as polarity construct and start actual living as equality as Life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i do not deserve to be equal to those who i have perceived to be superior to me, and that in order for me to be equal i must prove myself through becoming that which i perceived to be superior - not allowing myself to accept myself as equals and live in equality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to not dare to accept myself as equal to my parents, believing that such a thing is too 'unatural' and 'unusual', and that i'd better accept my place as inferiority.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for what i have believed to be 'natual' and 'usual' to direct me instead of realizing that i am allowing myself to be directed cultural programming as knowledge and information construct which does not stand as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into resistances out of the perception of being equal to be 'unnatural' and 'unusual', instead of realizing that i am giving permission to self-abuse - allowing myself to be abused by MCS dictating my behavior.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to call my parents by their names, believing and fearing that i will offend them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear reactions from my parents instead of realizing that fear is not real - it is acceptance of self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order for me to be equal to my parents and call them by their names i must present myself in a condescendating manner which is but an idea of equality - actually it is superiority hiding the accepted self-definition as inferiority.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to call my parents by their names consistently and push through the resistances and 'unnatural'/'unusual' feelings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not apply what i have realized consistently to live it into reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to live myself consistently.

I forgive myself that i h ave accepted and allowed myself to give into old habits out of fear of challenge.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to avoid pushing through resistances, the 'unnatural'/'unusual' feelings and the old habitual patterns.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that not living that which i see/realize to be lived is self-dishonesty and allowing self-deception.

I forgive myself that i have not lived words consistently as myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as knowledge as words not lived instead of living words as who i am to embody the words i speak and write to become the living words as the living flesh.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to push through the fear that i experience.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to give into fear and avoid situations where i would experience fear, instead of facing the fear head on and push through it consistently until it becomes the living manifestation as who i am.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that avoiding fear is not assisting and supporting myself but only prolonging my own process.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be moved and directed by fear going into resiatances and old habitual patterns, instead of enforcing change within self-movement and self-direction.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel that i have been suffocated by limitation instead of realizing that i am allowing myself to be suffocated by limitation through being directed by fear - abdication of the self-directive-principle and self-responsibility.

Practicality on comparison/competition, superiority/inferiority: SF on specific points of superiority/inferiority construct to release the memory, knowledge and belief construct that exist within my mind which is directing me. When finding myself going into comparison/competition and superiority/inferiority construct, immediately stop and breathe to bring myself back here to focus on what is here. At some 'suitable' time or in the evening, apply SF on those moments. Remind myself that the desire to win over another through comparison and competition will lead to failure. Remind myself that comparison/competition and polarity construct is not who i really am and it is acceptance of self-abuse. Investigate what supports such polarity construct, and see what is necessary to be done to make a difference and live the practical solution consistently until it manifests in fact.

Practicality on fear: Specific SF on fear and resistance to see and release the hold of such self-definitions. When fear arises, stop and breathe and realize that this reaction is not who i really am and that if i allow myself to be directed by fear i am allowing self-abuse. Push through the unrational fear (which contradicts common sense) to do deliberately that which i fear or believe that i fear. Push through fear consistently, not just pushing one time or in one situation but to apply consistently until the fear pattern stops. Do not judge, critisize, accuse and punish myself if I did not 'make it'.


Rushing ahead:

I forgive myself that i have accetped and allowed myself to want to rush ahead and write a lot of self-forgiveness, defining writing a lot of self-forgiveness in a short time as a perception of superior or better than.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to become superior or better than through rushing ahead, comparing and competing with other people's process.

I stop allowing myself to participate in comparison and competition, and the desire to rush ahead in order to be apparently more than those who are apparently behind.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that within rushing ahead, i am not stable within each step that i do, and that i am creating a lot of 'mistakes' that loop myself over and over and voer again.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that within rushing ahead, i was not effective within what i do -- when i tried to do more i actually get less done.

I forgive myself that i h ave not allowed myself to slow down within what i do and first establish consistency within me to walk step by step breath by breath.

I actually have noticed my typing reflecting my process - when i type words, i tend to type it very fast and expect myself to do that, but when i rush within typing, the words i typed out have a lot of misspellings and that those misspellings repeat over and over again - yet i was so busy with rushing ahead, i repeated those mistakes over and over again not even considering to slow down and correct myself.

I forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed myself to define myself as rushing ahead, wanting to win to be better than superior, fearing to be left behind being the inferior and less than.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in comparison and competition, existing in the polarity of superiority/inferiority placed within the position i am within my process, defining being ahead as being more than and being behind as being less than.

I forgive myself that ihave not allowed myself to realize taht i did not give myself opportunity to correct myself with regards to what i have accepted, allowed, created and manifested when i am in a rush.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to move ahead with the idea of rushing ahead while not realizing that when i a rushing i am not seeing and i am not actually moving fast.

I forgive myself that ih ave accepted and allowed myself to want to move superfast which manifested as the opposite as stagnation beyond imagination because i was actually crawling forward within falling due to the rush.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to establish myself first then move forward steadily.

I forgive myself that i hhave accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for falling and not moving fast - and desire to move fast yet the more i desire to move fast the less i am actually moving but falling into cycles that i have created along the way.

Stop. Slow down. Breathe. Establish self here. Move steadily. Self-correction step by step.

Practicality: Stay here, deal with one point each time, get it done then move on to the next point - stop wanting to do too much, opening up too many points at the same time and not being effective in each point. If there are several points to deal with, list an order, and do them sequentially so that each time there is only one point to be dealt with. Being present within dealing with one point, not allowing myself to rush into my mind thinking about another point already while dealing with one point. When finding myself in a rush, stop, slow down, breathe, establish self here, then move on step by step.

Asking questions

I used to suppress myself within asking questions about Desteni material. How to ask questions specifically that can assist and support myself? When is asking questions from the starting point of finding fault and when is asking questions from the starting point of self-support?